Will Not Be A Prisoner To Your Annoyances

, , , | | Legal | May 12, 2019

(I’ve been working at this prison for a few weeks when I finally get my night shifts. It’s my first night and I’m alone — pretty standard — after finishing my count when a cell bell goes off. I wander down to the cell and open the little door covering the glass panel to find a distinctly Indian man staring at me.)

Me: “Yes?”

Prisoner: “What is your name?”

Me: “OSG [My Surname]. What do you want?”

Prisoner: “Nothing.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I close the hatch and make it all the way back to the office before another cell bell sounds; it’s the same cell. Annoyed, I head back.)

Me: “What?”

Prisoner: “How long have you worked here?”

Me: “Do you actually want something, or are you just trying to piss me off? No? Yes? Bye.”

(Growling, I head back to the office, hoping he’s had enough. I’ve been warned that inmates tend to try this on with “new blood,” so I’m prepped for it. Not five minutes pass before the bell goes again and — surprise, surprise — it’s my new friend.)

Me: “I will report this to the Senior PO and request your television be removed if you keep this up, inmate.”

Prisoner: *clearly realising that, despite being female, I actually have balls* “Erm… I just… Do you want a cup of tea?”

Me: “And how exactly do you propose getting it to me through the four inches of steel that makes up this door? Think about it and let me know when you come up with a solution…”

(Safe to say, I didn’t have any more issues that night.)

Needs To Coin A New Term For That Level Of Lazy

, , , , , , , | Working | May 12, 2019

(I’m buying a few things in a stationery shop. The cashier is in his early 20s, the same age as me.)

Cashier: “£5.70, please.”

(I hand over £6 in cash.)

Cashier: *dramatic sigh* “Can you pay by card today?”

(I’m totally thrown, as I’ve never been asked this question.)

Me: “Umm… no.”

Cashier: *very rudely* “It’s just, if you pay by cash, I have to do change. Give me your card.” *holds his hand out for my card*

Me: “Er… yeah. You have to do change.”

(From where I am standing, I can see that his screen has gone blue and says, “CHANGE = 0.30p” in massive white font.)

Cashier: *snappy, arrogant, and rude* “Look. For future reference, I suggest paying by card. It’s so much easier than cash.”

Me: “I’d like my 30p now, please.”

(He sighs dramatically and looks down at his drawer. He seems to think about it for a bit too long, then presses a button. A manager comes over.)

Cashier: *like the whole thing is beneath him* “It’s 10p three times, isn’t it? Which one is 10p?”

Manager: “Just go.” *to me, while giving me my 30p* “I’d have more time for him if he wasn’t familiar with British currency, but he’s over 20 and doesn’t know the difference between a 2p and a £2 coin. Born here, that kid, and I’ve told him which is which every day for months. He just insists everyone should use cards. So rude to people, too.”

(I’ve been back since and the anti-change guy wasn’t there. What’s so bad about a few coins?)

Let Me Backpainfully Explain This Again…

, , , , , | | Friendly | May 12, 2019

(I am 13 when I get into a car accident with my grandmother and sister. I get horrendous back pain and whiplash after a man decides it is a great idea to open his car door onto the road. I can’t bend down, and eventually, my mum takes me to the local walk-in health centre. We wait for over an hour to see someone and eventually we are taken through to see the nurse. She is a young girl but seems to know what she is doing, so when she asks me to take a urine test, I don’t know any better and provide one for her. A few minutes later she comes back into the room and speaks to my mum.)

Nurse: “Well, she isn’t pregnant.”

(I just stare at her for a moment, trying to understand what she is saying. I am a 13-year-old girl and don’t honestly know much about sex, never mind being pregnant. My mum’s mouth gapes open for a few seconds, flapping like a fish.)

Mum: “What?! I know she’s not pregnant. She was in a car crash and is suffering from pain in her back.”

(The nurse suddenly comes over in realisation of what she has said.)

Nurse: “I’m so sorry; I didn’t realise how old she was.”

Mum: “What do you mean, you didn’t realise? She’s 13 years old! Oh, my God, I can’t believe you just came to that conclusion with her back pain. I even explained to you what the problem was and you still assumed a young, smart girl like her would be so f****** stupid?!”

(I shrank away as my mum’s voice rose over the sound of the curtains, the nurse practically cowering in the corner, and before long my mum was demanding to see another nurse. I will never forget the look of horror on that woman’s face. I’m 25 now and pretty sure I’m still not pregnant. Back pain is gone, though.)

Won’t Change The Menu Even By A Nugget

, , , | | Right | May 11, 2019

(I work for a large chain of restaurants; each has an identical menu. The kitchen only has what we need.)

Me: *answering phone* “Good afternoon.  This is [Restaurant], [My Name] speaking; how can I help?”

Customer: “Hiya. I was looking to book a table, but I have some questions about the menu.”

Me: “Yup?”

Customer: “My kid is really fussy and only eats chicken nuggets. Do you do those?”

Me: “Really sorry. I’m afraid we don’t.”

Customer: “Is there any way you could?”

Me: “I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “Couldn’t the kitchen make some?”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t have the right ingredients, sir.”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “It’s not hard to make some! Surely you have something you could do?”

Me: “Even if I could, the kitchen wouldn’t allow it. as it would make the stock levels wrong.”

Customer: “Couldn’t you just go buy some?!”

Me: “Really sorry, I’m not allowed to do that.”

Customer: *really annoyed* “I’ll guess I’ll have to make her eat something else, then!”

Me: “Sorry about that.”

(He made the booking. anyway. All I could think was that maybe by making her eating something different, she might have a chance at a healthy diet!)

Hopefully No One Is Dying For That Call

, , , , , , | Working | May 10, 2019

(I have a doctor’s appointment on Thursday. On Friday, I get a call from the doctor’s surgery but I miss the call because I am taking a nap, and I don’t wake up until after the surgery has closed. They’re closed all of Saturday and Sunday, so I call back on Monday.)

Receptionist: *goes through her regular greeting*

Me: “Hi. I got a call from your surgery on Friday, but I missed it so I’m just returning the call now.”

Receptionist: “Okay, so, what do you want me to do?”

Me: *stunned pause* “Well, I’d like to know what the call was about. Can you check my records?”

Receptionist: *tuts* “Sure, what’s your name?”

Me: “It’s [My Name].”

Receptionist: “There are no notes on your account about you being called.”

Me: “Uh, okay? So, how do I find out what the call was about?”

Receptionist: “You’ll just have to wait until whoever called you calls again. Goodbye.” *hangs up*

(It’s now Thursday again, six days since my appointment, and I haven’t had a call back. Hopefully, it was nothing important!)

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