That’s One Way To Maintain Social Distance!

, , , , , , , | Working | September 23, 2020

Due to the current health crisis, it is required that customers wear a face covering when entering any shop. I’ve just finished my shopping and am heading back to my car when I suddenly remember I need to buy a birthday card. I dash back to the local independent card shop, and seeing that there is only one other customer, I head straight inside, forgetting I have removed my mask.

Cashier: “Hey! You need to wear a mask!”

Me: “Oh! I’m so sorry!”

I go back outside, get my mask out, and pop it on, and I head back in.

Cashier: *Glaring at me* “You can’t just come in without a mask!”

Me: “I’m really sorry. I totally forgot. I was just—”

Cashier: “You have to wear one! It’s against the law if you don’t!”

Me: “I know. I’ve been wearing one all day. I’d just taken it off—”

Cashier: “We could call the police, you know! People think they’re above the law. You could infect people!”

Me: “Okay, look. I made a mistake and I apologised. I’m wearing a mask now. Can I shop here or not?”

Cashier: “Hmph. Made a mistake. Right. Are you one of those conspiracy theory people? I bet you’re against vaccines, too, aren’t you? You think the government’s lying and—”

I stare at her in complete disbelief as she starts to go on about anti-vaxxers and other weird conspiracies, and eventually, she realises that both I and the other customer are just standing there staring, and trails off.

Me: “Are you done?”

Cashier: “All I’m saying—”

Me: “No. I don’t care. I made a simple mistake, I’ve got my mask on now, you have stood there and spouted ridiculous accusations, and you’ve guaranteed I’ll never shop here again. Great customer service. Congratulations.”

The cashier stutters as I walk out.

Cashier: “But— Er— I didn’t— Um—”

The other customer dumps a handful of cards on the counter.

Customer: “You know what? I’d rather buy these somewhere else now.”

That customer walked out right behind me.

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Unfiltered Story #209638

, , , | Unfiltered | September 23, 2020

(I work at a themed attraction, selling photo products. They’re not cheap, but not overly expensive: especially if you buy one of the bundles. This conversation centres around one of our most popular bundles. Two big prints, a keyring, a magnet, two tiny (smaller than credit card sized) prints and digital copies. The customer is a tall man, with a much smaller wife and a child sat nearby. He is being served by a new girl, who hasn’t memorised all the variations of price, size and discount yet so occasionally will grab me for clarification. She grabs me, alarmed and I finish with my customer before moving onto hers.)
Customer- (shouting) no, you’ve got to give me six items, and I want a magnet with that!
(He’s kind of right, the package is ‘six items’ and you CAN swap certain ones for others of the same size and price, but I’m guessing he’s shouting for a reason).
Me- sir, in this package you get (I recite the items on the price board) or you can swap for (second combination). We can also offer you (third combination).
Colleague- (whispers) I said that…
Customer- no, you’re going to give me two keyrings (from combination two) AND a magnet.
Me- we can’t do that. You’re getting two big prints, two keyrings, two small prints and your digital downloads…
(I can see he’s not happy with that. Other customers are starting to get nervous and he’s scaring them off.)
Me- so we can offer you the extra item for (discounted price) instead of (origional price)…
Customer- no, i get six items, I want two big prints, two keyrings and a magnet. I don’t want the small prints.
Me- well, they’re in the package as a free extra. You’re paying for the big prints and the keyrings or magnets. If you don’t want them, maybe you have a relative who might like them?
Customer- but you’re already printing them, can’t you give me a magnet to put them in?
Me- yes. For (discounted price)
Customer- but you’re just going to throw them in the bin!
(By this point I have literally no idea what he thinks is going on. Even if customers leave photographs, we make every attempt to keep and return them. If HE wants to throw the unwanted small prints in the bin, that’s his business).
Me- There’s no need to shout at us, sir. Here is the price board. If you don’t want that package, you can buy the items at separate prices for (bigger price). So you see, you might as well get the package even if you don’t use the small prints.
Customer- but you should give me a magnet for inconveniencing me!
(My colleague is virtually silent. I’m half hoping she goes for the manager who is on a break because, although he can’t authorise any ridiculous discounts or free items, he is at least as tall as the big guy yelling and making angry gestures)
Me- these are our prices. This is what we can offer you. Like I said, we can give you the extra magnet for (discounted price) and you could maybe give the other small print to your son’s grandparents…
Customer- I am not paying these prices! I want six items! I should get six items.
Me- the extra magnet would be seven and you’re not paying for it in the package.
(At this point he storms off, his wife appologising to us and other customers in his wake. I congratulate my newbie colleague for dealing with it so well and we go on serving other customers who are starting to come back to our desk. Maybe ten minutes later, his wife creeps back in with the money in hand.)
Customer’s wife- we’ll take the package as advertised for that price. I’ll give the spare photos to our mothers.
(She spends the entire transaction appologising and saying lovely things about how well we dealt with the situation.She then scurries off again.)
Me- You know, she was so nice I nearly wanted to give her a free magnet for dealing with him?

I Have To Follow All The Rules, Including The Scientific Ones

, , , , | Right | September 23, 2020

On a warm summer’s day:

Customer: “Hey! Why aren’t these drinks colder?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m afraid this store is subject to the laws of thermodynamics.”

Customer: “Well, there’s no need to be a jobsworth!”

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She Came In To Get A Different Kind Of Water

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2020

A lady approaches my checkout. She seems a little upset, so when I serve her, I ask how she is.

Me: “Is everything all right?”

Lady: “I… I don’t know.”

Me: “Is there anything I can do for you? Would you like me to call anyone down to help you?”

The lady is quiet so I don’t push it for a few minutes, but there is seriously something wrong, so as she hands me the money…

Me: “Are you completely sure everything is okay?”

Lady: “I think my water just broke.”

Everything turned out fine; the lady’s husband was called and she was eventually taken to hospital. She had a boy!

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Their Vegan Knowledge Is A Bit Sloppy, Part 2

, , , , | Working | September 22, 2020

Me: “Excuse me, do you sell any vegan cosmetics or toiletries?”

Employee #1: “Any what?”

Me: “Vegan products?”

Employee #1: “Um… I’ll go and ask.”

She approaches [Employee #2] and [Employee #3], unaware that I’ve followed her.

Employee #1: “This lady wants to know if we sell vee-gen stuff?”

Employee #2: “What’s vegan?”

Employee #3: “Isn’t it where you don’t eat animals and fish and stuff?”

Employee #1: “I have no idea. I didn’t know what she was talking about.”

Me: “I was talking about vegan-approved toiletries and cosmetics. I’ve been given a voucher for Christmas and I don’t buy anything animal-tested.”

Employee #1: “Well, you could have said you just wanted non-animal-tested products; we have No7 products right here and they’ve not tested for twenty years now.”

Me: “And none of their ingredients are tested, either?”

Employee #3: *Raises eyebrows* “I’m sorry, but do you even know what veganism is?”

Me: “Yes. Do you?”

Employee #3: *Complacently* “It’s when you don’t consume animals, fish, or dairy. This isn’t a grocery store, so I don’t know where cosmetics and toiletries even come into this.”

Me: “Actually, veganism is a lifestyle choice that involves not exploiting animals in any way. This means you don’t eat them, eat anything derived from them, use them for entertainment, wear them, or use anything that’s been tested on them.”

Employee #2: *Nervously* “Oh… okay.”

Employee #3: “Okay, then. Tell me, where does one buy these ‘vegan’ products? What brands can you name that are ‘vegan’?”

Employee #2: *Genuinely* “Yes, what brands are vegan?”

Me: “Have you ever heard of the leaping bunny?”

The employees stay silent.

Me: “What about PETA?”

The employees stay silent again.

Me: *Sigh* “Well, anything with a picture of a little white bunny leaping in the air means it’s vegan, but in terms of actual brands: Lush, Beauty Without Cruelty, JĀSÖN Natural, etc.”

Employee #2: “I’m so sorry, but I don’t think we do any of that here.”

Employee #3: “I’ll give you Lush, but I’ve never even heard of the other two!”

Me: “Well, it’s what I normally buy, so…”

Employee #3: “Look, we do cosmetics that haven’t been tested on animals, but they still contain… like… animal fat or whatever it is.” *Laughs*

Me: “Forget it. I’ll spend my voucher on nuts and fruit.”

Their Vegan Knowledge Is A Bit Sloppy

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