(V)ery (A)bsent (T)hought

, , , , | Right | February 25, 2010

(After confirming the price of every single item in a customer’s basket as it goes through the till, I finally hand her the receipt.)

Customer: “Wait, what’s this thing here? It was really expensive!” *points at item on her receipt*

Me: “That’s VAT.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “Value Added Tax.”

Customer: “I didn’t buy any of that.”

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Pages Of A Post-Apocalyptic Persuasion

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2010

Customer: “I want a book to complete the set for my grandson.”

Me: “Certainly, madam. Can I ask what you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Well, he’s interested in history. I want to encourage him, so he’s already got books on World War 1 and World War 2. I want to get him the next one so he can be prepared before they do it at school.”

Me: “Um, the next one?”

Customer: “Yes. Haven’t you got anything on World War 3? I’ve looked all over.”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam. I’m pretty certain we don’t have anything on that subject at the moment.”

Customer: “Oh, never mind, then. I’ll try a bigger bookshop.”

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When Presumptions Meet Postmodernism

, , , , , | Right | February 18, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to get this DVD for my son.” *hands me a copy of Watchmen*

Me: “How old is your son, ma’am?”

Customer: “Five.”

Me: “Sorry, this film isn’t suitable for your son.”

Customer: “But it’s about superheroes! How can a film about superheroes be unsuitable for kids?”

Me: “There is a scene where one of the heroes cuts a man’s head in half with a meat cleaver.”

Customer: “What, are they thick or something? How could you put that in a kid’s film?”

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Ah, Mothers, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | February 18, 2010

(A lady comes running up to the till almost in tears, screaming that she has lost her daughter. I ask the lady for her daughter’s details. As a rule, we are not allowed to say the child’s name.)

Customer: “Just call her name!”

Me: “We can’t do that. How old is she and what is she wearing?”

Customer: “Just call her name! Please, I just need to find her. She’s lost. She’ll be scared.”

Me: “If you can tell us what she looks like and her age, we can put a call out for her and everybody in-store can look out for her.”

Customer: “Just call her name, will you! Stop being so cocky!”

Me: “We really aren’t supposed to put out names. If somebody finds your daughter, she is more likely to go off with them if they say her name.”

Customer: “Are you stupid? She is 37 years old! She isn’t going to go off with some stranger!”

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Some Customers Never Let You Down

, , , , | Right | February 10, 2010

Customer: “Where are the escalators and lifts?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. The lift is reserved for people who are unable to use the stairs, and there are no escalators. There is a staircase just over there if that’s what you’re looking for”.

Customer: “But those are ‘down’ stairs. I need to go back up.”

Me: “Ma’am, stairs go both up and down. That is why we have stairs instead of escalators.”

Customer: “But I need to go upstairs, and you don’t have any ‘up’ stairs. Are you trying to trap people here?”

Me: “You know what? Let me show you the lift.”

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