The Stark Truth Shall Set You Free

, , , | Related | July 17, 2012

(Since watching ‘The Avengers’, my little brother has gotten interested in comics. I’m home from college and educating him on the subject. We’re looking at the Marvel Encyclopaedia online.)

Brother: “Why does it say Iron Man has feet of clay?”

Me: “It means he isn’t as good as he seems to be. That he has a weakness.”

Brother: “That doesn’t make sense. Why do they say that?”

Me: “Well, it comes from a bible quote, from the book of Daniel.”

(I show him the quote which describes idols made from gold, iron, brass with clay feet which then are destroyed.)

Brother: “What’s brass?”

Me: “It’s the type of metal the light switch is made of. So feet of clay means a weakness, or something not as good as it pretends to be, and with Iron Man it means he drinks too much.”

(The next day at dinner.)

Brother: “Iron Man’s in the bible!”

Mum: “What?”

Me: “No. No, he’s not.”

Brother: “Yes, he is. The king saw him and he had clay feet and arms made of light switches! You said!”

*awkward silence*

Mum: “What, exactly, have you been telling my son?”

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Priciness Is No Object

, , | Right | July 5, 2012

(One day, a well-dressed customer walks into my camping store. She asks me for a pair of boots for a well-known hiking area.)

Me: “Well, these boots are light and flexible. They’re made with gore-tex to enable your feet to breathe.”

Customer: “How much do they cost?”

Me: “They are [price].”

Customer: “Do you have anything more expensive?”

Me: *shows her another pair* “Well, these are our most expensive pair at [price].”

Customer: “They’re not expensive enough! My friend’s pair cost MUCH more than that, and I MUST have a pair more expensive than her!” *turns and storms out the door*

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Half-A-Brains Don’t Have A Heart

, , , | Right | June 29, 2012

(I work at a charity shop. We often get customers trying to get items for less through a variety of methods, such as finding problems with items or comparing our prices to other stores.)

Customer #1: “Oi!”

(I look around and see three men by the men’s shoes.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer #2: “These shoes are a size eight and they’re marked as a size ten!”

Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll retag them.”

(The three customers look at each other and give a nasty laugh.)

Customer #1: “So, since you messed up, can I have these shoes for half price?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I can’t change the prices.”

Customer #1: “Well, I can!”

(The three customers give a nasty laugh again. I decide to leave them. They then walk over to my coworker at the till.)

Customer #3: “Oi, love, we’re having these shoes for half price.”

Coworker: “I’m very sorry, but I don’t have the authority to change the prices.”

Customer #1: “Go on, just cut the price.”

Coworker: “I can’t do that. And, besides, all the money goes to charity.”

Customer #1: “Screw charity! I want these shoes for half price!”


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I Hope You’re Pool-ing My Leg

, , , | Right | June 5, 2012

Me: “Good afternoon, [Business]. How can I help?”

Caller: “Yes, I’ve been looking at your seven-foot pool tables on your website, and I have a few questions.”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine. What would you like to know?”

Caller: “So, seven feet… is that the height?”


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Not Quite The Belle Of The Ball

, , , , | Related | May 24, 2012

(I am playing with my nieces, aged seven and five. They decide they want to be Disney princesses.)

Seven-Year-Old: “Well, I have black hair, so I’m princess Snow White.”

Five-Year-Old: “I have long blond hair, so I am Rapunzel.”

(I have long red hair.)

Me: “So, am I Ariel from the Little Mermaid?”

(The girls look at each other for a minute, then at me, and then they declare in unison:)

Nieces: “No, you’re Ursula, Auntie.”


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