His Requirements Don’t Add Up

| Right | June 19, 2011

Caller: “Hi. I’m calling about your GED program.”

Me: “Well, we don’t have a specific program for the GED. I can assure you that all of our tutors are more than able to tutor the level of math on the GED.”

Caller: “Well, I’d like someone who has personal experience with the GED.”

Me: “Yes, but the GED test is for people who weren’t able to graduate high school.”

Caller: “Right.”

Me: “So, you want to be tutored by a tutor who didn’t graduate high school?”

Caller: “You don’t have anyone?”

Me: “No. All of our tutors graduated with honors and are now in college.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. Well, can you let me know if you ever get someone who is qualified?”

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Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Canadians

| Right | April 27, 2011

(I’m a Canadian citizen, but I’ve lived in the US for 12 years.)

Student: “Canadians talk funny.”

Me: “I’m actually from Canada, you know.”

Student: “But, you don’t live in the woods!”

Me: *amused* “Well, not all Canadians live in the woods, you know. They live in cities as well, just like here.”

Student: “So, did you come here to have a better life?”

 

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This Student Will Need To Be Discharged

| Right | March 17, 2011

(Ever since a particular oscar-winning film has been released, our services have been quite popular.)

Me: “Hello, [elocution lessons]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. I need some electrocution lessons for my husband.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. We can arrange some elocution lessons.”

Caller: “How much do you charge for electrocution?”

Me: “Prices are [price], ma’am. Forgive me for saying so, but it is pronounced elocution, not electrocution. They mean significantly different things.”

Caller: “I was calling for you to electrocute my husband! Not me!”

Me: “I apologise, I was not–”

Caller: “Stop correcting me and just electrocute my husband!”

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