Not A Standard Reaction

, , , | Right | June 27, 2020

I work at a tobacco kiosk. One evening, a customer comes in wanting to buy some cigarettes.

Me: “Hello, sir, can I help?”

Customer: “Yes, can I have a standard [cigarette], please?”

Me: “Sure!”

I go over and pull out a pack that contains what he asked for and charge him. He pays and is about to leave, until he returns to me.

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “I didn’t ask for these.”

Me: “You asked for them in standard, sir.”

Customer: “No, I asked for the longer ones.”

Me: “Oh! I’m sorry; I’ll swap those over for you.”

I pull out the longer pack and proceed to swap them… until he stops me again.

Customer: “No, those are too big!”

Me: “What do you mean, sir?”

Customer: “I want the standard-size pack! These ones I just bought are too small!”

Me: “But you’re holding them, sir.”

Customer: “No, you have given me the smallest ones! I want the standard!”

Me: “Sir. Did you want the biggest ones we do, or the smallest ones?”

Customer: “The standard!

Me: “Okay, sir, allow me to put it simply. We do them in two sizes only: large and small. You have just bought the small ones. They are known as the standard size.”

The customer looked at the pack in his hands for a few seconds and eventually walked off grumbling. I wanted a cigarette after that, and I don’t smoke!

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Unfiltered Story #198720

, | Unfiltered | June 27, 2020

(I work in a photographer’s shop where we offer a variety of services including passport/visa photos.
We have a studio area set up for this with a bright red stool for the customer to sit on while their photo is taken)

Me ; (usually after waiting for 5 minutes while the customer messes on with hair and makeup) ‘….and if you just take a seat on the red stool (pointing at said stool) when you are ready, please”

customer ; “oh here?” (usually pointing at the storage chest located on other side of room)

Me ; “no this red stool right here (literally putting my hand on the stool)”

Customer ; “oh ok, do I sit on it?”

Me ; “yes that’s correct, please” (when really I want to say ‘No Please do a one-armed handstand on it”)

*take photo, show them, then either proceed to get it printed or take another 20 because they don’t like how they look*

Me ; “Ok that will be ready in about 5 minutes (picture needs shaped and sized to passport/visa specifications, printed and cut out). If you just make your way back to the front of the shop there is seat if you wish to wait or you can call back for it?”

Customer : “Ok I will wait……oh there is a chair here can i sit while I wait?”

Me ; “sure that is what it is there for.”

*most times they won’t sit and will just stare at me the whole time I am working.
Would not be as bad if this was a one off but happens several times a day!*

A Pun About Going Bananas Would Be Too Easy

, , , , , | Related | June 26, 2020

I work in a supermarket. My mum is vulnerable and thus gets online orders, but she hates the quality and dates that are on some of the perishables, so she gives me a list of carriable perishables; I don’t drive so I can’t just get everything. I’ve realised she’s not put bananas on there and I know she’s out, so I give her a call.

Me: “Hey, Mum, just want to check if you want me to get bananas, too.”

Mum: “Oh… Um… No, they’re kind of heavy, so I’ll get them with the big items shop.”

Me: “They’re not that heavy. I can manage them. And your big item shop isn’t until… another fortnight.”

Mum: “Err… no. I’ve already put a lot on your list. But I’ll put them on your Tuesday list.”

Me: “I’m not working Tuesday. If I don’t get them today, you won’t have bananas until Friday. Are you really willing to go five or six days without bananas?”

There is a horrified silence on the phone.

Mum: “GET BANANAS! I REPEAT, GET BANANAS!”

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Customers Find New Ways To Be An Irritant

, , , , , | Right | June 26, 2020

Due to current situations, the supermarket I’m working for has opted to start cleaning key touch points of the store, i.e. handles, keypads, doors, etc. The “disinfectant” that’s used for most parts is very strong and a skin irritant, it has great big warning signs and notices on it, and we wear gloves when using it.

It is kept in the cage element of the cart we wheel around; the cage is only enclosed on three sides as it’s actually just there to stop things from falling off when stocking.

I am on cleaning duties when I’m asked to help move a box. I tuck my cart in behind the checkout — staff-only section — and make sure the cage opening is against the wall. It is out of my vision for about two minutes. As I’m heading back over, I see the cart has been moved and a woman is about to spray the disinfectant directly onto her skin. I shout, moving over quickly.

Me: “That’s not for hands!”

She freezes as I get there and gently take it from her.

Me: “It’ll irritate your skin and could damage it badly. If you want hand sanitiser there’s some by the exit and entrance.”

Customer: *Angry* “Why is it out if it’s not for public use?!”

Me: *Pause* “It was in the cage, behind a checkout.”

Customer: “It was out in the open!”

Me: *Irritated* “It wasn’t when I left it, but even if it was, who picks up an unknown chemical covered in warning signs from an unknown cart and goes to spray it on their skin? It could have been acid for all you knew!”

Shockingly, she didn’t raise a complaint.

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Unfiltered Story #198700

, , | Unfiltered | June 26, 2020

I work as a Receptionist at a Leisure Pool but also do covers as a Lifeguard. A customer walks in:

Customer: ‘My daughter has a private lesson but I need to pay for me to swim as she was kicked out last week after her lesson and she likes to have a swim after her lesson’.

Me: ‘Okay, that is £5.50 and I didn’t ‘kick her out’. She was was swimming right next to the next lad who had a lesson and then told me she was seven.’ (Under 8s are not allowed in the pool on their own.)

Customer: ‘Yeah, she is 8 soon and I told her off about hanging around. She said she was helping.

The kicker? The mother that week was on her phone and was not even looking at her child also the swimming instructor complained about me and was told I was doing my job. Winner!