They Got You Covered From A To Zulu

, , , , , , , | Friendly | May 6, 2019

(My husband and I are on holiday. We’re considered an uncommon interracial couple. We’re both South African, but I’m ethnically Pakistani and he’s a Zulu man. We’re on holiday in Dubai and we’re at a theme park known for its fast rides. It’s a bit of a busy day so we’re waiting in line. There have been a lot of queue jumpers today and we’re getting fed up. Just behind us are two Indian girls. As the line moves, we notice the girls are slowly inching closer and closer into our personal space, to the point where they’re actually moving around us and trying to get ahead in the queue. This pisses me off since I hate line jumpers, but I’m a bit of a pushover so I don’t confront them. I just give them a dirty look. Soon, the girls start speaking in Hindi, not realising that I’m Pakistani and fluent in Urdu — our language — which is very similar to Hindi.)

Girl #1: “What are they doing?”

Girl #2: “I don’t know. Look at that girl looking at us.”

Girl #1: “She looks crazy. Is she with the black guy?”

Girl #2: “Looks like it. Weird.”

(They say a few more sentences which I don’t catch because my glare is getting more intense, and I finally decide to speak up. I speak to them in Urdu.)

Me: “Hey, you girls are being incredibly rude. We’re all waiting in this line and I don’t know what you think of yourselves that you can cut past us.”

(Both girls look shocked and start to make excuses.)

Girl #2: “We’re not trying to cut in line, but fine, you go ahead of us.”

(The line moved forward a few steps and they got a little behind us. Coincidentally, the theme park that we were at employs a lot of South Africans and we’d been greeting our fellow countrymen the whole day, whenever we heard the accents. As we neared the front of the queue, the girls were starting their old tricks again and they’d managed to move a little ahead of us. One of the men running the ride turned out to be Zulu and my husband spoke to him in Zulu quite enthusiastically. The man asked how things were going and my husband replied that things were pretty good, except for the queue jumpers. The girls’ faces blanched and they started to look scared, even though neither of them could understand Zulu — the words “queue jumpers” were said in English. My husband isn’t the type to be petty, but being South African had been a huge advantage to us since the staff were usually nicer and more accommodating for us. Anyway, when they needed two people to fill the next ride, those girls were purposefully ignored by the attendant and we went in first. Even though it was something small, karma felt good.)

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Fraud For Dinner, Prison For Dessert

, , | Legal | February 2, 2019

(A business guest who has stayed with us for around a week comes to check out. Even though he was here for business and his company had booked his room for him, he brought his wife, which is not a problem for us, but the company explicitly said they will only pay for one person. So, we split the bill into his stay and his food and beverage consumption and a separate bill for his wife’s consumptions, which he will have to pay himself.)

Guest: “All the food is split up.”

Me: “Yes, your company will only pay for your food, but you will have to pay for your wife.”

Guest: “Yes, but can’t you just wrote ‘Dinner’ and the full amount without specifying how many people ate?”

Me: “No, this is an automatically generated bill. When you go to the restaurant, they type in what you order and that’s how it appears on the final bill.”

Guest: “Can you not… change it? I can say it was very expensive, but that it was only me eating here.”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t do that, sir.”

Guest: “Well, why not?”

Me: “Because modifying a bill is fraud and if your company finds out they will not do any business with us again.”

Guest: *grumbles and pays*

(Seriously though, your wife stays with you for free and you only pay for her food? Isn’t that enough?)

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Bolting To The Answers

, , , | Learning | August 17, 2017

(I participate in a quiz competition in a group of four. We win by the highest margin with only one incorrect answer out of about 60 or so. This happens during the last round of ‘Rapid Fire’ where a person is chosen as a representative from each team and has to answer 10 questions in a minute.)

Quiz Master: “Name the fastest two-legged animal on the planet.”

Me: “Usain Bolt.”

(Yeah, not my greatest moment.)

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Feeding You Gingerly

, , , , , | Hopeless | June 18, 2017

(I am 18 and a frequent traveler, mostly by flight. Since a very young age, I avoid eating on flights, as I get nausea in the air and the food just increases it. There have been incidents of me vomiting, so normally I eat before I board the flight. I am on a five-hour flight and I skipped having my lunch due to late boarding. The time comes when they distribute food.)

Flight Attendant: “Hello there, how’s it going? Would you like our vegetarian or non-vegetarian option?”

Me: “No, thank you; I don’t eat on flights.”

Flight Attendant: “Oh… well, why is that? Is there something else you would like to eat or anything that I can help you out with?”

Me: “No, it’s not that; I feel nauseous with flight food and I’d probably puke if I ate food on flight. I didn’t even eat before coming to the flight, and my nauseousness is just increasing.”

Flight Attendant: “Oh, well, I’m sorry to hear that but I can’t leave you without you eating something. It’s a five-hour flight! Oh wait… I have a solution!”

Me: “What is it?”

Flight Attendant: “Since you mentioned you feel nauseous, here’s some ginger ale; sip on it and it will help you feel better. Here’s a snack mix. Have this whilst sipping on the ale. I’ll get you something small once you’re done with that.”

(She then kept checking on me EVERY 30 minutes and kept giving me small snack mixes and two more ginger ales and I couldn’t have thanked her more. These air hostesses work for long hours yet they manage to keep their chirpiness alive!)

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