My brother-in-law has no behavioural or other issues, apart from being deeply selfish and an idiot. This story is an example of his typical behaviour.

I have two children, ages five and seven. My brother-in-law has convinced himself that he is their favourite person, despite the fact that he never makes any effort with them and they never mention him or have any interest in seeing him.

We’re having a garden party, which my brother-in-law attends. He is sitting around our house, he’s ignoring everyone, watching football on his phone. The next thing I know, he has got an airhorn from somewhere and is dancing around, blasting it in blips.

Brother-In-Law: “Heyyy, champions!”

Me: “Pack it in, will you? We have neighbours.”

He keeps dancing around, ignoring me. 

Brother-In-Law: “Champions, champ-i-ons!”

Thankfully, someone grabs the airhorn off him, and he sits himself back on his phone sulking. I dish up the food and chat and eat. I try to involve him in conversation, but he only looks up from his phone to give a one-word answer.

I set some garden games up for the kids, and some of the adults join in, too. I see [Brother-In-Law] helping my youngest line up a shot with a toy mini golf game. I sit and enjoy watching them. Then, [Brother-In-Law] brings out the airhorn from earlier and puts it up to my youngest’s ears just as they are taking a shot.

Me: “If you even think of pressing that, you will be taking your teeth home in a bag.”

Brother-In-Law: “Yeah… like I was really going to do that.”

Thankfully, his wife dragged him home before long. But who brings an airhorn to a garden party? And who in their right mind aims it that close to a child?

I work in a coffee bar in a theme park that’s located in a bigger space which people have to pass through on the way out. We always stay open later than the rest of the park, but we’re allowed to close half an hour after the park closes as long as there’s no queue and it isn’t busy.

To show we’re closed, we pull a metal barrier down about halfway, but we have to leave it open a bit so we can get out and clear tables and a bin in the main space.

This happens pretty much every day. A customer ducks under a half-closed metal barrier.

Customer: “Oh, are you closed?”

Me: “Yes, sorry about that. The park closed half an hour ago.”

Customer: “Well, could you make me a coffee?”

Me: “Sorry, I’ve started cleaning the machine; I can’t make any more drinks.”

Customer: “It’s not hard to make one coffee.”

Me: “Sorry, the coffee machine is full of cleaning chemicals. I really can’t make you a drink.”

Customer: “You’re just being lazy. This is terrible customer service.”

I work on the customer service desk which offers exchanges and refunds. We don’t allow any exchanges or refunds without a receipt. This customer came waltzing in, whistling loudly, as if to seem unsuspicious? This immediately makes me suspicious, and I keep an eye on him as he goes up to my coworker’s till.

Customer: “I just want to refund this, please.”

Coworker: “Okay, do you have the receipt?”

The customer rifles through his bag dramatically. I know he won’t have it, and shocker, he doesn’t.

Customer: “Can I at least exchange it?”

Coworker: “Sorry, we can’t do anything without the receipt, I’m afraid.”

The customer starts getting angry and I chime in to help explain it to him, but he doesn’t care and asks for my supervisor. The supervisor asks him what’s wrong.

Customer: “I don’t have the receipt, but I can clearly show you the transaction on my phone that says I bought from your store.” 

Supervisor: “I’m afraid we can’t accept that because it doesn’t actually show us what you bought.”

Customer: *Very angry* “Well, I know for a fact that you can search up the transaction on your computer because all computers store the information and I would know that because I’m studying computer science.”

Supervisor: “These are tills. They cannot bring up a transaction without any information about the transaction.”

Customer: “You are rude and undermining my intelligence! Who do you think you are? You think you’re better than me? I’m studying computers. You don’t even know how these tills work. I’m the guy your company calls in to fix them. I know how they work better than you do, so give me my f****** refund!”

They continue to argue for the next ten minutes, with the customer constantly repeating his argument about being an IT guy and insulting my supervisor.

Supervisor: “I have no evidence that you didn’t just pick this up off the shop floor. You have no receipt, no idea how these tills work, and no reason to be here. There will be no refund. Please leave.”

The customer continued to shout at my supervisor, who walked away, looking drained and ready to quit his job. I don’t blame him!

Everyone is tired of the health crisis restrictions in the UK. We have just gone into a second lockdown, largely because idiots do not think the rules apply to them or don’t care that their actions have consequences.

We have lost family members directly due to the crisis and missed big family events, and our children have struggled, both through school and just quality of life.

All of this could have been prevented by just following some basic guidelines, so I don’t have much patience for these idiots.

I am in a popular clothing and home goods shop around mid-morning and am doing my best to keep well away from anyone. I see a guy down an aisle standing next to what I need. He is taking his sweet time, but I wait and wait. Clearly, he takes offence at this.

Man: “If you want to go past, just go!”

Me: “You’re not wearing a mask, so I’ll keep my distance, thanks.”

Man: “I’m exempt!”

Me: “Don’t care. If you’re not wearing a mask, I don’t want you anywhere near me.”

The man goes into a tirade of whiny BS about being persecuted and about how I should be banned from the store. As I wait for him to finish, he starts to walk up to me and I step back. He takes even more offence at this, getting louder and animated.

He has the store’s attention now. A few more customers are gathering around both ends of the aisle. I see a young staff member approach, looking tense.

An old guy sitting in his mobility scooter pipes up.

Old Man: “Young man, I am seventy-two and have a collapsed lung. I have to use an oxygen tank to breathe, and I can still wear a mask! What’s your excuse?”

The irate man looked around at the onlookers and there was a long silence before he stormed off.

I rarely swear, and when I was young and earnest I used to get uncomfortable around people who did. I got over myself in the end, but reputations can be long-lasting, so people sometimes comment on it. I’m talking to a friend about this. He has a darker sense of humour and gets a kick out of shocking me.

Friend: “Swearing is like sex; its impolite to do in public, doing it with someone shows how much you like them, and if you go to a party where everyone’s doing it and you just point out that you don’t like it, they begin to wonder why you came.”

I’m about to comment, and then…

Friend: “Also, doing it with someone who doesn’t like it is rude at best.”

Me: *Shocked* “F****** h***, dude!”

Friend: “Ah, you’re catching on.”