Dr. McCoy Will Be Right Over

, , , , , | Working | August 29, 2017

(I have been vomiting all morning and decide I am not well enough for work. I phone in sick.)

Me: “Hi, it’s [My Name]. I’ve been throwing up all morning and I’m not going to be able to come in.”

Manager: “Aww, that’s a poor excuse.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Manager: “Can’t you come up with something more exciting?”

Me: “Like what? I’ve just chest-burst a Xenomorph and now I’m fleeing for my life as Spock and Jack O’Neill try to kill it?”

Manager: “Oooooooh, sounds dangerous! When’s your next shift?”

Me: “Monday. Hopefully I’ll be better by then.”

Manager: Perfect! Good luck with the aliens, and let me know if you need the Millennium Falcon to drop by!” *hangs up*

Me: *speechless*

(I asked about it when I got back, and learned it’s a game that management plays. Whoever comes up with the best excuse in the year gets vouchers to use in the store, and as this was my first time being sick, I didn’t know. Sadly I only got second place that year, but now I keep a book of outlandish stories that I make up, so the next time, I’m ready!)

Unfiltered Story #92714

, , , | Unfiltered | August 29, 2017

(On a very rare occurrence, I found myself to be right for once! It was early Friday night in Soho, and I had ordered a falafel wrap.)

Me: Can I get some pickles in that please?

Staff: *grabs jalapeños*

Me: Okay yes, those please, but can I also get some pickles? *points*

Staff: *grabs handful of different jalapeños*

Me: *moves to stand in front of pickles and points at them*

Staff: Ohhh!

Couldn’t Handle The Reality Of Reality

, , , | Working | August 28, 2017

(I’ve interviewed a series of candidates for a position. One young guy comes in with no real experience, but he is really keen, and he mentions that he is just looking for a chance to prove himself and that he is really excited to have a “real” job apart from part time. He interviews well and we agree to give him a chance on a junior role. He gets his offer letter and we wait to hear from him about confirming his start date. He doesn’t respond after a day or two so I give him a call.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. We were hoping you would be able to confirm your start date. Did you get the letter?”

Candidate: “Sorry, I did, but my boss wasn’t in today, so I couldn’t sort it out.”

Me: “Okay, well, please let me know tomorrow where we stand.”

Candidate: “I will, thank you.”

(The next day comes and goes, and I have to ring him again.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. We haven’t heard from you today. We need to set up your computer and induction. What is happening?”

Candidate: “I’m sorry. I wanted to leave on [date we asked him to], but I didn’t put my notice in writing. I’m speaking to my boss tomorrow to sort it all out.”

Me: “Okay, we need to make a move here. We have plans in place and are keen to get you started. You were originally supposed to start [next week]. We need to know where we stand as this is urgent for us.”

Candidate: “Okay. I promise I will ring you tomorrow.”

(When he doesn’t ring the next day, I’m too busy in a meeting to get back to him. Instead, the day after, I call and get no response. I call the agency who sent his CV in and they can’t get hold of him. After a week of nothing [and a need to get someone employed urgently], we withdraw our offer in writing. A full week passes before he calls and gets my voicemail.)

Candidate: “What’s going on? I just got this letter. I told you I was sorting it out. It was only going to be a few more weeks. You’re just like [Other Company]. You suck.”

(Something told me he wasn’t ready for a “real job” yet.)

Treat Others They Way You’re Mistreated

, , , | Right | August 27, 2017

(Our new manager has changed the format of our day rotas, adding space for a ‘thought for the day.’ However, he accidentally printed off about a hundred with the thought ‘treat others as you would like to be treated’ instead of with different thoughts. A supervisor has suggested we cross that out and add another one.)

Coworker #1: “Because we should do that one anyway.”

Coworker #2: “So it can’t be ‘do your job, get paid’?”

Me: “We should be doing that, too.”

Coworker #3: “It’s not a bad thought, though.”

Me: “It’s a terrible thought. If I acted the way some of these customers act towards us in a shop I would feel totally fine if the retail people smacked me across the face. I’d deserve it.”

Coworker #1: “So [My Name] should treat people the way they would like to be treated, not the way she expects to be treated?”

(We stop talking immediately as a customer passes our desk, as we’re supposed to do, and I ask if they need any help with anything today. The customer outright blanks me until they are almost at the door when I say, as I always do.)

Me: “All right then, guys, enjoy the rest of your day.”

(The customer heel-turns and looks like I did just slap them across the face, though I said it with a well-practiced genuine tone.)

Customer: “What did you just say?”

Me: “I said enjoy the rest of you day. Safe journey home, now.”

(As soon as the customer leaves, I add.)

Me: “Hell is a terrible commute.”

Unfiltered Story #91964

, | Unfiltered | August 27, 2017

I customer went to school with comes into my shop.

Customer: What size is this? *holds up cup*

Me: Large.

Customer: How can you know? You barely looked at it.

Me: It has LARGE written on it.

Customer: Well, you don’t have to be so F**KING RUDE! *leaves shouting that I’m stupid because I got a C in English while he got an A*

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