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Got A Different Reading Of The Situation

, , , , , , , | Learning | March 22, 2018

I have always been an avid reader, and always took a book with me to school because I rode the bus.

One day in my social studies class, we had a test. Half of the class time was set aside for the test, and I finished fairly quickly. Figuring I could put my time to good use, I pulled out my book and quietly started reading.

A minute later, my teacher was next to me berating me for reading in class. He said that it was test time and to put the book away. I apologized and then did what any book lover would do: I put the book under my desk and read it from there.

I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone, being told not to read in school.

Not Getting A Good Reading Here

, , , , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that is the coupon for next week. Do you have the second half of this flyer, for this week’s coupon?”

Customer: *as loud as she can* “YOU NEED A F****** LAW DEGREE TO UNDERSTAND EXPIRATION DATES THESE DAYS!”

Me: “Beg your pardon? The date is written in the standard format, right here.” *points to dates on coupon*

Customer: “Like, you expect me to actually read the coupon?!”

Treating Depression With Tongue Firmly In Cheek

, , , , , | Healthy | January 17, 2018

(On my most recent office visit, I get some coffee but am hustled into a room before I can mix in cream or sugar. I spot a container of tongue depressors and grab one to stir. The nurse chuckles a bit at my audacity, but it makes perfect sense to me; it’s just like any other wooden coffee stirrer. Then, I have a bright idea. A few moments later my doctor walks in:)

Me: “I think I need Zoloft for my tongue.”

Doctor: “Why is that?”

Me: “It’s been depressed.”

(I got the laugh I hoped for. Nice to have a doctor with a sense of humor.)

Making It Glaringly Obvious

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 8, 2017

I was with a group of coworkers and we were grabbing a bite to eat. Not long after we were seated and eating, a man who seemed to be in his 60s sat at a table nearby so he was facing us. Then, the whole time we were eating, he glared at us. He never once looked away and definitely gave a look that could kill. As soon as we finished and vacated the table, he quickly moved to sit there. My coworkers and I exchanged glances, then shrugged it off.

The next time we were there, we spotted the older guy glaring at the family sitting at “his” table. They eventually grew uncomfortable and left quickly. Once again, the guy took a seat at the table.

Guess where we sat the next time we came in?

Going Toe-To-Toe With The GP

, , , | Healthy | November 30, 2017

(I have a horrible ingrown toenail. My GP determines that surgery is necessary. He is right, as after half of it is cut away, I still have a normal toenail remaining. The surgery is done under general anesthesia, a move I thought was overkill, but it is a success. Some years later I am seeing a podiatrist about the same problem with the other foot and the doctor concludes the same treatment. I tell him about the first surgery.)

Doctor: “They gave you general anesthesia? That’s ridiculous. Was it a GP?”

Me: “I thought it was extreme. Yes, he was my GP.”

Doctor: “Figures. GP’s don’t know how to anesthetize a toe. Okay, let’s get this taken care of today.”

(He sets me up for surgery, sticks a needle in the base of my toe and injects me. After a bit he uses something pointy to test my toe.)

Doctor: “There, you shouldn’t be feeling anything.”

Me: “I can feel that quite easily. Try again.” *I look away so he knows I’m no cheating by watching* “Yeah, I can still feel it.”

Doctor: “Hmm. Let’s get you some more anesthesia.”

(After a bit, it’s still not numb. I’m suddenly feeling a great lack of confidence after hearing his short diatribe about GPs.)

Doctor: “Well, on a few rare individuals, the main nerve for that part of the toe runs up the wrong side of the toe. Let me see if that’s it.”

(Lucky for him (and me) that turned out to be exactly the case. I still get a wry grin thinking about him complaining that another doctor couldn’t just numb my toe.)