Getting Into The Meat Of Being Kosher

, , , , , , | Working | November 1, 2017

(I volunteer for a local channel that films activities happening in the community. We are currently filming a local Italian cooking talent show. As we are working long hours, the channel provides us with free lunch. When the production assistant comes around to ask about what kind of pizza we want, I say I’m kosher and to not get a meat pizza. The pizza arrives, and as I’m in line for a slice the PA comes over and hands me a salad.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, this must be for someone else.”

PA: “You aren’t vegetarian?”

Me: “No. I’m kosher.”

PA: “Oh, I thought they were the same.”

(To not embarrass the PA, I take the salad. A little while later a camera woman approaches me.)

Camera Woman: “Hey, I heard you’re vegetarian, too!” *shows me her salad*

Me: “Oh, I’m not vegetarian; I’m kosher. There was just a mix up with the PA.”

(Again… while we’re setting up lighting:)

Director: “Hey, [My Name], when did you become vegetarian?”

(I wasn’t really mad; I just found it so funny that me being “vegetarian” was the gossip on set. We all need a break from one another; clearly we are too involved in each other’s lives.)

Stick To A Different Script

| CA, USA | Working | January 6, 2017

(I work as an intern/assistant in a public access TV studio. Since the job has a lot of downtime and I enjoy programming, I write programs to automate some of my tasks when there is nothing else to do.)

Me: “Hey, [Boss], check out this new script I wrote.” *runs script that does in 30 seconds something that used to take me more than an hour to do by hand*

Boss: “Can I give you a bit of advice? I know you’ve written four or five little scripts like this, and that’s really awesome. However, I’m 55 and I learned a long time ago never to let my bosses know exactly how long it took to do the work.”

(I’ve learned this lesson well and in my current job I’ve written scripts that save me more than 10 hours a week and my boss still thinks I do most of the work by hand.)

A Gold Medal For Meddling With Time

| Vancouver, Canada | Right | March 26, 2010

(I work for a network that is hosting the 2010 Olympic games. The network is selling a DVD pack of Olympic highlights that people can order now, and will be sent to them when the Olympics have finished.)

Me: “Hello and thanks for calling. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I saw the ad on TV about the Olympic DVD pack you’re selling, and I’d like to order one. I was wondering if I could get them shipped to me by Friday. My son’s birthday is on Saturday.”

Me: “Sir, the Olympics don’t end until Sunday.”

Caller: “So, what’s the problem?”

Me: “You’re asking to have them shipped to you two days before the Olympics end. And even after the Olympics are over, I’m sure it’s going to take some time to get all of the packages made and shipped.”

Caller: “So you can’t have them here by Friday?”

Me: “Sir, there is no way to get them to you by Friday because the Olympics don’t end until Sunday.”

Caller: “That’s ridiculous! Now what are we supposed to get Johnny? Isn’t there any way they can get all the Olympics done before Friday?”

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