Their Pie Is A Katy Perry Song

, , , | Right | January 8, 2018

(I am in a local restaurant for lunch. A man and woman at the table next to mine have just been given their meals, which are both some kind of meat pie with potatoes and veggies on the side. They call for the waitress.)

Male Customer: “Excuse me! Our food is almost cold.”

Waitress: “Really? The plates were very hot.”

Male Customer: “No, the plates are hot, but the pie is just barely warm.”

Waitress: “I’m sorry; I’ll go get you new meals.”

(A few minutes later:)

Waitress: “Here you are. I’m so sorry. I spoke to the chef and he said customers have complained the pie was too hot, so he lets it sit outside the oven for a bit before he serves it. This was fresh from the oven; I hope it’s all right for you.”

(They both began to eat and then both put their forks down.)

Male Customer: *to female customer* “This is way too hot; I’ll have to let it cool down.

Female Customer: “Mine is, too.”

(They both sat there for a good five minutes before they could eat their food. I saw the waitress watching them; she seemed to think it was quite amusing.)

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Keep Note Of Taxis Like This

, , , , , , , | Working | January 8, 2018

(I live in Glasgow and have gotten a taxi to Queen Street Station. The driver has been perfectly calm and chatting with me up until now. When we get to the station, I see the cost is £17.60. I instinctively grab the first note in my wallet, believing only one to be in there, and hand it over.)

Driver: *furious* “This is a fiver!”

Me: “Oh, sorry. I didn’t know I had that in there.”

(I take it back and pull out the £20 note. In this time, however, the driver turns off the engine, locks the doors, and starts using his phone.)

Me: “Umm, here.”

Driver: “SIT DOWN! YOU AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE!”

(I sit down, confused and worried, as he dials the police, reporting my blunder as attempted theft. After he hangs up he spends the next couple of minutes mumbling at how the English, like me, can’t be trusted. When the police arrive, he gets out and starts ranting at them. I can only see the face of one officer, who doesn’t look too impressed. She comes over and talks to me through the window.)

Officer: “Now, I’m not going to get formal with you. You look respectable enough, and [Driver] phones us at least once week thinking someone is stealing from him. Can you pay?”

(I lift up the £20 and she looks at the meter before rolling her eyes.)

Officer: “So, what happened?”

Me: “I had another note in my wallet and took that out, instead.”

(She rolls her eyes again and goes back to the driver. The driver then comes back and takes my money. He hands me my change.)

Me: “You’ve short-changed me.”

Driver: *pretending to be calm* “No, I haven’t!”

Me: “You’ve given me 40p; I should have £2.40.”

(Both officers looked in the car at the meter, and the driver begrudgingly gave me the extra £2 before speeding off. The officers shrugged and left. I just made it to my train. The irony of it all was, he was also English.)

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A Holiday From Management Should Be Mandatory

, , , , | Working | January 8, 2018

(I have been taken off the schedule for a particular week. I assume this is because I haven’t taken a holiday in quite a while, and have been given a mandatory holiday [without notice, but such a thing is common at my store]. I am shopping on Friday afternoon with my mum, in said store, when a department manager approaches both of us while we roam around. The store’s week end is Saturdays.)

Manager: “[My Name], you haven’t been put in the rota for this week.”

Me: “I know.”

Manager: “Well, you need to work, otherwise you won’t fill your quota, and will be written up.”

Me: “But I wasn’t scheduled in to begin with; I thought it was a holiday. Why would I be written up for someone else’s mistake?”

Manager:“Because that’s how it works. You need to work a shift. There’s a note in the office; someone’s contacted you about this today.”

Me: *turning to my mum* “Has anyone called?”

Mum: “No, and I’ve been in the house all day.”

Me: *after checking my phone* “No missed calls. You have both my numbers. No one’s called.”

Manager: “Someone would have called if they haven’t already.”

Me: *checking my phone again* “The store is only open for another hour. You’re saying someone was going to phone me this late? The rota has been up all week. When did you notice the mistake?”

Manager: “It doesn’t matter now. You need to work this week. When can you do it?”

Me: *giving up* “Tomorrow morning, first thing.”

Manager: “First thing?”

Me: “From the second a manager opens those doors.”

Manager: “Tomorrow’s not good. Sunday is better.”

Me: “Sunday is next week. It would defeat the purpose of coming in.”

Manager: “Tomorrow isn’t good.”

Me: “I don’t care. I’m working tomorrow.”

Manager: “Okay.” *walks away, no thanks or goodbye*

(When I get home, I check for any messages. Shocker – there is none. I work the shift, and the following week, we get a lecture from the store manager.)

Store Manager: “Someone decided he would work a shift last week when he had mandatory holidays, meaning he went over his limit for accruing holidays. We’re now being penalised as a store for it.” *looking directly at me* “No one is getting written up for it, but let this be a warning. Do not think you can just come in anytime you feel like it. There will be consequences.”

Me: “I’ll hold my hand up and say it was me who worked last week. But don’t think for a second it that was by choice. [Manager] interrupted me while I was shopping and demanded I work to meet my quota-“

Store Manager: “She said she offered you Sunday-“

Me: “Which would have been a new week, a new quota to meet-“

Store Manager: “She was a bit rushed on Saturday and she didn’t understand the situa-“

Me: “Then what use is she? I assumed it was a holiday, but as no one bothers to tell us or confirm it, I couldn’t have known.”

Store Manager: “All you have to do is knock on the admin office and ask.”

Me: “From who? The only person in there is [Admin Manager] every morning, and she only balances the float and does the payroll. She has no understanding of how the schedule is created.”

Store Manager: “Yes, because it’s my duty to do that.”

Me: “Then leave a note for her or something. If such a little mistake is worthy of a write up, maybe you should put a little more effort into it before we walk or the store goes under.”

Store Manager: “…good point. I’ll look into it. Now everyone sign.”

(He literally did nothing about it, and asking the admin manager was ultimately pointless, as she refused to do anything. I ended up contacting the store manager’s personal number every week to find out about mandatory holidays [until he blocked me]. I got in touch with HR, asking about what could be done, and was told any manager could take on the responsibility, provided they were trained. A senior manager reassigned the responsibilities, and the admin manager was put forward for the schedule, but left beforehand, citing “too much workload.” I stepped forward to replace her and was trained by the senior manager in person. It only took two weeks to understand everything. In protest of my work ethic, two more managers left, who, surprisingly, we didn’t need to replace. The employees working under them did more than the managers ever had, and took a decent pay increase to fulfill the responsibilities, while I took on the rest. Our store ended up being the only store in our cluster to operate with a reduced management [three managers instead of five or six]. I even started taking on the store manager’s duties [or rather the ones he never bothered with]. He eventually claimed praise for improving efficiency, but the senior manager wasn’t impressed with his claim and audit checked us. My name was on everything, and while I should have gotten in trouble for overstepping my authority, the senior manager simply decided to take his place temporarily, demote him and the remaining manager, and promote me to assistant store manager. The employees who were fulfilling the absent manager roles were promoted, and two new managers were brought in. I was finally promoted to store manager, once the senior manager was satisfied with my performance. So, this is how I went from part-time to store manager inside of a year. The old store manager still works here, but he is completely useless. It surprises me how he got to be the manager in the first place.)

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Got Themselves In Your Bad Books

, , , , , , | Learning | January 8, 2018

(I work in my university’s bookshop. A student comes in and asks for a book for his course.)

Me: “Sorry, we’ve sold out. We get a new stock in every Monday, so if you come in first thing you should be able to get one.”

Student: “I can see one on the shelf behind the counter. Give me that one.”

Me: “Actually, that one is mine. I bought it last Monday when they first came in.”

Student: “You don’t need that. I do. Give it to me.”

Me: “What makes you think I don’t need it?”

Student: “Because you’re just a shop assistant. You don’t even have the qualifications needed to apply for [University], and [Course] is much too hard for you.”

Me: “Hmm, I see you weren’t at the pre-lecture meet-up.”

Student: “What? Yes, I was. How would you know?”

Me: “Because if you had been there, you would know that I’m the seminar tutor for [Course].”

(He looked at me like I’m nuts and left. Our first seminar was the day after, and I made an extra special effort to stress that the bookshop gets new stock every MONDAY. [Student] kept his head down for the entire seminar. I figure he got his books elsewhere from then on, because I’ve yet to see him in the shop since.)

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No Point Crying Over It

, , , , , , | Related | January 8, 2018

(I’m watching a children’s animated film with my mum. There is a bit where our heroes are trying to get back to their kingdom and the boy resorts to pretend-crying at the wizard so he will help them.)

Boy Character: *unintelligible crying*

Mum: “What did he say?”

Me: “‘Wahwuhsob.'”

Mum: “Ah, I thought so.”

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