Hair Comes Trouble

, , , | Friendly | December 8, 2017

(My friends and I are going on holiday together. For one of them, this is his first ever flight, and his first time even at an airport. He’s a large bearded man, but a total kid. Understandably, he’s incredibly excited. He’s also not great with common sense.)

Friend: “Come on guys! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

(At this point, he’s literally bouncing up and down with his gigantic backpack on.)

Me: “Slow down, [Friend]; we need to clear our bags with security first.”

Friend: “Sweet! Race you there!”

Me: “[Friend], NO!”

(Cue a large, bearded man sprinting headlong towards security with a gigantic backpack. We practically had to tackle him. He honestly didn’t understand what he’d done wrong.)

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Politely Depressing

, , , , , | Related | December 8, 2017

(Our parents are out at the theatre, so my brothers and I are left at home. Some time after they leave, my younger brother asks to speak to me upstairs in our room, looking sad. I go up and he starts crying, stressed and sad because of a combination of puberty hormones and tonsillitis. His nose starts bleeding, which is common for him, and I usher him into the bathroom, trying to calm him down. Our older brother storms up the stairs. It should be noted that he has a habit of not noticing his tone, so we often have to ask him to be more polite.)

Older Brother: *angrily* “Can you please stop crying? It’s really depressing!”

Me: “Are you f****** kidding me?! GET DOWNSTAIRS, NOW! HE’S BLOODY SOBBING HIS EYES OUT, AND ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS THAT IT DEPRESSES YOU?! GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE!”

(My brother makes an indignant face and storms off downstairs. He turns back to fling this at me.)

Brother: “I asked POLITELY!”

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Boy Is That Teacher In Trouble

, , , , | Learning | December 7, 2017

(Just a few months ago, two students in my year at school came out as transgender. Both were born female but identify as male, and they have been easily accepted by almost everyone. They have had their genders changed on the school registers, and their feminine names altered to the masculine ones they prefer. Aside from the odd bully, they never seem to get into much trouble, until our school pulls a small group of students out of classes for a special workshop and talk. The two trans students and about 30 others, myself included, show up at the hall where the talk is going to take place. The teacher greets us in the usual manner you would expect and ushers us inside. That’s when things start to go downhill.)

Teacher: “Hello, ladies! As most of you know, National Women in Engineering Day was last week and [School] has picked you guys to participate in a workshop that we hope will encourage you to take a career in engineering when you leave school.”

(By this point, many of us are glancing towards the two trans students. They look extremely uncomfortable, obviously wondering if there has been some kind of mix up.)

Teacher: “You girls are the highest performing students in STEM–” *Science Technology Engineering Maths* “–out of your year, so we feel you are more than capable of completing these tasks we have selected.”

(The two students stand, starting to leave, as there is no real reason for them to be there.)

Teacher: “[Student #1], [Student #2]! Where are you going?”

Student #1: “To class, Mrs. [Teacher].”

Teacher: “No! Sit back down, and be respectful!”

Student #2: “But miss, this is a workshop about women in engineering and we’re—”

Teacher: *interrupting* “I know what you girls are! Stop with this ridiculous nonsense about being boys. You are girls, you were born girls, and you will always be girls.”

(Everyone in the entire hall has their jaws on the floor. The trans students look understandably upset, while the teacher is simply glaring at them. None of us know what to do, until another student stands up, and stalks out of the room. There is silence for a few minutes. The student returns with one of the deputy heads.)

Deputy Head: “Mrs. [Teacher]. May I have a word with these students?”

(The teacher looks smug and nods.)

Deputy Head: “What Mrs. [Teacher] has just said is absolutely incorrect. Girls can be boys, and boys can be girls. I hope that none of you will support the nonsense view that she has just tried to teach you. Mrs. [Teacher], my office. Now.”

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On The Rocks Hits Rock Bottom

, , , | Right | December 6, 2017

(I am serving a woman and I’m about to make her drink for her meal.)

Customer: “Please, can I just have a little bit of ice? I don’t like too much ice.”

Me: “Of course; I’ll just sprinkle a little in the bottom.”

Customer: “Oh no, I prefer me ice at the top of the cup; could you please put it there instead?”

Me: “Umm, sure, I think I can manage that…”

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They’ll Get It In A Minute

, , , | Right | December 6, 2017

(I work at an amusement park. I’m just heading on my break when a guest approaches me.)

Guest: “Excuse me, what time does [ride] open?”

Me: “Eleven o’clock.”

Guest: “And what time is it now?”

Me: “Twenty-five minutes to eleven.”

Guest: “So, how long do I have to wait?”

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