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A Piping Hot Cup Of Karma

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | October 25, 2020

Years ago, my wife and I invited a couple of married friends over for an evening of socializing. My wife was into tea — I’m more a coffee guy— and she served some licorice tea. I’m a great licorice lover. In fact, I’m eating a small piece now, which triggered the memory of this story.

My Wife: “What do you think of the tea?”

Husband Friend: “It’s delicious. I really love it.”

Now, jump forward a year or so. We’re at a restaurant with the same couple and a few other friends. We’re ordering desserts, so my wife orders tea to go with it. Immediately after, the husband speaks up:

Husband Friend: “We were once at someone’s house and they served us licorice tea. It was the most horrible thing I’d ever tasted.” *Turning to his wife* “Where was that?”

Me: “That was our house.”

I don’t recall ever seeing a guy turn quite so red. The rest of us got a good laugh.

Sweet Clerk; Sour Suggestions

, , , , , | Working | September 8, 2020

I go to a liquor store.

Me: “Let me have the larger bottle of [Brand] brandy.”

Clerk: “Sure. Hey! What’s your usual poison?”

Me: “Usually vodka.”

Clerk: “Oh, have I got something for you to try!”

A nearby associate speaks up.

Associate: “Oh, here we go again! You should get a commission on those.”

The clerk shows me a bottle.

Clerk: “Have you tried [some booze I had never heard of]?”

Me: “Nope.”

Clerk: “You’ll like it! It’s a mix of Cognac and vodka. They also have it in apple and peach.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t want flavored ones. Those are always sweet. I love [Expensive Sweet Liquor] but it’s got sugar and I’m on a low-carb diet.”

Clerk: “Okay, but I promise you’ll like this. If not, bring it back and I’ll drink it.”

We all laugh at his little joke.

I get home and pour a little into a Brandy snifter. I take one sip and it is a sweet liquor. It tastes great, but I can’t drink it; I give it to my daughter who can.

Two days later, I’m in line again, this time with some vodka. This time the “here we go again” associate is ringing me up and the original clerk is lingering behind her.

Me: “Hey, dude! Remember the stuff you encouraged me to get?”

Clerk: “Yeah? How did you like it?”

Me: “It was great, but I couldn’t drink it.”

Clerk: “Why not?”

Me: “Remember I told you I couldn’t do sweet drinks? That stuff was syrup.”

Clerk: “Really? I didn’t think it was sweet.”

A customer behind me speaks up.

Customer: “Was it [Recommended Liquor]?”

Clerk: “Yes, that’s it.”

Customer: “Yeah, man, that’s really sweet.”

Clerk: “Wow! I didn’t think it was sweet at all.”

I just shrugged and shook my head. I wasn’t going to act like a jerk about it — especially since I’m a regular there — but I don’t know how someone could drink a sticky, syrupy drink and not know it’s sweet. I’m glad I’m not diabetic.

How Is She Going To Eat It?

, , , , , , , , | Right | June 11, 2020

A coworker is on the phone with a lady ordering pizza. She can barely understand the customer; her voice is muffled.

Coworker: “Ma’am, are you wearing a mask?”

Customer: “Yes. I don’t want to get corona from you.”

I’m surprised that the lady didn’t want the pizza faxed to her.


This story is part of our Anti-Masker roundup. This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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Keep Your Brain On Ice

, , , , | Working | June 3, 2020

I’m ordering at a fast food restaurant.

Me: “…and a lemon-lime soda, no ice.”

It is a habit for me to order sodas without ice; I hate the way the carbonation is ruined. I know my wishes are often ignored, so I always check the drink. But this particular day, I’m lost in thought and when I get to the window to get my order, I simply can’t remember what I said.

Clerk: “Here’s your drink.”

Me: “Oh, nuts. Did I say, ‘no ice’?”

Clerk: “Yes, sir, you did.”

He handed me the drink and it was done right for a change. Thanks, dude, for getting it right even when I wasn’t sure myself.

It’s The Little Things That Make All The Difference

, , , , , | Right | December 26, 2019

(It’s the day after Christmas. It’s late and near closing time at the big chain grocery store. Even though there are only about 5% of the customers that are normally there, all the staff look weary. I approach the cashier to check out.)

Me: “I bet you’re glad all the Christmas chaos is over.”

Cashier: “A little.”

Me: *laughing* “Just a little? Do you mean it’s just a little over or do you mean you’re just a little glad?”

Cashier: *after thinking for a moment* “A little of both.”

Me: “Touché.”


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