Years ago, when I was still in college, the guys and I would occasionally sneak off-site to go to the pub at lunchtime — drink a few beers, play a game of pool, etc. It was normally empty at lunch as the regulars went to another less youth-orientated pub.

We arrived one day and found the place full; some sporting event was on. We weren’t that interested, so we found a corner and had something to eat and drink.

It was stupid noisy in there. One of my friends ran to his car and grabbed a remote. Being immature teens as we were, it was funny when he secretly turned down the volume, still funny when changed the channel, and a little funny when he turned it off altogether.

The problem was that our friend didn’t know when to stop, and no-one could tell him what to do.

I finished my drink and left with most of the other guys; the prospect of thirty pissed-off blokes angry at us was enough, especially now that he wasn’t even hiding the remote anymore.

We got back to college on time, but our friend was nearly an hour late.

He luckily didn’t come to any harm, but after the pub called the college, every student was banned for the rest of the year. Our friend couldn’t understand why everyone was fed up with him, or what he did wrong. Safe to say, he wasn’t invited along with us next year on lunch.

I am setting up tables and chairs outside the restaurant before opening time and before breakfast service. We have a large blackboard outside that reads, “Breakfast served 10:00 am to 12:30 pm on Sundays.”

At 9:50 on the dot:

Customer: “Is it all right if I sit on this table?”

Me: “Yes, of course. Just to let you know, we don’t actually start service until 10:00 am, but you’re more than welcome to sit there while I set up for the day.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous; you should already be serving breakfast! It doesn’t say your opening times anywhere on the menu!”

Me: “Sir, if you see the blackboard in front of you, it does actually say that we don’t start service until 10:00 am on Sundays.”

Customer: “Well, nobody reads those things!”

Me: “…”

Related:
Reading Badly Into This Situation

I have a leak, so I call my water board and someone takes my details.

Customer Service: “And can I take your name, please?”

I got married a few months ago, and I can’t remember if I have changed my surname on the account. Something that I can only attribute to lack of sleep makes me come up with this gem:

Me: “I don’t know my name.”

Eventually, I was able to communicate why I had said this. Whoops!

My boss asks me to help review suggestions for improvements from the team. I have a lot of experience and he values my professional input.

Very quickly, the team cottons on and asks me to check their ideas before they send them. I happily do so. I help them if they get stuck and weed out any ideas that really won’t work. A new member of the team seems to think he knows better and doesn’t need my help, despite the many offers.

I sit down with my boss to look at the suggestions.

Boss: “What about this one?

Me: “I don’t know about this. What is it?”

Boss: “It’s from [New Team Member]; have you not discussed it?”

Me: “No. I mean, I’ve offered to, but he hasn’t approached me with this.”

Boss: “Okay, it’s for a new measurement machine. He reckons that it will be much faster and more accurate.”

Me: *Pause* “Okay, yeah. I wondered why I hadn’t considered it myself. Look, the accuracy is terrible; we need it to be ten or twenty times what it is.”

Boss: “Really? [New Team Member] was so sure it would work. He has already arranged the demonstration for tomorrow. Can you join us?”

Me: “Sure, I will bring a part and they can prove if it works or not.”

The day comes and the salesman gives an excellent demonstration. I can see everyone around the room nodding enthusiastically. My teammate is looking very smug. I reluctantly give the salesman our sample.

Me: “This is a typical part with a typical feature. Can your equipment measure it?”

Salesman: “No, I don’t think so, but we can try.”

He tries and fails, and the mood in the room changes. A number of senior staff look disappointed. We wrap up the demo quickly, as many senior staff members have left abruptly. I wait around to get our part back.

New Team Member: “How could you do that to me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the equipment isn’t suitable. I did tell you this is what I was going to do.”

New Team Member: “But why did you have to show me up?”

Me: “You were sure it was going to work. This is a demonstration; they needed to demonstrate it actually working.”

New Team Member: “I won’t forget this!”

I felt bad the rest of the week, but I genuinely didn’t know what he expected me to do — have the company spend hundreds of thousands of pounds on something that would never work just to protect his pride?

I just started a new job in an office. I have done several similar roles for many years so I feel pretty confident. I hit the ground running. My boss, coworkers, and other departments give me glowing reviews and I quickly make friends and put in place some real improvements. It is a pretty good place to work.

However, I’ve found one person who is my constant critic. Whatever I do, she has a comment. If I make a suggestion, she is the one to criticise it. She fruitlessly tries to bad mouth me at every turn.

At first, I try to work with her and make extra effort. After a while, I put it down to her being a miserable old woman and decide that I am wasting my efforts and just avoid her where I can.

One day, I am pulled into my boss’s office; a complaint has been made.

Boss: “Someone has reported to me that you have been taking extra breaks, going outside and smoking.”

Me: “I don’t take my provided coffee breaks and grab a break when I can. Is that an issue?”

Boss: “You should probably just take your breaks on time, just to stop any complaints.”

Me: *Sighing* “Look. I know it’s [Coworker] complaining. She has an issue with me. I don’t know why and I’ve given up trying to make friends with her. If you want me to play ball, I will. But I only miss my breaks to get work done when equipment is available.”

Boss: “Thanks, [My Name]. I appreciate you not rocking the boat. On another note, are you ready for the meeting this afternoon?”

Me: “You mean the one that takes place during my break? Yeah, I’m prepared.”

He thought on my last comment for a while, but I ended up going to the meeting anyway. A few days later, he told me that he had had a word with [Coworker] and told her to stop interfering. She was fuming; apparently, she has been complaining about me almost daily and this was the turning point. He refused to hear any complaining unless she took it up with Human Resources, which she never did.