In A Thrush To Dump You

, , , , , , , | | Romantic | August 22, 2019

My boyfriend and I had been dating for almost six months and it had been going great until one day when I started to feel a little itchy “down there.” I made an appointment with my GP. I was so nervous, terrified it was a serious STD or something.

The doctor was very reassuring. She examined me and did a few tests. It turned out it was just thrush. As she could see I was still a little apprehensive, she offered to take some samples to send away for an STD test just for my peace of mind, which I agreed to. Better safe than sorry.

Thrilled that it wasn’t something serious like I feared, I took out my phone to give my boyfriend the good news. That’s when I found he had sent me a text. It read: 

“I know you cheated on me. You obviously have gonorrhoea and I know you didn’t get it from me. I obviously can’t trust you. We’re over. Don’t bother calling. I don’t want to talk to you ever again, you cheating whore.”

Stunned, I tried phoning him but he didn’t answer, so I texted him, frantically explaining it wasn’t an STD. I even sent him pictures of my prescription which clearly stated the medication was for thrush. I didn’t get a response. 

I was utterly devastated. We hadn’t been dating long, but we had been happy, or so I thought. However, I soon learned why he was acting so strangely.

A few weeks after we broke up, I received a call from a woman who said she was his girlfriend. How she got my number I don’t know, but she was furious, claiming that I had knowingly given my ex gonorrhoea, which he had then given to her. I explained that I did not have an STD.

When she didn’t believe me, I sent her the photos of my prescription which I had sent to my ex, the all-clear results from my STD tests, and screenshots of the break-up texts.

This led to several revelations. First, it seemed my ex and this woman had been dating for weeks before he broke up with me. He lied and told her we had broken up well before we actually did. When they found out they had an STD, he immediately blamed me and told her I gave it to him before we broke up, which I had just proven was a lie.

It also turns out that he reacted the way he did because he had been trying to find a guilt-free way to break up with me so he could be with this other woman, and decided my condition was the perfect way to do it.

Unsurprisingly, it became clear my ex was a serial cheater who had not only been dating us at the same time but other women, as well, which is probably how he caught an STD in the first place.

I never heard from the woman again, but I did hear through some mutual acquaintances I still had with my ex that the woman who called me immediately dumped him, and made a public post on Facebook outing him for being both a cheater and for having an STD. Sadly, I didn’t see the post, but I’m told it caused quite a stir.

It just goes to show that sometimes, people get their comeuppance sooner than they think.

Unfiltered Story #160190

, | | Unfiltered | August 22, 2019

It’s been a busy day, and all workers have sales targets to adhere to, so although answering queries is also a part of our job, it’s better if we don’t spend all our time doing so.

Customer: I want to change my billing date for this phone
Me: Certainly, if you just want to follow me and we’ll take a seat at the desk.

(After going through the gentleman’s bills we find that his next one is considerably higher)

Customer: That can’t be right! I only pay £x.xx for my contract!
Me: Well, I can check why it’s that high.
Customer: This is disgraceful, I haven’t done anything.
Me: I can guarantee sir that you will have done something that charges extra.

(The extra bill came from phone calls that were made outside the agreed contract allowance)

Me: Okay, so that’s why the bill is considerably higher, it seems that your son has gone over his allowance.
Customer: But I was told he can do ANYTHING he wants!

(Losing my patience)

Me: Unfortunately there is always some form of ‘cap’ or ‘allowance’ that your son has to adhere to. Was that not explained before you signed the contract?
Customer: No! Otherwise I would have gone elsewhere!
Me: What exactly does your son need ‘anything’ of?
Customer: Internet.
Me: Right well, he hasn’t gone over that, it’s his phone calls. You’re only paying for X amount.
Customer: But I was told he could use ANYTHING.

(Baring in mind the son is over 18, I’m told the son doesn’t want to check what’s left of his allowance using our very useful app)

Me: Well the next plan that could work is (considerably more). But you can’t upgrade to that for another 11 months.
Customer: Right, he’ll just have to never use his phone!

(I go on to explain he has unlimited texts and internet usage, it’s just his minutes. The son pipes up and asks about sending pictures, I thought he meant through apps, but he meant through texts. I then had to go through a 45 minute break down of what an MMS (multimedia message) is, and why they cost to send. It wasn’t until after all of this the customer told me he didn’t understand anything I just said and needed it explaining again.)

Me: Okay, so what don’t you understand?
Customer: Can he use the internet?
Me: Yes
Customer: But only X amount of minutes?
Me: Yes
Customer: And what about apps?
Me: They class as internet usage if they connect to the internet for them to work.

(The customer leaves, satisfied and with a long sheet of paper where I had hand written the basics of his contract that he had at home. He then proceeds to turn up 2 hours later whilst I’m with another customer to ask if his sons football app is free to use! Safe to say it was a long day)

Got A Forehead For Business

, , , , , | | Related | August 21, 2019

(My brother and I — age 21 and 25 respectively — and our mum are sat in the living room together. My brother still lives with our parents and I’m here visiting. Somehow the topic of how much my mum does for my brother comes up. This is all said in a jokey manner.)

Mum: “Do I have ‘slave’ tattooed on my forehead?”

Brother: “I’ll pay you.”

Mum: *disbelief* “You’ll start paying me?”

Brother: “No, I’ll pay for you to have ‘slave’ tattooed on your forehead.”


It’ll Get To Where It’s Supposed To Be Going

, , , | | Right | August 21, 2019

(I am in line at the post office waiting to post some mail for work. In front of me is a rather irate customer.)

Customer: “I’d like to check up on a letter posted ‘tracked.’” 

Clerk: “Of course, sir.” *asks for details* “Okay, sir, it appears the letter has been returned to the sender as no one answered when we tried to deliver it.”

Customer: “That can’t be right. This letter is very important; it has copyrighted documents in it! I posted it to myself!”

(The customer leaves unhappy and the clerk and I share a look.)

Me: “Did that really just happen?”

About To Realize A Change

, , , , | | Right | August 21, 2019

(I am shopping for some small craft things while waiting to meet friends, and the cashier has just rung up my half-full basket.)

Cashier: “That’s £20, please.”

Me: *while swiping my card* “Wow, really? How often is it a round number like that?!”

Cashier: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “That’s funny. £20 exactly, no change.”

Cashier: *looking confused and handing me my receipt* “Yeah. Thanks…”

(Talking to my friends later, I pulled out the receipt. It was then I realised I’d been in a store where everything is exactly one pound.)