We Bet They Will Forget The Rules If Their Kids Fall

, , , , | Right | June 29, 2020

I volunteer at a popular zoo which has a number of walkthrough exhibits, including a lorikeet enclosure where visitors can buy little pots of nectar to feed the birds. I notice that a number of young children have climbed a display on the other end of the path and are holding up the pots of nectar to the birds in the trees. This is VERY dangerous!

Me: “Excuse me! Excuse me, could you please get off there? Don’t do that!”

Parent: “Oh, shut up!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Parent: “Don’t do this, don’t do that! Why can’t you let them have their fun?”

Me: “Because the rules exist for a reason.”

Parent: “Well, you can take your rules and go somewhere else!”

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Unfiltered Story #199799

, , | Unfiltered | June 29, 2020

(I used to work in a local supermarket and, for some reason, we had balloons everywhere. It was quiet and I was bored so I drew a name tag on one of the balloons saying, Hello, My name is Fred.)
Customer: Hi
Me: Hello, How’re you?
Customer: Tired, I’ve going all morning. You?
Me: Bored, it’s been dead here and I can’t go do anything more fun.
Customer: (Seeing Balloon) So, what’s the other ones name?
Me: Um…oh (catching up because I’d forgotten about Fred the balloon,) That’s just a balloon.
Customer: (Laughing) Way to drag me into your delusions!

Unfiltered Story #199791

, | Unfiltered | June 29, 2020

I used to work for a chain jewellery/accessories store that has permanent discounts in place on some of its products. One discount is “three for two” on all earrings. Quite often customers don’t notice the signs and come to the till with only two pairs of earrings. Once it’s pointed out to them that they can get another pair for free, they are more than happy to grab another pair. One day a lady came to the till with two pairs of earrings. I told her “It’s buy two get one free on all earrings, would you like to choose another pair for free?”. This customer was outraged “I’m sick of places like you trying to make me buy things that I don’t need. Stop trying to make me buy more stuff!” Me: “Ma’am I’m not trying to make you buy anything else, I’m telling you you can get another pair of earrings for free because you are already buying two pairs.” Customer: ” this is what I want to buy, stop trying to make me buy more things” me “but ma’am it’s free”. Customer: “I don’t want to buy anything else” Me: “okay ma’am, here’s your purchase and change, thanks for shopping with us today”

Dad Jokes On Tour

, , , | Related | June 28, 2020

My dad and mum are separated and live four or five hours from each other. When we were younger, my dad would come to pick us up and drive us to his to spend the weekend there. My stepmum would often call to find out where he was, which he’d put on speaker through the hands-free. The conversation often went like this.

Stepmum: “Where are you?”

Dad: “In the car.”

Stepmum: “Where in the car?”

Dad: “In the driver’s seat.”

Stepmum: “Yes. Very funny. Where’s the car?”

Dad: “On the road.”

Stepmum: “Where’s the road?”

Dad: “In England.”

Stepmum: “Where are you in England?!”

Dad: “In the car.”

Stepmum: “For God’s sake, [Dad]—”

Oldest Sister: “We’ve just passed the sign for [Place].”

Stepmum: “THANK YOU!”

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The Tracking Is Lacking

, , , | Right | June 27, 2020

I work in a call centre, taking calls to track parcels and log complaints when deliveries don’t run smoothly. Occasionally, we’ll take calls where the tracking states a parcel has been delivered when the recipient hasn’t received it yet.

Me: “Good morning, you’re through to [My Name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I need to track a parcel that I was meant to be receiving?”

Me: “Certainly. Can I take the tracking reference, please, sir?”

The customer reads out the reference.

Me: “Okay, according to our tracking, it actually says that your order was delivered a few days ago. I’m sorry about this. Have we left you any cards to say you have missed a delivery? Perhaps it was a mis-scan; it could be that the delivery person pressed ‘delivered’ instead of ‘no answer’ by mistake.”

Customer: “No, but I did get a delivery a few days ago, actually.”

Me: *Pause* “Right, well, this delivery would have been on Wednesday?”

Customer: “Yes! I did get a delivery on Wednesday!”

Me: “Okay… So, do you have another tracked parcel that you’re still waiting for?”

Customer: “Yes, I do, hang on… The reference is…”

The customer reads the same reference.

Me: “Sir, that appears to be the same parcel.”

Customer: “Oh! I’ll try that again.”

The customer reads the same reference again.

Me: “I’m sorry about this; that is the reference for the item that has been delivered. How many parcels are you waiting for, sir?”

Customer: “Oh, just the internet router from [Internet provider], but that is currently sat on the floor of my living room.”

Me: “So, you aren’t expecting any other parcels to be delivered?”

Customer: “No, I’ve got everything. I’m just waiting for [Internet provider] to come and install the router next week.”

Me: “Oh, okay… so… you aren’t waiting for any parcels to be delivered?”

Customer: “No, that’s everything. Thanks for your help!”

Me: “You’re welcome?”

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