, , , | Working | November 13, 2017

(I’m running and playing in a poker night at a pub, with a fixed pot of about £40. I go to raise on one hand and count the chips as I’m putting them in.)

Me: “I raise to… four… six… nine-hundred.”

Player: “That doesn’t count! The rules say you have to put it in in one movement. The casinos wouldn’t allow it!”

Me: “Yes, but we’re not in the casinos; we’re in the pub and it doesn’t matter that much. You’re not even in this hand.”

Player: “It does matter. Rules are important.”

Me: “So… Shall we agree to play by casino rules from now on?”

Player: “Yes!”

Me: “All right.”

(A few hands later, it’s my turn to deal. Everyone folds on the flop.)

Player: “So, what would have come up then?”

Me: “I can’t show you that.”

Player: “I just want to see what I would have got.”

Me: “We agreed to play by casino rules. You can’t flip through dead hands. It’s known as ‘rabbit hunting.’”


Player: “All in.”

Me: “Put them in, then.”

Player: “We’ll sort that out afterwards.”

Me: “No. Casino rules say only chips beyond the line count.”

(He tries to put his chips in, a couple of stacks at a time.)

Me: “And you have to do it in one movement, too.”

Won The Prize For Worst Scam

, , , , | Right | November 13, 2017

(A guy running a Facebook page contacts our company asking if we can provide some free stuff for a “competition.” We ask what the competition is supposed to be, and tell him that we would be willing to consider it if they agree to display our logo on all competition-related links and images, and have a link to our social media pages in the posts. He ignores our questions and does not acknowledge any of our terms, so we are suspicious, especially as his Facebook Group is closed and we are having trouble seeing any of his content, despite sending a request to have access to the group.)

Me: “You haven’t answered any of our questions yet; what is this competition supposed to be?”

Scammer: “All of our members have the chance to hit like and share, and then we pick someone at random to receive the prize. Everyone in the group is local, so you can be sure that they will get the prize.”

Me: “If we are sending a prize out, we will send it directly to the winner using a tracked service so that we know it got there. Is there a reason why you are running this competition and want us to sponsor you?”

Scammer: “Nah, no need. I already told you everyone lives locally. Just send it to [address] and we will take it directly to the winner.”

Me: *now really suspicious* “Part of our terms of sponsoring this competition are that we send it directly to the winner, and you still haven’t told us why you are running this and want us to sponsor you.”

Scammer: “Our group has been a bit dead lately, and I just wanted to get the activity going again and remind everyone that our group is still active. I don’t think that our members will be happy giving you their address to send stuff. Our other sponsors have always agreed to send the stuff to the admins first so that they can get a bit, too, after the effort of organising it.”

Me: “Sorry, but we are not interested.”

Scammer: “What? Why not?”

Me: “You are asking us to send you over £100 of stuff for free, not answering any of our questions or agreeing to any of our reasonable terms. Whoever this ‘winner’ is will not even get everything we send out as, apparently, the admins will be taking a slice, too. We do not operate this way, and this is not a group we wish to work with.”

(The guy went ballistic as he had apparently already posted on his group that this competition was happening and had already been receiving his likes and shares for entries. Giving away over £100 was something we were bound to do, apparently. He went away for a few months, then came back again today, asking again if we would be interested in sponsoring a competition he was running, and seemed to have forgotten entirely what happened before.)

Unfiltered Story #100066

, , | Unfiltered | November 13, 2017

(I am the customer in this story. My bus arrives and I have my pass in hand, but only then realise I bought a return ticket that morning. I get out my purse, where it should be, but can’t find it. The following is the conversation I have with the bus driver after placing my pass on the reader:)

Me: “[Street Name], please.” *sighs* “I bought a return this morning but now I can’t find it.”

Bus Driver: “Oh dear… you’re also already on [Street Name], so I can’t sell you a ticket to there!”

Me: “Ugh, sorry, [destination name] please.”

Bus Driver: “There you go.” *I begin to walk away* “Don’t forget your card!”

Me: I’ll forget to get off next!”

(Thankfully I didn’t… that would have been a long, expensive and potentially impossible journey home!)

Things Won’t Be All Right In A Minute

, , , , | Right | November 12, 2017

(In the county I live in, it’s customary for entire conversations to consist solely of, “You all right?” “Yeah, you?” “Yeah,” to the extent where there have been songs written about it. A customer in her 60s walks into the store. My coworker is a student from a posh area up country, studying in the local university.)

Coworker: “You all right, there? How can I help?”

Customer: “You mean, ‘Good morning?’ ‘All right’ is a greeting only used by these backwards inbreds!”

(An entire store of “backwards inbreds” turned to look at the woman, and stared at her the entire time she was waiting for my coworker to go and fetch her contact lenses from the contact lens department, which she was too lazy to do herself.)

Making A Bold Statement

, , , , | Friendly | November 12, 2017

(I’m in the local pub late at night, just having a quiet night. A guy comes running in and comes up to another guy at the bar, asking for a cigarette.)

Guy At The Bar: “Yeah, whatever. Why are you running about, anyway?”

Guy Who Ran In: “I just robbed [Supermarket]!”

Guy At The Bar: “Yeah, yeah, and I’m the queen. Do you have a lighter?”

(They both go out, as it’s illegal to smoke inside. There’s a bit of commotion when the guy from the bar comes in looking annoyed. He picks up his stuff.)

Guy At The Bar: “He did just f****** rob [Supermarket], didn’t he? I’ve got to give a f****** statement now.”

Barman: “Have a nice night, Your Majesty.”

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