Not An Enjoyable Diversion

, , , | Working | September 8, 2017

(One of our field workers is on holiday for a week, and he’s diverted his calls to the office – something I discover at 8:02 on Monday morning when I receive three consecutive calls for him within five minutes about the same matter. It gets worse as the week progresses, but this little kicker occurs that made my head bang against the desk…)

Me: “Good morning, [Company]”

Caller: “Oh, I was trying to get a hold of [Field Worker]. I must have dialed the office by mistake.”

Me: “[Field Worker] is actually on leave this week. Can I—”

Caller: *click*

(The phone rings two seconds later, and it’s the same number.)

Me: “Good morning, [Company]”

Caller: “It’s doing it again!”

Me: *speaking quickly* “[Field Worker] is on leave this week and has diverted his phone to the office.” *pauses to take a breath*

Caller: *click*

(The phone rings two seconds later… He calls back another three times before giving up. I was never able to make him understand, or give him someone else’s number who was actually working that week.)

The (Pizza) Pie Is A Lie

, , , | Working | September 8, 2017

(I have been working long days, as it’s the busiest time at work. I get home 14 hours after I left that morning, and decide to treat myself to an internationally known pizza chain that lets you track the order. I order online and watch the tracker tell me that the order is on its way. Then it says delivered, but I have no pizza. I ring the branch.)

Me: “Hi, I ordered online about an hour ago, and the order tracker says it’s been delivered, but it hasn’t arrived. “

Employee: “What’s the order number?”

Me: *gives order number*

Employee: “Okay, hold on.”

(I wait. And wait. And wait some more. When I’m about to hang up and retry he comes back on the phone.)

Employee: “Okay, so it looks like we haven’t even made it yet.”

Me: “What?!”

Employee: “Yeah, sorry, I looked everywhere for your order, and it was on the floor among the old receipts.”

Me: “…right, it’s been over an hour now, I’ve already paid for this online. I just want what I ordered.”

Employee: “Well, I’ll put the order in now, but we’re really busy, so you’ll be looking at an hour, hour and a half wait, okay? We have orders to make before this one.”

Me: “No, that is not okay. I just paid nearly £22 for a pizza that you’re saying will now be another hour and a half wait? Even though I ordered this an HOUR before the ones you’re cooking now? You won’t prioritise this since you admit it’s your fault?”

Employee: “Nope, you’ll have to wait.”

Me: “You think waiting two and a half hours for a pizza is acceptable?”

Employee: “Well, what do you wanna do? Come pick it up if you’re that bothered!”

Me: “I don’t have a car, and you’re on the other side of town, plus I have ALREADY PAID a delivery fee over an hour ago when I ordered this pizza!”

(I demanded a refund and made myself a sandwich. I have never ordered anything from there since, and never will again.)

This Sale Kicked The Bucket

, , , , | Right | September 8, 2017

(I am taking a customer’s order.)

Me: “That will be [amount], please.”

(She suddenly kicks the front of the counter.)

Me: “Madam?”

(She kicks again more violently, then moves to a spiral collection box we have for children, then on to a condiment table. My manager comes out, and collectively the staff and customers watch as she tries to damage something. After a few tries she gives up.)

Customer: “So, how much do I get off for that?”

Me: “Get off?”

Customer: “My sister said if I kicked up a fuss, I would get money off my order.”

Manager: “Yes… that usually doesn’t involve literally kicking the furniture. You’ve got ten seconds to disappear, or I call the police.”

(She ran, and we gave the police our camera footage of the incident. After my manager’s monthly meeting, he told us she had tried the same thing at another two restaurants in our region. To our knowledge, she hasn’t been arrested yet.)

The Daddy Of All Phrasing

, , , , | Learning | September 8, 2017

(In year-seven Spanish, our teacher is going through the translations of family members.)

Teacher:Padre means father, dad, or daddy.”

Student: *out loud* “The Internet has ruined the word ‘daddy’.”

Unfiltered Story #93134

, , , | Unfiltered | September 8, 2017

My friend shares his name with a well known celebrity. He is a volunteer at Canterbury Cathedral and his ID badge clearly states his full name. A tourist is chatting to him and notices his name.

Tourist: Wow, how many people ask you questions about your name? [realises, then smiles] Ooops, I guess I’ve just added one to that number! Sorry!

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