One of the managers walks into the middle of the office and announces:

Manager: “Whoever put that sticker on the hand drier in the men’s loo, very funny. You’re a comedian. Now peel it off. We have important visitors coming, and we need to make a better impression.”

Intrigued, a few of us gents wander over to the loo to see this sticker on the hand drier.

Sticker: “This hand drier is now voice activated. Say loudly ‘hand drier on!’ to activate.”

There was evidence of an attempt to peel the sticker off, but it was one of those annoying ones that leaves a lot of the sticky layer behind, and it looks like it will take a while to remove. 

No one admitted to being the one to apply the sticker, but several colleagues did admit to falling for it and shouting at the standard hand drier for way too long before realising it was a prank.

The manager claimed not to have fallen for it, but that’s not what another colleague claimed as he’d walked in on him bellowing at the hand drier to “f****** just turn on!”

It’s a couple of minutes before close at a bakery that I supervised. All the tables were cleaned, chairs put on top to make it obvious that we’re closing. A customer comes in with her daughter.

Me: “Just to let you know, it’s takeaway only.”

Customer: “I want to sit down.”

Me: “We’re closing in a minute, so no can do. But to take away it’s cheaper, as a sit-in price has twenty percent VAT on top.”

She pays the takeaway price but goes to a table to take chairs off and sit down anyway. She’s a mere five metres away from the counter. At this point I get the shutters down the windows and tell her again:

Me: “It’s takeaway only. I’m closing the shop right now.”

Customer: “How can you be so inconsiderate?! What a rubbish shop you are.”

Me: “When we close, we cease to be a shop!”

Customer: “But you should really understand that I’ve had a long day and just want to sit down for a meal. You would understand if you had children!”

Me: “I do have children, and I would like to go home to them to make them dinner, which you’re delaying me from doing. Leave now, or I start using language you’d rather your daughter didn’t hear.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

She grabs her daughter and storms out, making sure to pick out some sausage meat from her sausage roll and smear it all over the window shutter. Great parenting, that…

I work at a petrol station. A woman walks into the shop (she didn’t drive) and holds out a little canister.

Customer: “Can you tell me what the oil-to-petrol ratio is in my lawnmower petrol?”

Me: “Not here. I’m behind the register, and I’m working alone.”

She holds the can forward and shakes it a little.

Customer: “Yes, but you can tell by smelling it, right?”

I work in a takeaway (takeout). A family (mum and dad, two kids) is looking at the menu and discussing among themselves what to order in an Eastern European language.

Another customer is looking at them with anger.

Customer: “F****** immigrants! Go back to your own country if you can’t speak the f****** language!”

Eastern European Dad: “We can speak whatever language we like! And don’t swear in front of my children!”

Customer: “You lot should have been left to drown instead of being allowed to come over here on the boats!”

I’ve had enough.

Me: “Oi! Mate! You’re complaining about immigrants talking in their native language, while ordering Chinese food, from me, a child of Chinese immigrants, at a Chinese takeaway.”

Customer: “Yeah, well… it’s alright if I need my sweet and sour chicken and egg fried rice.”

Me: “Yeah, well, sorry, we’re not selling to you. We don’t sell immigrant food to racists.”

Customer: “I’m not racist!”

Me: “Go get some fish and chips and f*** off!”

Customer: “F*** you! You’re all gonna get f****** deported one day!”

He storms out, and the dad from the Eastern European family smiles at me.

Eastern European Dad: “Thank you, you didn’t have to do that.”

Me: “We both know I did.”

Eastern European Dad: “Let me know if he comes back and makes trouble.”

Me: “Nah, I’ve seen him around town my whole life. He’s all mouth and no trousers.”

Eastern European Dad: “Well, thank you. We will order a lot now.”

They ordered ten dishes! I’m not sure if they were really hungry or just trying to support a business that stood up for them, but you bet your bum they got some oversized portions and tons of free prawn crackers!

I’m handing a customer their tray of food: the burger, fries, and a soda.

Customer: “This drink is filled too much! I’m gonna spill it if I carry it to my table!”

Me: “Oh, well you could—”

Customer: “This happens to me all the time! You people never do anything right! Just because you all come from hot countries where you can carry all your s*** on your heads as you cross the river to your straw huts or whatever, don’t assume we can do that s***!”

Yes, this White customer was shouting this stuff to the worker and I, who are mostly Black and Asian.

I pick up his drink and take a loud gulp.

Me: “Problem solved.”

This customer went into such a rage that he threw his food at me (not the drink, I was still holding it), said a lot of racist language, and stormed out. The manager banned him, after she was able to stop laughing.