A customer walks into the pool with her daughter who is around nine or ten.

Me: “Hi! Is your daughter here for a swimming lesson?”

Customer: “No, I want to buy my daughter this pool.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, do you mean you’d like to hire the pool for private use? Or would you like to sign her up for swimming lessons?”

Customer: “No. I want to buy this pool.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I think I’m misunderstanding. Do you mean you want to buy a swimming pool for your house?”

Customer: “No, I want to buy this pool. I want the whole thing. How much money does that cost? £500K? More than £1 million?”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t sell you this pool. You can privately hire the pool for up to two hours at a time for a maximum of twenty-five people. It will cost you £125 to do this if you’d like.”

Customer: “No. I want to own this place. Are you incompetent? Can you not grant a simple request?”

Me: “Ma’am, I apologise but this building is not for sale. Like I said, if you wish to privately use the pool, you can book it here if you give me a da—”

Customer: “No! How deaf are you? I want to buy the pool!”

Her daughter starts shouting that she wants to swim and tugging on her mum’s arm.

Customer: “Where’s the manager?”

I bring the manager out. He tells her exactly what I told her and goes back to what she was busy with, leaving me on my own.

Customer: “Why am I not allowed? You’ll all be rich! I’ll give you more money! Just let me buy it!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you wish to buy a pool, then you can find a company that handles that, but unfortunately, we are unable to sell this pool to you.”

Customer: “We live in London, for f***’s sake! Where am I meant to find a pool company? We live in an apartment! You are so stupid!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry you feel this way, but I cannot sell this place to you.”

Her daughter is now crying and shouting even more.

Customer’s Daughter: “MUM, I WANT THE POOL!”

Customer: “Look what you’ve done, you little rat! You’ve made her cry! Just sell me the g**d*** pool! I’ll pay whatever you want, b****!”

We have a policy that we can deny any customer service to the pool if they become abusive to the staff. She is now verbally abusing me.

Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry I can’t help you, but I do not want you to call me such names. I’m going to kindly ask you to leave.”

We have metal rotating gates that need me to push a button to allow people through to the pool. The woman starts trying to reach it but can’t so she attempts to climb over.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but you cannot go in. Please can you leave?”

Customer: “Fine, b****, but I’ll be back and I am going to buy you out of business!”

Then finally she left, leaving me exhausted. Frankly, I found it funny how she thought she could buy a council-funded pool.

I am a housing officer in a mental health specialist housing group. I’m responsible for over 100 properties over a large city. I am responsible for maintenance and tenant welfare and am extremely busy because of it. I’m a woman in my twenties but can easily pass for an eighteen-year-old.

I need to find a new carpet supplier and have arranged for several companies to provide quotes. The successful company will become our exclusive supplier, and we are recarpeting 90% of our existing properties with new ones coming in the next few weeks. On this day, I’m scheduled to work from home but I’m coming in as a favour. I am dressed in workout gear — leggings, trainers, and a hoodie — with my ID badge on display.

As I pull into the street, a van cuts me off coming down a pedestrian walkway. The driver beeps and makes vulgar gestures at me, all of which is captured on my dashcam. He races off, breaking the speed limit, and parks across two driveways, blocking me from parking on the property.

I drive past and walk to the property, and I notice the driver standing on the doorstep repeatedly ringing the bell and hammering on the door.

As he drops a cigarette butt on the floor, he notices me and lets out a shrill wolf-whistle.

Worker: “Oi, oi! How’s it going, baby?!”

Me: “Hello, are you [Worker] from [Company]? I’m [My Name] from [Housing Organisation]. I believe you’re here to bid for the carpeting contract?”

Worker: “Err, uhh, yeah. Yeah, that’s right, love! I thought I was meeting the officer, not their assistant! I’m only gonna deal with the big boss, all right, sweetheart?”

Me: “Actually, you won’t be dealing with anyone. I am [My Name] and I’m the officer dealing with contracts. Your conduct has been disgraceful; you’re not coming anywhere near my tenants or properties. I will be calling your supervisor to confirm exactly why you won’t be getting the contract and to let him know about your behaviour. Have a wonderful rest of the week, Mr. [Worker].”

Leaving him speechless, I stormed back to my car and went back to my office. His company was apoplectic with rage when they heard what he had done and he was fired on the spot, due to this incident combined with previous issues. They sent both their other workers who would be carrying out the work to meet me and sign up for mental health awareness training, AND they gave us two carpet fittings free. Due to this, we gave them the contract and have had no trouble since.

I work in a small charity shop selling clothes and other goods. We all work hard to make it look nice, but it’s pretty obvious everything is second-hand. A customer comes in and browses for a while, and then comes to the counter with a child’s ride-on toy with the usual marks from use.

Customer: “This is a bit dirty.”

Me: “Yes, we’ve cleaned it up but those marks wouldn’t come off.”

Customer: “The wheels are all marked up, too.”

Me: “Yes, it’s been used, so they will be.”

Customer: “Oh, this has been used? Can I get one from the back?”

Me: “Sorry, this is the only one; we don’t have stock or anything.”

Customer: “Well, when are you getting more in? I’m not buying a used one.”

Me: *Pause* “You do realise this is a charity shop?”

Customer: “Well, of course, I do. It says on the front.”

Me: “Everything here is donated; it’s all second-hand.”

Customer: “It’s… what? What do you mean?”

She looks around, confused.

Customer: “You’re selling for charity.”

Me: “People donate things to us. Sometimes we’re lucky and get things that are pretty new-looking, but everything here is used.”

Customer: “So… you don’t sell anything new?”

Me: “Er. No. Sorry.”

Customer: “Oh, right. Sorry, then. I don’t want this… I didn’t know how this all worked.”

She left the toy on the counter and walked out, still looking a bit confused. Seriously, even if you’ve never been in a charity shop before, it’s pretty obvious that nothing is brand new!

Related:
Not Very Charitable Expectations

I receive a phone call from an unknown number. As I am in the process of moving house and have had various phone calls from estate agents, mortgage advisers, etc., I answer.

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello, is this the homeowner? I am calling from the [TV/Broadband Provider] broadband.”

Yes, he did add the “the.” Straightaway, I recognise this as a scam call! After reading some of the stories on this site, I am finally able to have some fun!

Me: “This is he.”

Caller: “Hello, valued customer.”

The real broadband provider would address me as “Mr. [My Surname].”

Caller: “We are calling because there have been reports of bugs and hacking in your area.”

Me: “Oh, dear, that sounds very bad.”

Caller: “We are contacting all of our customers at the [TV/Broadband Provider] broadband to warn you. We are able to make your computers much more secure.”

Me: “Well, that sounds good.”

Caller: “We need to check your router first.”

Me: “Oh, is that the big box filled with the Internet?”

Caller: *Pause* “It has some lights on the front. Can you describe them for me?”

My router has three green lights.

Me: “Uh, it has two flashing blue lights. Is that normal?”

Caller: “Yes, that’s what we have on our screen.”

Yeah, right!

Caller: “Are there any lights on the back?”

There aren’t.

Me: “There’s a big flashing red light. Is that how they’re hacking me?”

Caller: “Yes, we see that on our screen. Now, we need to run a program on your laptop. The Chinese and the Russians could be hacking your Internet and giving you bugs.”

Me: “Oh, no! Does that mean I’ll get that nasty Chinese bug I’ve seen on the news through my Internet? I’ve been shielding and had to stay inside!”

That last part is true!

Caller: “No, we can help. Is the laptop on?”

Me: “Yes.”

Of course, it isn’t.

Caller: “Right, I need you to obey these instructions.”

I pretend to mishear the instructions or not understand, having to check with my (fictional) roommate or asking how quick a “double-click” should be. This goes on for about fifteen minutes or so. Eventually, he says I should see a box with options on screen.

Caller: “What does it say?”

Me: “It says I can’t do this as I need admin access. I don’t know what that means!”

Caller: *Pause* “Let me get my supervisor.”

I hear him speaking to his mate at the desk next door, and then the “supervisor” comes online.

Supervisor: “I understand you are having trouble, valued customer?”

Me: “I don’t understand what’s going on. Oh, it’s so scary!”

The “supervisor” begins repeating what his colleague said, but he accidentally cuts me off and I get a dial tone. Oh, well, I’ve been on the phone for twenty minutes and had some fun, and I stopped them from targeting someone else.

But seconds later, the phone rings, showing a completely different area code and number. Knowing this is the scammers, I ignore it. They ring again with a third number. And a fourth. This one has an area code that doesn’t exist!

I go to YouTube and load up a clip from the movie “Independence Day” of the cities exploding, turn the volume up really loud, and then I press “answer” on their fifth attempt and play the clip.

This doesn’t work and they try another three times before I answer again.

Me: “Hello, [Fictional Police Force from Popular TV Drama] Cyber Crime Division, [Fictional Detective] speaking. How may I help?”

They didn’t call back!

We stop in our favourite coffee place and sit down for a drink not far from the tills. 

We start to chat when we notice a guy come in on his phone, mask in hand. The staff tell him to put his mask on. He gestures dramatically and then leaves the shop to continue his call.

But it’s not long before he’s back again, off his phone. The staff again tell him to put his mask on. There are more gestures and dramatic huffing and puffing from the man, but he does comply.

He gets to the tills to place an order but pulls his mask down over his chin. The employee looks fed up by this point.

Employee: “Sir, you need to wear your mask for me to serve you.”

Customer: “I am wearing it.”

Employee: “Sir, you are fully aware of what I mean. Please wear your mask over your mouth and nose.”

He mutters and grumbles something but pulls his mask up partway.

Employee: “Over your mouth and nose, please.”

He huffs and puffs and makes a big show of putting his mask on ridiculously slowly.

Employee: “Yes, sir, how can I help you?”

The guy says something unintelligible.

Employee: “No, sir, our toilets are for customers only; you can use the supermarket next door.”

He swore loudly and left. Hats off to the employee for sticking to her guns and not reacting.

Related:
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 5
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 4
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 3
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 2
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked