You’ve Broken Your Career Ceiling

, , , , | Working | September 2, 2017

(Our store warehouse has two floors. However, due to the size of the first floor, only people of a certain height are permitted to go up. All of this occurs on the radios we use talk to each other.)

Coworker: “Boss?”

Boss: “Yes?”

Coworker: “Umm, [Coworker] is stuck.”

Boss: “Stuck? How is he stuck?”

Coworker: “His head is in the ceiling.”

Boss: “WHAT?!”

Coworker: “[Supervisor] bet him that he couldn’t walk upstairs in the warehouse.”

Boss: “Of course he did… is he hurt?”

Coworker: “He’s laughing…”

Boss: “[My Name] and I will be right over.”

(Both [Coworker] and [Supervisor] were suspended without pay, and the entire first floor was stripped and moved to the ground floor. The first floor is now closed off, but people sneak in to take secret naps. Apparently, [Coworker] did get his money for winning the bet.)

Only A Token Kindness

, , , , , | Right | September 2, 2017

(Our supermarket gives a blue token to all customers, so they can choose a local charity to benefit from the bag charges. On this day, a woman has just spent £250 when the following takes place.)

Me: “Thank you for shopping with us today. Here is your receipt, and a token to put in on your way out.”

Customer: “I only get one?!”

Me: “I’m sorry; what do you mean?”

Customer: “I have spent £250 today at this shop, and I only get one token! This is appalling. I deserve more!”

Me: “Well, the token policy is one per customer, per transaction, so you can’t have more than one, despite spending a large amount here.”

Customer: *sighs loudly, leans over the checkout, and grabs a handful of tokens from my tub and marches off*

Me: “Did that just happen?”

What A Hot-Head

, , | Right | September 1, 2017

(A customer has ordered an Americano with hot milk, which we serve in small jugs on the side. It’s quiet, so it doesn’t take me long to make the coffee, and take it over. It’s also a warm summer’s day.)

Customer: “This milk isn’t hot enough.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll make you another now.”

(I make a new lot of milk, heat it up past boiling point with the steamer, pour immediately, and take it over.)

Customer: “My coffee’s cold now.”

Me: “I can make you another of those, too, quickly. Sorry!”

(I make another coffee, and immediately take it over.)

Customer: “Neither of these are hot enough! What is wrong with your machine? I want it VERY HOT!”

Me: *a bit irritated now* “I’m sorry, but that’s literally the hottest I can make it. The coffee machine makes the espresso with hot water to around 95 degrees Celsius, because otherwise the coffee burns, and that milk was actually boiled, which I’m not really supposed to do… I’m sorry, but I can’t make it any hotter.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I want to see your supervisor.”

Me: “I am the supervisor on this shift. And I’m sorry, but 95 degrees is considered optimal for coffee, and with boiling point milk, I really can’t do much more.”

Customer: “Urgh, forget it. I suppose I’ll just have to drink it. But you really should consider PEOPLE, not just the MACHINE.”

(She then continued reading her paper in a very huffy way, while her way-too-hot-to-drink coffee sat there for a good five minutes more, cooling.)

Not Quite The Sun-Cream Of The Crop

, , , | Working | September 1, 2017

(My store is a parcel collection point, so customers can have their parcels sent to the store to pick up. A customer comes up to the customer service desk and asks to pick up his parcel and gives his name, so I go in the back to find it. After searching for a few minutes, the assistant manager comes to help. He tells me to ask the customer if it’s big or small, and the customer informs me it’s a small box containing a few bottles of sun cream and lip balm. I tell the assistant manager exactly that.)

Assistant Manager: “Wait… Sun cream?”

Me: “Yeah, and lip balm, so it’s a small box.”

Assistant Manager: “Oh no… Oh God no… I opened it…”

Me: “Wait, what? Why did you open it?”

Assistant Manager: “I didn’t see a customer name on it, it just said the company name, so I thought it was for us! I shared the sun cream with everyone and used the lip balm! The bottles are still in the office, I can make this work…”

Me: “WHAT? You used it?! Why would head office send us that stuff? What are we going to do?”

Assistant Manager: *starts digging through the bins outside* “I’ll find the box and you can scan it through, we can still give it to him… I can’t find the box, so this paper will do.” *starts wrapping the half-empty sun cream bottles and used lip balm in brown paper and coating it in tape*

Me: “You can’t give it to him! He’s going to notice and complain! The seal is broken and everything!”

Assistant Manager: “It’s fine, just give him this, tell him to check it’s all there without actually giving it to him until he’s signed for it, it’ll be completely fine.”

Me: “No, no, no. You opened it, you’re telling the customer what happened. I’m not getting involved any more.”

Assistant Manager: “All right, I’ll do it.”

(I stayed within earshot of the transaction with the customer, and lo and behold, he didn’t tell him it was used! He told the customer the box was damaged in transit and repackaged it. The customer checked there were three bottles and the lip balm and took it! I hope he comes back to complain!)

Me No Speak Americano, Part 4

, | Right | September 1, 2017

(We have a drink menu with an extensive choice of coffees. A couple comes in, they browse the menu, and then come up to the bar.)

Male Customer: “A latte, please.”

Female Customer: “Okay, well, I guess, could I have… what size cups do you have?”

Me: “Well, our coffees are all standard sizing on the menu, but we can also offer a smaller or larger.” *I’m indicating the various stacked cups behind me as I speak, from huge, to standard, to small, to espresso*

Female Customer: “Oh. Okay. Well, can I have like, a small strong black coffee, in a large cup?”

Me: “So, an espresso, in a normal cup? Or black coffee with less water than usual?”

Female Customer: “Well, like, a strong coffee, in a small cup. But not much water. But not one of those really little cups.”

Me: *not really understanding, but it’s quiet, so I figure I can work it out* “…Okay. Take a seat and I’ll bring it over. Thanks!”

(I make a latte in a standard sized cup for the male customer and a strong black coffee, up to about 3/4 of a smaller cup for her. I take these over along with an extra jug of hot water in case she wants to top up. Because I was confused, I ask her if it looks okay when I take it over. She looks a bit confused, too, but says yes. Two minutes later:)

Female Customer: *approaches bar* “Hi, um, what size coffee did you make him?” *gestures at husband*

Me: “Just a standard latte?”

Female Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s the cup size I wanted.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Shall I make you another?”

Female Customer: *getting annoyed at me* “Urgh, no. Don’t bother. Don’t you do normal coffees, like Americanos?”

Me: “Yes! It’s on the menu…”

Female Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s what I wanted all along!”

Me No Speak Americano, Part 3
Me No Speak Americano, Part 2
Me No Speak Americano

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