The Stark Truth Shall Set You Free

, , , | Related | July 17, 2012

(Since watching ‘The Avengers’, my little brother has gotten interested in comics. I’m home from college and educating him on the subject. We’re looking at the Marvel Encyclopaedia online.)

Brother: “Why does it say Iron Man has feet of clay?”

Me: “It means he isn’t as good as he seems to be. That he has a weakness.”

Brother: “That doesn’t make sense. Why do they say that?”

Me: “Well, it comes from a bible quote, from the book of Daniel.”

(I show him the quote which describes idols made from gold, iron, brass with clay feet which then are destroyed.)

Brother: “What’s brass?”

Me: “It’s the type of metal the light switch is made of. So feet of clay means a weakness, or something not as good as it pretends to be, and with Iron Man it means he drinks too much.”

(The next day at dinner.)

Brother: “Iron Man’s in the bible!”

Mum: “What?”

Me: “No. No, he’s not.”

Brother: “Yes, he is. The king saw him and he had clay feet and arms made of light switches! You said!”

*awkward silence*

Mum: “What, exactly, have you been telling my son?”

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Priciness Is No Object

, , | Right | July 5, 2012

(One day, a well-dressed customer walks into my camping store. She asks me for a pair of boots for a well-known hiking area.)

Me: “Well, these boots are light and flexible. They’re made with gore-tex to enable your feet to breathe.”

Customer: “How much do they cost?”

Me: “They are [price].”

Customer: “Do you have anything more expensive?”

Me: *shows her another pair* “Well, these are our most expensive pair at [price].”

Customer: “They’re not expensive enough! My friend’s pair cost MUCH more than that, and I MUST have a pair more expensive than her!” *turns and storms out the door*

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Half-A-Brains Don’t Have A Heart

, , , | Right | June 29, 2012

(I work at a charity shop. We often get customers trying to get items for less through a variety of methods, such as finding problems with items or comparing our prices to other stores.)

Customer #1: “Oi!”

(I look around and see three men by the men’s shoes.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer #2: “These shoes are a size eight and they’re marked as a size ten!”

Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll retag them.”

(The three customers look at each other and give a nasty laugh.)

Customer #1: “So, since you messed up, can I have these shoes for half price?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I can’t change the prices.”

Customer #1: “Well, I can!”

(The three customers give a nasty laugh again. I decide to leave them. They then walk over to my coworker at the till.)

Customer #3: “Oi, love, we’re having these shoes for half price.”

Coworker: “I’m very sorry, but I don’t have the authority to change the prices.”

Customer #1: “Go on, just cut the price.”

Coworker: “I can’t do that. And, besides, all the money goes to charity.”

Customer #1: “Screw charity! I want these shoes for half price!”


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Taking Charge Of The Matter

, , , , , , | Related | March 29, 2012

(My twin brother and I are about 15 at the time. I have just placed some AA batteries into a charger and gone to bed. My brother and I are both woken up in the middle of the night by a loud fizzle and pop.)

Brother: “What was that?”

Me: “Just the radiator… Go back to sleep.”

Brother: “I don’t think that was the radiator.”

(He turns on the light and sees that the batteries in the charger are fizzling, and a thick fluid is pouring out of them and on to the floor.)

Brother: “Oh, my God, it’s the batteries! Wait, did you put single-use batteries into a charger?”

Me: “Umm…”

Brother: “You idiot.”

Me: “I’ll clean it up.”

(I get up and go to pick up the batteries before any more fluid leaks on to the floor.)

Brother: “Wait, you can’t just pick them up! That stuff is toxic!”

Me: “Well, what should I use?!”

Brother: “I’ll go get some rubber gloves. And some aluminium foil.”

Me: “Foil?”

Brother: “Yeah, I read somewhere that you have to dispose of the batteries in foil before throwing them away.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Brother: “Just do it!”

(My brother and I both try to dispose of the leaking un-chargeable batteries from the battery charger. Our mother then walks into the room to find out what all the noise is about in the middle of the night. She walks in to find us both in our underwear, wearing rubber gloves, with aluminium foil in our hands. There is a long silence where we all just stare at each other.)

Mum: “Are you two on drugs?”

Us: “No, mum.”

Mum: “Am I on drugs?”

Us: “No, mum.”

Mum: “Good, then I don’t want to know. I’m going back to bed.”

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The Height Of (Mt.) Misogyny

, , , , | Right | March 22, 2012

(I am a woman working at a shop that specializes in mountain climbing equipment. I happen to be very experienced when it comes to trekking, so often colleagues ask me to help people who are planning a mountain trek. My coworker is bringing a male customer over to me for trek-planning help.)

Coworker: “And here’s [My Name] now. She’s our expert when it comes mountain treks!”

Male Customer: “Don’t be stupid.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Male Customer: “Girls don’t climb mountains.”

Me: *laughs* “This girl does! Where are you hoping to climb?”

Male Customer: “Well, I’m climbing the highest peak in the Atlas region.”

Me: “Oh, Jebel Toubkal? Excellent, I did that last year. What time of year are you planning to go?”

Male Customer: “I don’t believe you.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Male Customer: “Can you just bring back the man I spoke to first? I’m sure he’ll know more about it than you.”

Me: “You think my male colleague, who specializes in camping, low-level trekking, and biking, will be more equipped to help you than me, a woman who climbed the exact mountain you’re planning to climb?”

Male Customer: “Yes.”

(I fetched my coworker, who was forced to continue checking with me to see if what he was selling was okay. The worst part: my staff identification picture is of me at the summit of Jebel Toubkal!)


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