Got That Number Lodged In His Brain

, , , , | | Right | August 15, 2019

(My colleague and I are manning the reception desk at the start of our shift, getting our night-portering duties started. A late check-in walks into the reception and walks to my colleague at the desk.)

Customer: “Lodge 37.”

Colleague: “Checking in?”

Customer: “Yes. Lodge 37.”

Colleague: “What name is the booking under?”

Customer: “It’s for lodge 37.”

Colleague: “Yes, but what name is the booking made under?”

Customer: “The booking is for lodge 37.”

(Note: if you’re wondering if there is a language barrier here, there is not; this guy is completely English, a timeshare customer who comes by twice a year.)

Colleague: *getting a bit desperate now* “I need to know the name the booking was made for before I can check you in.”

Customer: “Why do you need to know? I’m telling you my booking is for lodge 37! That’s all you need to know! LODGE 37! 37!”

(I chip in to help my colleague out.)

Me: “Sir. We cannot check you in or give you any keys until I know you are the individual on our system. Otherwise, anyone could come in and ask to check into any lodge at any time.”

(I do not raise my voice or snap at all during this explanation.)

Customer: “I didn’t ask you! And there’s no need to be rude. You could have just said so. It’s [Customer], for lodge 37.”

(My colleague completes the check-in process and hands over the keys to a lodge, and the customer gives me a filthy look as he heads out of the door. Once he is well out of sight, my colleague and I indulge in a synchronized facepalm before my colleague speaks up.)

Colleague: “You want to know the best part? He’s not in lodge 37. Specifically booked lodge 38.”

Me: “Why didn’t you tell him?”

Colleague: “Did you want to try and tell him that? He was so adamant. It’s written on his keyring; he’ll figure it out. And 37 is empty, anyway, so he’s not going to disturb anyone trying to get in.”

(We never heard from him, so we assume the guy found his lodge without any trouble.)

Bags For Life Will Be The Bane Of Yours

, , , , , | | Right | August 15, 2019

I work at a shop which has ditched the 5p bags and only has strong, reusable 10p bags. It’s a pretty good idea, since folk are more likely to hang on to the stronger ones and bring them out again next time they go shopping. Most people don’t mind at all that those are the only bags we have.

One day, a man came to my till with a few bits in the basket. It was nothing overly heavy — a couple of small bottles of pop and other things. When I offered him a bag, he asked for two, and told me to just put one inside the other so he could put everything in the one bag. Since our bags are already strong and good quality I was a little confused, so just to confirm I held up the only bags we had. 

For some reason, the customer looked annoyed and unnecessarily disgusted at the 10p bags. He asked if we had any 5p ones, because he didn’t really want to pay 10p for a bag. When I told him they were all we had, he sighed, asked me to just give him the one, and continued to look as if he had been ripped off. Now, you can see the flaw in this logic; he asked me for two 5p bags, which would have obviously amounted to 10p altogether, yet he couldn’t justify paying the same price for one, stronger, better-quality bag.

I waved him on his merry little way, still trying to figure out how his brain worked.

Deal-ing With Idiots

, , , | | Right | August 15, 2019

(I am a manager using an info desk computer when an irate customer storms over.)

Customer: “I’ve been overcharged! It’s lucky I checked my receipt; it’s ridiculous the mistakes your staff make! I can’t believe you are trying to overcharge me!”

Me: “Hi there. What exactly is the issue?”

Customer: *brandishes receipt* “I was to get three meat items for £10, but it hasn’t gone through!”

Me: “Okay, may I see your receipt and your items, please? Sometimes customers accidentally lift an item not included in the deal… Oh, I see the issue: you’ve only been charged for two items, not three!”


Me: “Actually, you have been undercharged by £1.60! The two items only add up to £8.40, so you got the third item for free!”

Customer: “No, I got cheated. You are trying to overcharge me! I don’t understand!”

Me: *trying not to be patronizing* “Do you see these two items?” *holds them up* “You were charged £8.40 for them, and this item–” *points at third item* “–was never scanned. It was free. The deal didn’t work because you were paying less.

Customer: “But I don’t get it! You were not giving me the deal!”

Me: “Yes, because you didn’t pay for all three items. You paid less. In fact, you owe me £1.60.”

(Normally, as a gesture of goodwill, if they had been nice I would have let them go on with their free item, but I am at my wits’ end.)

Customer: “But how do I owe you money? You owe me money!”

Me: “Right. I’m going to refund you for the two items on your receipt. Now I’m scanning the items. Okay, the deal has gone through; you owe me £1.60.” 

Customer: “I got the deal?”

Me: “Yes. You got the deal. That will be £1.60, please” 

(The customer paid and left, still muttering about how they didn’t understand. I went and took five minutes in the cold room in the back.)

Skirting Over The Denim Issue

, , , , , | | Working | August 14, 2019

(I work in an office. We get a lot of people for whom this is a first job. I train our new starters. I have my script down pat after many years of saying the same things. There are lots of things I have to cover that seem like I shouldn’t have to say, but if someone has ever done it before, I have to cover it. Amongst them is the dress code:)

Me: “No denim, jeans, or anything that looks like or is styled after denim or jeans. This includes jeans, denim jackets, denim shirts, denim waistcoats, jeggings, clothes made of material designed to look like denim that isn’t actually denim, jean-cut trousers, chinos, or anything else that gives the appearance of jeans or denim in any way.”

(You’d think this is pretty clear, right? Today, one of our newer staff members turned up in a denim mini-skirt. Her excuse?)

New Staff: “You did say that, but I didn’t think this would count. You didn’t mention anything about denim skirts!”

(That, of course, also ignored that fact that the dress code training also included “full-length trousers with socks, or skirt to at least the knee with tights.”)

You’re Welcome To Help Out

, , , | | Right | August 14, 2019

(The cinema is showing a sing-a-long version of [Film #1], and since I’ve booked a couple of days off due to travelling out of town for a tour the day before, my friends and I have bought tickets with the intent of making a night of it. I’m the first one there, so I wait near the door for my friends to arrive. I usually work at this cinema and there are a few regular customers who will bother me out of uniform but most of the time the customers leave me be… except for tonight.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, what time is [Film #2] showing?”

Me: “Sorry, don’t know.”

Customer #1: *gives me a strange look and walks off*

(Five minutes later.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me; do you work here?”

Me: “Um, not tonight.”

Customer #2: “Well, can you help me, anyway? I need to know what time [Film #3] finishes.”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t know that. I’m just waiting for someone, but someone over at the counter can help you.”

Customer #2: *storms off* “How rude.”

(Two minutes later:)

Customer #3: “Excuse me. Do you work here?”

(I’m sick of this by now so I figure it’s easier to just lie.)

Me: “No.”

Customer #3: *stares at me for a minute before leaving*

(Soon my friends arrive and I relay what’s happened.)

Friend: “Well… you do realise what you’re wearing, don’t you?”

(I was wearing a jacket I bought at the tour the day before, almost the exact same red as the cinema’s uniform, and across the back in large, glittery letters are the words, “You’re Welcome.” No wonder people thought I could help them!)