Unfiltered Story #87849

, , | Unfiltered | June 2, 2017

While a student I spent two weeks one summer teaching English to rich European teenagers in Southampton, UK. During the week I spent my time in classes, while one weekend day would be spent accompanying the students on an excursion somewhere. Most of the time the teenagers were fine but every now and then you’d find one spoiled rich kid who was clealy angry at being ‘dumped in Britain’ by his or her ridiculously rich Belgian/Swedish/Russian parents. To make sure the students could easily identify staff, we all had to wear blue polo-neck shirts with the language school logo on both the front and the back.

One of those excursions on a really grey rainy day was to a theme park about an hour or two away from where we were based. Coincidentally, staff uniform at this particular theme park was almost the exact same shade of blue polo-neck shirt as teachers did.

This wasn’t much of a problem most of the day; coralling my assigned group of pupils, making sure they weren’t getting up to mischief and generally keeping tabs on everything while every now and then having to explain to a confused park visitor how I wasn’t actually working at the park was all I had to deal with.

Then some of my group wanted to go on some ‘thrilling’ new rollercoaster. It went backwards. In the dark. Woo. So, waiting in line with a group of the teenagers, a couple of whom were particularly belligerent, we notice we’ve been standing still for a bit of a while without moving. It turns out ‘something’ had happened with the rollercoaster – rumors were going around someone had vomited on the ride, but there was no official word on it.

Being the only person in the queue with a blue polo-neck on I suddenly get inundated with my own European teenagers asking me questions. Which prompted the rest of the crowd around me, and people deciding to back through the line because they couldn’t be bothered to wait, to also ask me questions with a couple (no joke) actually asking ‘what are we standing in line for?

Surrounded by non-English speaking students and British families on a rainy cold day out in a theme park I’d never been to in my life, all of whom saw me as a beacon of knowledge, ‘I don’t even work here’ really just didn’t seem to cut it.

Unfiltered Story #87846

, , | Unfiltered | June 2, 2017

(I was in a large stationary/news store some years back, wearing a shirt which happened to be in their corporate color, and I was approached by a random, very well spoken customer, who asked…)

Cust: “Excuse me, could you help me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t actually work h….”

Cust: (interrupting abruptly) “What do you mean?”

Me: “I don’t work here, I’m not a member of sta……”

Cust: (interrupting even more abruptly) “Well why not?”

Me: “…..!!?!….Errrm….??!!!?…….”

Whereupon the customer stomped off complaining about my disgraceful attitude.

With umpteen years hindsight I would have liked to give the answer “Unfortunately they have a stringently enforced ‘No Tosspots’ policy, but the moment may have gone

It’s Not Always Nice To See More Of Your Mother

, , , | Related Romantic | June 1, 2017

(My mum has gotten a new phone.)

Mum: *sends picture of her cleavage*

Me: “What are you doing!”

Mum: “You like that big boy? You want more?”

Me: “No!”

Mum: *sends more*

(As she is only downstairs, I decide to just talk to her.)

Me: “Mum, STOP! You’re sending those to me.”

Mum: *going pale and checking her phone* “[Last three digits]?”

(I nod.)

Mum: “Oh, my god, I’m so sorry. I’ve got you saved as your father!”

(I’m traumatised.)

And I’ll Get To Scotland Before You

, , , , , | Right | June 1, 2017

(I work at an office that offers tours of Scotland and the highlands, although sometimes we can take on private groups. I’m on a late shift by myself and the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, [Tour Company].”

American-Sounding Girl: “Hi, I wondered if I could get a quote on a private tour?”

Me: “Okay, how many are we talking?”

American-Sounding Girl: “190.”

Me: *thinking “wow!”* “Okay, and were you looking for one of our set itineraries or a custom itinerary?”

American-Sounding Girl: “Well, shall I just tell you the situation and we can take it from there?”

Me: “Sounds good.”

American-Sounding Girl: “Okay, so we’re all college students and we’re looking to organise a large trip to the Superbowl—”

Me: “I’ll just stop you right there. Where are you calling from?”

American-Sounding Girl: “Nova Scotia.”

Me: “Okay, I think you may have the wrong number. This is [Tour Company] in Scotland.”

American-Sounding Girl: “…”

Me: “…so you are just over 2,000 miles closer to the Superbowl than we are…”

American-Sounding Girl: “…”

Me: “…so, you know… it’s only fair to advise you that this would impractically expensive for you.”

(There was a long pause then she burst out laughing, followed by me. We had a good laugh!)

Diabathetic

, , , , | Right | June 1, 2017

Me: “You meal should be ready in about fifteen minutes.”

Patron: “Thank you. Also, just as a warning: I’m diabetic, and my blood sugar is quite low.”

Me: “Oh, my. I could have something brought out of you’re feeling unwell?”

Patron: “Oh, no. It’s fine. Also my family can sue you if you don’t save me!”

Me: “…”

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