One Big Unhappy Family

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work in a tourist attraction. The ticket price is the same for everyone aged four to fifty-nine with the option of a “saver ticket” that gives a discount on any combination of four people.

Customer: “I’d like a family ticket, please.”

Me: “Okay, so you’d like the saver ticket for four people?”

Customer: “No, it’s just me and my two kids.”

Me: “Oh, in that case, it’s actually cheaper for you to buy tickets individually. The price is [total].”

This is over £10 less than the price of a saver ticket. The customer is suddenly angry for some reason.

Customer: “Are you saying I can’t have a family ticket because there are only three of us?! That’s discrimination against single-parent families!”

Me: “No, not at all. We don’t actually have a family ticket as such — a saver ticket is for any combination of four people — but it’s cheaper for you to buy three tickets than it is to get that.”

Customer: “No! I will not be discriminated against! I want the family ticket!”

Me: “Okay, if you’re sure… So that’s a saver ticket at [higher price].”

Customer: “Thank you! Now was that really so hard?”

He walks off, grumbling about discrimination. The next customer in line comes up.

Customer #2: “Did that dude really just pay for four people when there were only three just to prove a point?”

Me: “Yeah, I think so.”

Customer #2: “Well, we have a family of five, so can one of us go in as the extra person he paid for, and then I get one saver ticket for the other four?”

Me: “Sure, why not?!”

I don’t know what your problem was, angry dude. I know there are families of all shapes and sizes, but your unwillingness to listen to me trying to save you money made someone else’s day instead!

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The Longitude Is Zero And So Is Their Understanding

, , , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work at a popular London tourist attraction, on one of the entrances. I get approached by a visitor who is struggling to find the main part of our attraction: the Prime Meridian Line.

Visitor: “Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Where is the Meridian Line?”

I point to where it is.

Me: “You see where the different paving stones and metal tiles on the ground are? Where everyone is taking photos? That’s the Meridian Line.”

The visitor wanders over to a point closer to the line so he can see it better. I continue to deal with other visitor enquiries until he wanders back over, looking puzzled.

Me: “Hello again, sir, how can I help?”

Visitor: “I still can’t see the line. Could you come up and show me?”

I walk over to the better viewing point with him and begin explaining again.

Me: “You see the tree over there? It’s the metal line underneath the tree.”

Visitor: “Ah, so the Meridian Line is the tree?”

Me: “…”

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 15
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 14
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 13
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 12
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 11

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Calling The Correct Number Is Not His Calling

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work for a pension provider in the finance department. I am not customer-facing and do not usually deal with members of the public as part of my job. I do, however, sit near the customer service team.

I have been off for a few days and on my first day back, I get a call on my telephone from an external number which I answer. I copy the customer service teams’ intro to the best of my ability.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pension Provider]. You are through to the finance department. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Transfer me to the customer service department.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I cannot do that. But if you call [number], they will be able to help you.”

Customer: “No. That telephone number is for [Completely Different Organisation who are in no way related to my company].”

I double-check the website.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that is the number on our website. It will take you through to the customer service department; they have been answering calls all day.”

Customer: “You’re not listening to me. Transfer me to the customer service department now.”

Me: “My phone can’t transfer calls, but I assure you that if you call that number, you will speak to our customer service department.”

Customer: “Are you stupid? That number doesn’t work! Are you running a scam or do you just not want to help me?! Transfer the call or click on your computer and help me yourself.”

Me: “I do not have access to the customer service department’s system, but please confirm your query. If it’s something I do not need to use the computer system for, I may be able to help.”

Customer: “None of your business. I want to speak to your manager.”

My manager is the Chief Financial Officer and will not want to speak to him.

Me: “Please hold.”

I put the idiot on hold and go over to speak to the customer service team leader. As soon as I start to explain the situation, she puts her head in her hands and sighs.

It turns out that while I have been off work, this customer has been calling random telephone numbers in our organisation demanding to be transferred to the customer service department. We believe that he does not want to incur charges for calling the customer service team directly — there is no charge — and has obtained a copy of our internal telephone list from a member of staff.

She reluctantly takes the call from me.

Team Leader: “Hello, Mr. [Customer], as I have advised you repeatedly, you need to call [number] to speak to a member of my team. Please stop calling random members of staff.”

Customer: “Are you that girl’s manager?”

Team Leader: “No, sir, I am not. As I have advised you previously, I am the customer service team leader. I am the only manager you need to speak to.”

Customer: “No, I want to speak to her manager. She was very rude and refused to help me in any way.”

Team Leader: “Sir, I cannot keep having this discussion with you. Maybe if you could confirm your query, we could resolve this?”

Customer: “No. Transfer me to the customer service team.”

Team Leader: “Sir, I am the customer service team leader. I can assist with your query and then you won’t need to repeatedly call incorrect numbers.”

Customer: “Fine. Idiots. I need to know the day my pension will be paid.”

Team Leader: “The twenty-fifth. It’s paid on the twenty-fifth of every month except December when it’s paid early, on the eighteenth, to account for the holidays.”

Customer: “Well, that’s all I wanted to know. Why couldn’t anyone else help me?!”

Team Leader: “Sir, I am now ending this call. Please call the correct telephone number in future.”

She hung up on him before he could speak again and walked over to the kitchen to sit in silence for a while. Once she had calmed down, she sent an email to all internal staff advising not to answer calls from that customer’s telephone number.

I later heard that, after my call, he called ten different members of staff on that day alone and continued to call for another week; all of the calls were unanswered. I don’t know what’s wrong with some people!

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Taking “Home Away From Home” To The Next Level

, , , , , , | Working | March 2, 2021

My friend and I, both girls and around twenty years old, are on holiday in Scotland. We book a room in a bed and breakfast run by a lovely elderly couple, only to realise we’re the only guests they have that week. It feels more like we’re grandkids visiting instead of being strangers.

One night, we decide to do one of the well-known Haunted Walking Tours of the city, where a guide shows you around the historic and “spooky” parts of town at night. We make sure to tell our hosts that we’ll be out all night.

Me: “We wanted to give you a heads-up that we’ll come back pretty late tonight, probably 1:00 am or later because of the tour. We don’t want to spook you when we get in!”

Host “Dad”: “Oh, sure, that’s fine. Just be careful when you walk back. Don’t go through the park; it’s very dark at night.”

We have a great time during the tour and tiptoe up the hallway of the bed and breakfast at 2:00 am, only to be met with a small lamp still on in the shared living room. Host “Dad” is sitting on the couch in a dressing gown reading a book.

Host “Dad”: “Oh, good! You’re back. Now I can go to bed. Everything went all right?”

The old man — and his wife, probably — were so worried about two young girls being out on the town at night that he waited for us until 2:00 am to make sure we got home safe. To this day, it’s one of the sweetest experiences I’ve ever had travelling.

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A Customer Finally Reads The Sign!

, , , , | Working | March 2, 2021

I pick up a couple of multipacks of ramen that seem to be massively reduced. I get to the checkout and notice that they ring up at full price.

Me: “Sorry, but those are supposed to be on offer.”

Cashier: “Oh, yeah, they were marked up wrong. They shouldn’t be on sale.”

Me: “Oh, okay. I don’t want them, then.”

Cashier: “You don’t want them?”

Me: “Yeah, they are really expensive at full price.”

Cashier: “I’ve already rung them through.”

Me: “Then can you take them off?”

She huffs and puffs before calling over a supervisor who removes the ramen. The supervisor apologises for the mistake and I pay. As I get my receipt:

Cashier: “This is so annoying; this keeps happening.”

Perhaps take down the massive sign that says ramen is 50% off, then?

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