Reaching A New Tea Total

, , , , | Right | November 1, 2019

(I work in a tearoom in York. We sell coffee, cakes, light lunches, and that sort of thing. Late one Sunday, a woman comes in and, after going through the menu, asks:)

Customer: “Can I just have a teacake with cheese?”

(The request is a bit weird, but it’s what the lady wants, so I’ll try and be accommodating.)

Me: “Do you want the cheese to be, like, a little melted on top?”

Customer: “No, just cold, as it comes.”

Me: “Butter?”

Customer: “No, just the cheese.”

Me: “Untoasted… with cheese?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(So, she wants an untoasted toasted teacake, with cheese. Sure, some people are funny, but we can do that. I take the order up to the kitchen, explaining that yes, it is definitely what she wants. A short while later, I bring her an untoasted toasted teacake with cheese. It’s the saddest, most depressing thing I’ve seen. I set it down in front of her and she says, in a voice of aggravated bewilderment:)

Customer: “What. Is. This?”

Me: “Teacake with cheese.”

Customer: “I wanted just a teacake with cheese.”

(My cool is evaporating. I fix my face with the rictus grin all waitstaff use when the customer is, quite obviously, wrong.)

Customer: “Why is this so hard for you? I just want a teacake; this isn’t a teacake. Who would eat this?”

Me: *calmly* “Madam, would you like to speak to the manager?”

Customer: “No, just bring me a teacake, a normal teacake, with cheese.”

Me: “Madam, these are the only teacakes we have.”

Customer: *indignantly* “No, they aren’t!” *other people are starting to stare* “You have teacakes in the window; bring me one of those.”

(Now, I know we don’t have teacakes in the window display. We’ve got cakes, cream buns, and… then it occurs to me what she is pointing at.)

Me: “A bread roll? You want a plain bread roll with cheese?”

Customer:Yes! Finally. Why would this place hire such a moron?”

Me: “Of course, madam.”

(I walk over to the glass case, remove a bread roll, take it into the back to have them put some cheese on top, and walk back out and give the woman her “Teacake With Cheese.”)

Me: “Here you go, madam. I hope this will be to your liking.”

Customer:Finally! I really don’t see why it was so difficult to get a simple teacake with cheese!”

Me: *walks to the back to slam my head into the wall several times*

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Working At This Dentist’s Is Like Pulling Teeth

, , , , , , | Working | November 1, 2019

(My first job is as a dental nurse working with the city’s university dental hygienist course. I love the job, and I get on well with the students and the tutors. However, I quickly start to find that I don’t get on so well with the other nurses. The majority of nurses have worked with each other for a long time, know each other outside of work, and have the same interests. At first, this doesn’t matter, but slowly, things start to get unfair. I often find myself on the crappy end of jobs, and one of them causes me do serious damage to my right wrist; I tear the tendons and am signed off work for a long time. This is where things get super bad, as my manager never reports the accident, which is something she gets in a lot of trouble for. When I eventually return, I am on very light duties, spending more time as a glorified receptionist than a nurse. The other nurses double-down on their disdain for me. I suddenly find myself even more left out than before, and any slight mistake is blown out of proportion. One of the nurses actually yells at me in front of trainees because I haven’t signed a cleaning sheet. When I complain to the head nurse, she says that I was in the wrong so tough, despite the fact I admitted to the mistake, but I am angry about the way it was handled. I cannot describe the misery I feel for the next six months, but luckily, I am able to find another job in a field that is as far removed from dentistry as possible. On the Monday morning after I get the contract for the new job, I approach the head nurse on clinic first thing before clinic starts.)

Me: “Morning, [Head Nurse], can I have a quick word with you?”

Head Nurse: “No, I’m going up for breakfast break now. It can wait.”

Me: “It can’t really; I won’t get time to talk to you about this before clinic starts, otherwise.”

Head Nurse: “Sorry, not happening.”

Me: *shouting across the clinic as she walks off* “Okay, I’ll leave my resignation letter here, then!”

(She d*** near sprinted back to me, asking if I was joking. I smiled, told her no, and handed her the letter before turning and going back to my duties. I was, at that time, the one who made all of the department appointments, organised clinics, and knew the brand-new booking system better than anyone else. That next month as I served my notice, watching the panic slowly dawn on them was the best!)

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Contemplate A Template Reinstate

, , | Right | November 1, 2019

(I’m completing a project for a customer. Throughout, I’ve documented the process and next steps, clearly indicating what steps must happen before the next can proceed. This is done through bullet points, gantt charts, etc. The following is the tail end of an ongoing email trail.)

Customer: “So, I’ve done the step you asked me to. What’s next?”

Me: “I need a few days to evaluate that data and action it, and then we need to send an email out. I’ll send you a template you can use once we are at that step.”

Customer: *the next day* “So, what’s next?”

Me: “So, I’m still evaluating that data, but hopefully, we should be in a position to send emails in two days’ time.”

(The following afternoon.)

Me: “I’m pleased to advise we’ve finished actioning the data. I’ve attached a template communication for you which you can use. When would you like to send this out?”

Customer: “Can we send it tomorrow?”

Customer: *in a separate email* “Is this the template?” *sends back the template*

Me: “Sure, you can send the email whenever you like, and that is the template which you can amend.”

Customer: “I’ll just use the template, thanks.”

(The template includes instructions as to how to download and log into something, including the password/s required. The next day…)

Customer: “So, I sent out that email. When will you email advising how we access the stuff?”

Me: *after checking the template* “If you just sent out the template, we don’t need to, as that’s included.”

Customer: “But it doesn’t give the password?”

Me: *after checking the template I sent out over again* “It did, in the first line. Was that not on the version I sent over?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah. I never bothered reading it.”

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Zombies Take Sundays Seriously

, , , , | Right | October 31, 2019

(My father owns a hardware store where I sometimes offer to man the phone during busy times.)

Me: *answering the phone* “[Hardware Store]. [My Name] speaking.”

Woman: “Hello, I need to be put through to [Father]. It’s his sister and it is an emergency!”

Me: “I should think so! You died twenty years ago giving birth to [Twin Cousins].”

Woman: “I’m very sorry for your loss… Is [Father] in? It’s an emergency.”

Me: “Given the means by which you tried to access him, I’m not inclined to pass you on. Whatever it is I’m sure I can help.”

Woman: “No, you won’t do. I need to speak directly to him.”

Me: “Tough. You have five seconds before I hang up.”

Woman: “What time do you close on Sundays?”

Me: *seriously?* “Five pm.”

Woman: “I would rather be told that by [Father].”

Me: *hangs up*

(She came over later that day and demanded I be fired for rudeness. My father then shouted so loud the entire store took notice, “CAROL, GET BACK IN YOUR COFFIN!” The woman blushed and scurried out. Obviously, I’d told him the second I hung up, and he was praying she would come by.)

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Your Treatment Of Hypermobility Is Making Me Hypertense

, , , , | Healthy | October 31, 2019

(This story has taken about five years to come to a close. When I was seventeen, I started having awful fatigue problems, sleeping up to fourteen hours a day, and being constantly exhausted. I’ve always been fairly healthy, hiking for fun and rock climbing on a weekly basis, but after a while, I became so tired and my joints and muscles started hurting so much that I couldn’t exercise anymore. Because of this, I put on some weight. At nineteen, I go to the doctor because I’m in constant pain and believe I may have hypermobility.)

Doctor #1: “So, what’s the problem today?”

Me: *explains the last two years of problems, and how a friend showed me a list of hypermobility symptoms which seem to match up with what I’m experiencing*

Doctor #1: “Okay, well, I’m actually the hypermobility specialist for this surgery so I’m going to take you through a series of tests.”

(He takes me through the tests, including touching the floor with my legs straight, bending my fingers and arms, etc.)

Doctor #1: “Right, well, you definitely don’t have hypermobility; I don’t know how you got that idea in your head. You just need to lose some weight and you’ll be fine.”

Me: “How am I supposed to do that if I’m in pain all the time?”

Doctor #1: “Oh, just take some painkillers, exercise more, and eat less junk food. You’ll be fine.”

(Miserable, but believing him, I spend the next three years in increasing pain, eventually unable to work, socialise, or do any of my old hobbies because I’m so exhausted all the time. I fall into a deep depression, believing that I’m making it up and that I’m just lazy. Finally, after counselling and heaps of support from my friends, I get an appointment at the closest rheumatology clinic.)

Doctor #2: “All right, how can I help you today?”

Me: *twists my neck, making three to four loud pops on each side*

Doctor #2: *blinks in surprise* “Oh… are they all like that?”

Me: “Yup. I can crack pretty much every joint in my body, including my elbows and my kneecaps.”

Doctor #2: *after she takes me through all the same tests for hypermobility as the first doctor and a pressure point test to check for fibromyalgia* “Well, you’re definitely hypermobile in your upper body — anyone could see that — and the swelling around your knees is particularly concerning. I’m going to send you off for some tests and give you a prescription for an anti-inflammatory painkiller tablet. If it’s not enough, come back and I’ll give you some more. I can’t believe you’ve been dealing with this for five years!”

(Now, after a year and a half of unemployment, I have a job I love and am able to do with energy left over for twice-weekly climbing sessions and plenty of socialising. Thank you to the second doctor I saw, and to the first doctor? F*** you.)

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