Allergic To Dairy And Dip-S***s

, , , , , , | Romantic | December 11, 2017

(I am allergic to dairy; I will go into shock if I have even a small amount. A surprisingly large amount of stuff has dairy in it and I hate making people wait while I check whether something will kill me, so I often go for the easiest thing on the menu. I meet this guy online and we go to a coffee shop to meet, safely, in person. I ask for soy in my drink and he asks if it is for flavour reason; I state that it is a dietary requirement, but we don’t talk much about it further than that. We decide to continue with the relationship, and a week or so later we go on our first date. He chooses an Italian place for dinner, which is a very risky place for me to go to. I find it a little odd, considering the coffee shop, but I just go for a vegan dish to be safe. A few weeks later, he invites me out to a steak place. I have never been to this place and I can’t find a website to check their menu prior to going. It’s a little bit worrying, but I know most dairy in a steakhouse is in the optional sauces. When I arrive, my date keeps glancing at me, which I don’t really understand. We are seated and given menus, and he is now staring at me intently.)

Me: “What?”

Date: *somewhat smugly* “You won’t find anything vegan on the menu.”

Me: “What’s your point?”

Date: *smug look falters* “Huh?”

Me: “I said, ‘What’s your point?’ I’m not vegan.”

Date: “But… The soy? And at the Italian place?”

Me: “I’m allergic to dairy. Severely allergic, actually, so vegan is a safe choice for me. You took me to a steakhouse thinking I was a vegan?” *pause* “And you thought I would accept it if I was a vegan?”

Date: “W-Well, I thought it would be funny to watch you struggle.”

Me: “You wanted to watch the little vegan get upset over not being able to eat off the menu. Wow.”

Date: “But this is great that you’re just allergic! That means you’re fine to be with!”

Me: “What?”

Date: “Yeah, ’cause vegans are crazy! You don’t f*** crazy!”

(I stare at him.)

Me: “You’re totally right; you don’t f*** crazy. I don’t f*** crazy, or stupid, or a**holes. See ya.”

(I get that some vegans are in your face about it, but that guy was just a jerk.)


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What The Ellie?

, , , , | Working | December 10, 2017

(We have a new contract and have been given a direct contact who will handle all things which are needed across both companies. Her email address is, I assume, her name. It starts with Ellie. I email her a formal introduction, as I will be interacting quite a lot with her in the coming weeks.)

Me: “Dear Ellie, I would just like introduce myself prior to our actual meeting, as there will be many new faces for you to remember. I’m [My Name], and I am the main commercial advisor who will be dealing with your contract.”

Eloise: “Dear [My Name], thank you for your email. I would like to ask, however, that you address me by my full name, Eloise. We have not established a strong enough work relationship to start using nicknames.”

(Her email includes a signature with “Ellie” as her name.)

Me: “Oh, I do apologise. We have only been given your email address, and I have a relative who is named Ellie, so I assumed it was the same situation with you. I am sorry if I caused offence.”

Eloise: “No offence caused. But please try to remember, it is E-L-O-I-S-E. I would also appreciate the exclusion of personal details in future correspondence, thank you.” *same signature*

(I can tell she isn’t interested in anything beyond the most basic and professional relationship, so I decide to stick with that. Everything is going well until I receive an email one morning that is addressed to everyone in the company.)

Eloise: “Could I please request that all future correspondence address me as ‘Eloise,’ as the level of unprofessionalism being conveyed by your company is disturbing and affects productivity. We do not know each other on a personal level, so addressing me with just ‘Ellie’ is extremely inappropriate. Thank you.” *Ellie signature*

(I decide not to respond, as I have followed this request to the letter already. Several more emails come through following a similar theme. This is the first.)

Director: “Eloise, I can understand your frustration; however, as your employer has only graced us with your email address, and this company prides itself on maintaining a friendly environment, we have had little reason to assume your name is anything other than your email suggests. I would advise perhaps updating your signature, as the use of your nickname may be causing confusion.”

(We got no response from her, but I heard she complained about the “lack of professionalism” to her bosses. The director asked if she had an additional address with her full name, instead, so that the desire to use her nickname at first contact would be prevented. She didn’t, and seemed thoroughly offended by the suggestion. The contract was put in jeopardy because of it, and required a full week of board meetings to straighten out. In the end, she was moved to another contract to save on future hostilities.)

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Unfiltered Story #101609

| Unfiltered | December 10, 2017

I work at a company that sells medical equipment. The moment my boss went on maternity leave, the department was restructured and her job eliminated, a common work-around employers use in the UK to circumvent maternity rights. That restructuring has been catastrophic for the office, and people are leaving left, right and centre — not that management have noticed any change but the savings. Many suspect they’re just trying to constructively dismiss the old guard on FT contracts and replace us with zero-hours workers, a process which has already begun.

I’m at the reception desk one day — this is not my job, but my team has gone from 5 to 2 people in a few weeks, and someone has to do it — when a few colleagues come through.

[HR worker]: Hi [name].
Me: Hey, you alright?
[HR]: Yeah. Still here, are you?
Me: Yes?
[HR]: Well, look at that. I honestly didn’t know you were still here.
Me: *speechless*
[HR]: Ah well. Determined to be the last man standing, are you?
Me: *resolving to use company time to review my job applications the moment his back is turned* …not exactly, no.

Unfiltered Story #101605

| Unfiltered | December 10, 2017

(I am being served at the till and the cashier is putting my things through when I realise the time and I stand still.)

Cashier: That will be £[amount], miss. (when I don’t say anything) Miss? (to herself, but loud enough for me to hear) Bloody rude bitch. (some seconds later) Excuse me, you’re holding up the line. (She leans near me and snaps her fingers quite rudely) Self-entitled whore. (to the next customer) Some people, eh? Just looking at their phones and not paying attention to anything around them. Come through, let me pay you. I’m refunding her shopping.

(The customer comes past me, a little confused. I see him look at me, seemingly concerned in case I’m sick or something. Then I snap out of it.)

Me: Can I pay now, please?

Cashier: (snottily) Er, no! You should have listened to me when I said so. Now you’re going to have to pay in another queue, since I refunded your transaction. (smiles nastily) have a nice day.

Me: It’s Armistice Day. I was honouring our fallen dead with the two minute silence. But that doesn’t matter since I’m never coming here again.

(I file a complaint. I have never been back.)

That Should Perk(ins) You Up A Little Bit

, , , , | Friendly | December 9, 2017

(I look similar to the comedian Sue Perkins to the point where random people I don’t know comment on it. I’ve found out that two-thirds of the employees of the company I work for, including me, are either going to be made redundant. As it’s early days, no one at the company knows what’s actually going to happen to us, including the people who have made this decision. My biggest issue with the entire situation is the fact I had just felt like I had gotten my life back on track after a nasty period of time, and that has been taken from me. I’ve been messaging a friend about it, when she decides to call me. We have a bit of a conversation when this happens:)

Friend: “Just remember, though, there is only one you in the world, and no one can replace you.”

Me: “Sue Perkins.”

Friend: *pause* “Well… That’s a pretty good replacement, to be fair.”

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