In England, many areas allow you to park on the pavement, but wheelchairs and pushchairs need about a meter to get past, so not being a selfish jerk helps everyone. Unfortunately, there are many people in life who think their minor inconvenience is more far more important than a major inconvenience on anyone else.

I’m walking back from the shops. Irritatingly, there are cars parked everywhere — on paths, blocking crossings, in junctions making it hard to see, etc. — all despite there being a half-full car park literally a few feet away.

I make my way carefully past the cars with my shopping bags until I reach a car parked diagonally. I squeeze through, having to hug the wall as I do.

Apparently, this upsets the owner of the car

Owner: “What are you doing?”

Me: “What does it look like?”

Owner: “You hit my car!”

Even if I did, I was holding a sharing pack of crisps, so it’s not like it was possible to damage the car with it.

Me: “You know what? Tough. You park like an idiot, this is on you. Don’t like it, don’t park like an a**hole.”

This riles him up and he jumps out the car, slams the door, and rushes up to me. He only seems to realise that he is built like a bean pole when he is stood next to me.

Me: “Get back in your car, idiot.”

He thought for a moment, but he then slunk back to his car. I notice he still parks there but at least not like a complete fool now.

We take turns being on call. I live the furthest away — twice what anyone else does — so I try to do only my fair share. I will cover holidays only when I really have to.

I get a call one weekend.

Coworker: “Is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, who is this?”

Coworker: “It’s [Coworker] from work. Can you pop in? We’re having issues with [machine].”

Me: *Sighing* “It’s not my turn on call this week. You can find the rota with the phone number in the break room.”

Coworker: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

A little annoyed, as this isn’t the first time they’ve just called me before checking the rota, I go back to my weekend. Unfortunately, it’s not long before I get another call.

Coworker: “It’s [Coworker] again. I can’t reach [Coworker #2]. Can you come in?”

Me: “Did you try [Coworker #3]? It states on the sheet who to call next.”

Coworker: “Can’t you just come in?”

Me: “No, we have a rota for a reason. Please call [Coworker #3].”

I message [Coworker #3] to let him know to expect a call. He messages back letting me know that it’s not a problem and he is nearby. Then, I get another phone call.

Coworker: “Yeah, [Coworker] again. [Coworker #3] isn’t answering. I’ve talked to my boss and he says you need to come in.”

Me: “You know what? I will sort this out.”

I called [Coworker #3] who had not received any other calls but said he would head to work now. I called [Coworker]’s boss and explained what was happening. I said that he doesn’t tell me what to do on my weekend and that he needed to tell his team to follow process.

On Monday, my boss pulled me aside as there had been a complaint, but when I explained, it was dismissed. My coworker kept ignoring the on-call list and eventually got removed from the plan and lost a bit of cash out of it, too.

I stop at a motorway service station and find the coffee shop. It’s early and I’m the only customer. I order and sit down to wait… and wait. It’s been a really long time, so I go back to the counter.

Me: “Sorry, but is my coffee ready yet?”

Cashier: “Oh, sorry. What did you order?”

Me: “It was [order].”

Cashier: “Oh, yes. Err… it should have been made. Did you not collect it already?”

Me: “Pretty sure I would remember if I did.”

Cashier: “Oh, yes, of course. Let me check.”

She disappears into the back and she seems to be gone for a long time.

Cashier: “Your drink was made, but no one collected it, so I’m afraid it was thrown away.”

Me: “No one called me, and I was sat just there. I’m literally the only person here.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but you do need to collect your orders.”

Me: “How am I supposed to, I mean, if I don’t know it’s ready? Just get your boss or someone, please.”

Cashier: “He won’t be here for another fifteen minutes.”

Me: “You know what? I’ll wait.”

I waited twenty minutes and the manager turned up. He was initially sceptical until he checked the rubbish. No cups were binned matching my order. Then, he was very apologetic and paid for my drink and a snack for me. He promised me that he would sort out whoever lied about the drink, and he said to mention his name the next time I was there to get another free coffee!

A friend of mine came up with this really cool business idea which he wants to share with me, so he comes over to tell me about it. I must confess, I am a bit reserved as I recently had an acquaintance pitch a pyramid scheme to me. 

Friend: “I have invented this game. It is really fun and everyone I’ve played it with has loved it, so I thought we could make it into an app! You’re a programmer, so you could program it, and I’ll take care of the marketing.”

He describes the game. It is something I’ve seen a lot of before, just with a few tweaks.

Me: “Well, I have a job, so it would take quite some time to design an app from scratch.”

Friend: “Well, I have the whole idea, so I’ve done most of the work already. You’d only need to program it.”

I realised he does not know anything about the time it can take to program something in order to make it user-friendly and efficient. But I want to try and not just shoot him down immediately as he’s a friend of mine.

Me: “What about graphics? Are you going to make it?”

Friend: “We’ll hire someone to make the pictures, and then you put them into the program.”

Me: “And you know about marketing?”

Friend: “Yeah, I know this guy who told me about it. He made his own company. Basically, you work extra for a year and then you start making money.”

Me: “And what do you expect we would earn from it?”

Friend: “Well, at first we wouldn’t earn much, but then we’d take some percentage each. I’ll take most, of course, since it is my idea. You could get like fifteen percent.”

Me: “So, you’ll pay the expenses, then? Do I get a salary?”

Friend: “We shouldn’t expect to get any income for a while, and I think it is fair to share the expenses since I don’t have any money.”

Me: “So I won’t get paid, I’ll do most of the work, and then get a lot less of the earnings?”

Friend: “No, I’ve already done most of the work; I have the idea.”

Me: “All right, do you want food? I was thinking of spaghetti bolognese with some basil on top.”

Friend: “Yeah, that’d be nice!”

Me: “Good, can you make it? I need a few extra portions for lunch boxes.”

Friend: “Really? We’re in your house. Shouldn’t you be making the food?”

Me: “You could help out; I already did most of the work, coming up with the idea! I’ll let you have a portion.”

Unfortunately, my friend did not take it very well. We’re fine now, though.

We have been fundraising for charity. Many students take on a sponsored activity and get people to pay them. Some run and get paid per mile; others bake and sell cakes. [Student], the class voice box, decides to do a sponsored silence.

Everyone is surprised; [Student] cannot keep quiet even when saying nothing at all. But all day, she says nothing at all, not even on break.

The next day, everyone is talking about donations and collections. [Student] pipes up.

Student: “I raised £53!”

Me: “That’s really good.”

Student: “Yeah, I got my whole family to sponsor me, as well as people from school.”

Friend: “Well done.”

Student: “Yeah, I don’t know what I will spend the money on.”

Me: “You don’t get to keep the money. You realise that? It’s for charity.”

Student: “No! I did the sponsored silence; I raised the money.”

Friend: “Yeah, I don’t think you know what you’re talking about, [My Name].”

Me: “You guys know this is for charity, right? The whole day is for charity.”

Student: *Sarcastically* “Yeah, sure. Don’t forget you both owe me money for yesterday.”

I blew her off. I’m not paying when she was supposed to be donating it. Apparently, many others didn’t, either. [Student]’s mum ended up coming to the school to complain only to be told that she needed to give the money to the school. I don’t think that money ever made it to the charity.