Fixing For Something Else

, , , , | Right | February 9, 2018

(I’m working the security gatehouse at a TV production studio. A “supporting artist” for a new TV show walks up to the metal pedestrian exit gate, presses the release button, and waits. This is a metal gate with no electronic parts, plainly not automatic.)

Me: *leaning out* “Hi there! You need to pull the gate open after you press the release button, please.”

Extra: “It’s not working!” *points at the gate*

Me: “I’m sorry; it’s not automatic. It’s a door you have to pull open yourself.”

Extra: *thumping the release button* “It’s not working. Look!”

(I sigh, walk outside, move her gently aside, push the button, and pull the gate open for her.)

Me: “See? You just push the button, then pull the gate.”

(She walks through to leave, then turns around angrily.)

Extra: “It’s broken! You should get that fixed!”

Lacking A Different Kind Of Brand Awareness

, , , , , | Right | February 9, 2018

(I work in a large department store. The homewares department is made up of a lot of different brands, all with their own staff. However, you can pay at any cash register, so quite often I will be putting another company’s product through my till. A customer comes to the till with one of my items and an armful of items from [Brand], whose till is just across from mine.)

Customer: “Can I pay for all of this here?”

Me: “Yes, that’s no problem!”

(I scan my item and wrap it, then start on the items from [Brand].)

Customer: “Do you have more of those?”

Me: “Unfortunately, this is from a different department, so I don’t know about their stock levels. Their own staff will be able to help you with that!”

Customer: “Okay… What about these, do you have more of these?”

Me: “These are also from [Brand], so I’m afraid I don’t have any information.”

Customer: “You probably have them in your stockroom, though, right? Can’t you just check?”

Me: “I only have access to my brand’s stockroom, so they’re definitely not in there!”

Customer: “But I need more.”

Me: “Well, if you ask the gentleman standing just over there in the blue shirt, he is the manager of [Brand]. He will definitely have the answers for you. Sorry I can’t be of more help!”

Customer: *sigh* “Fine, whatever.”

(I finish the transaction, and the customer moves to the end of the till to sort out his bags and put his receipt and change away. I move on to the next customer in line.)

Customer #2: “Hi, I was hoping to get a set of [item]; do you have any more?”

Me: “Yes, absolutely. We just got a box in this morning. I’ll just grab them for you.”

Customer #1: “YOU LAZY COW!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer #1: “I kept asking you for more s***, and you kept saying you didn’t have any! You f****** liar! You just couldn’t be bothered to even check!”

Me: “Sir, I explained to you that the items you wanted were not from my department, so I was unable to check for you. This customer is purchasing my stock, so I can get more. I’m sorry for the confusion, but as I said before, the manager just behind you—”

Customer #1: “You’re such a lazy f****** idiot. How did you even get a job for [Brand]?!”

Me: “Well, I didn’t. I work for [My Brand], and if you had asked for more of my own items, I would have been able to get them. Instead, I directed you to the appropriate person, who is still standing in the same spot, waiting to help you. I hope you’re able to find everything you need. Have a lovely night.”

(The customer proceeded to go to the [Brand] manager and give him a list of reasons he should fire me, despite being told, once again, that I didn’t even work for them!)

Working For A Schmuck

, , , , , , , | Working | February 9, 2018

(I’ve just started a new job and have had a several-hour-long meeting with my new coworkers. The coffee is percolating through me so I head straight for the bathroom. The CEO, who has a reputation for being eccentric, looks across to my urinal.)

Boss: “Ah… Are you Jewish, or did you go to public school?”

Me: *turning red* “Um… er… Just ‘done’ is all.”

Boss: “Well, at least you know you’ll never be a banker. They’re all complete pricks.”

(I wish I could say this was the limit of his behaviour, but it wasn’t.)

My Cup Runneth Over With Bad Customers, Part 2

, , , | Right | February 9, 2018

(Due to a mix-up in the orders, we have run out of large cups. We are informing all customers of this when they order. A woman comes up with a large group of people and my coworker serves them.)

Coworker: “Hi, guys. Just to let you know, I’m afraid we’ve run out of large cups today. Sorry about that. What can I get you?”

Customer: “A large mocha.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry. We’ve run out of large cu—”

Customer: “A small, then. And a large latte.”

Coworker: “As I said, we’ve run out of—”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just fit more into a small?”

My Cup Runneth Over With Bad Customers

Not Phoning In That Joy

, , , , | Working | February 9, 2018

(I’m working a reception desk when a coworker hands me an iPhone 7, soaking wet, and informs me he found it by the front door. I quickly dry it off and begin trying to work out who it may belong to whilst another colleague wanders the five floors of our building to see if anyone’s lost a phone. After an hour, I’m starting to worry the owner may have travelled to a different site, when I hear a commotion on the stairs.)

Colleague: “…it was outside, [My Name]’s looking after it.”

Woman: “Oh, God.”

(Suddenly, a woman I don’t know comes charging through the doors to my reception, looking ready to cry.)

Woman: “You have my phone?”

Me: *holding up the phone* “Yep, all dried off and ready to go home.”

Woman: “Oh, my God! Thank you so much!”

(I point out a few scratches to the protective screen, but she’s obviously just relieved to have her “baby” back.)

Me: “I’ve been there. At least you’ve got it back, now.”

Woman: “I love you!”

Me: *unsure how to react to strangers declaring their love, and mouth going into autopilot* “Love you, too?”

(The woman left with a huge smile on her face, practically hugging her phone. I was having a bad morning, but her random declaration and joy certainly cheered me up!)

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