This Is All Public Record

, , , , , , | Legal | November 3, 2018

Years ago, my wife and I were the target of a civil suit. When we arrived at the court for the first hearing, the lights in the courtroom were out and not a soul was in sight. We checked the date and location on our paperwork. We were in the right place at the right time. After some hunting we found the judge’s office and were ushered into his private chambers. Had we not done so, it would have been a judgment against us. The other lawyers were there and smirking, but apparently put out that we found the location of hearing. At the time it didn’t go well, but the plaintiffs made some nasty goofs and the whole issue was dropped. I would have forgotten about the whole issue but I mentioned the judge to a friend of mine I’ll call Waldo.

Waldo was a nut. I say this in a kind way. He was one of the infamous “advisers” in the early days of the Vietnam War. Later in life he became a major advocate for rights and freedoms. To say that he liked to stick it to “the man” was an understatement. One time he went as far as pulling over a cop to warn him of a taillight out. Another time he had the sheriff’s office raid a bank for failure to respect a warrant.

But when I told him about the judge, he said he knew exactly who that was. He was in the same office I was in and complained that the hearing wasn’t public. The judge smugly declared that the office was public. After the hearing, Waldo left and was halfway out of the building when he got a crazy idea. He headed back to the judge’s office, waltzed past his secretary, and barged right into the chambers where the next “public hearing” was taking place. The judge naturally blew his top and asked Waldo what he was doing, barging in like that. Waldo calmly answered that the judge himself had said that this was public. Infuriated, the judge had to tolerate his presence.

Thankfully, laws of Karma caught up with the judge and he was ousted for that nonsense, and a few other bits of malfeasance.

Unfiltered Story #115280

, , | Unfiltered | June 29, 2018

I work at a call center for a major satellite TV provider, providing tech support for customers.  One day I get a call and the following exchange happens:

Me: Thank you for calling (company name) how may I help you?

Customer: Yeah, I got nothing on my tv.

(at this point, it seems to be an easy fix we get these calls all the time.)

Me: I’m sorry to hear that, but I’d be happy to help with that.  When you say “nothing” is it an error message?

Customer: No, what are you an idiot? It’s nothing a black screen.

Me: (Choosing to ignore the comment) Ok, we can fix that easily enough, some of these questions may seem basic but bear with me please.  Is the blue light on on your box?

Customer: No the blue light isn’t (expletive deleted) on, the box isn’t plugged in.

Me: Sir, if you could plug in the box I believe that will solve the problem.

Customer: What do you think I’m some kind of (expletive deleted) idiot?  Let me talk to your manager, maybe he can figure out what’s wrong with your (expletive deleted) box.

Naturally, I got him over to a supervisor.  While explaining the situation to the supervisor, we had a good chuckle over the customer’s seeming inability to grasp that electronics do, indeed, need electricity.

They’re Still Looking For A Cure

, , , , , , | Working | June 11, 2018

(A coworker comes in late because he had to take his wife to the doctor.)

Me: “Hey! How’s your wife?”

Coworker: “She’s fine. She was showing some symptoms of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. The thing you can get from ticks?”

Me: “Isn’t that more an out-east thing?”

Coworker: “You’re thinking Lyme Disease. This area gets Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.”

Me: “Okay. I once had symptoms of Rocky Horror Picture Show Fever.”

Coworker: “Yeah, I heard that was common back in the early 80s.”

(I laughed. At least he had the timeline right.)

Chairing This Situation

, , , , , , | Learning | March 23, 2018

Many years ago, I was in eighth grade and we had a yearly event for that grade that was basically a picnic. We had group projects to work on, so to be nice to the other people in my group, I brought folding chairs for us to sit on outside while we ate.

The teachers called all the students up to get our food, and when I got back to our spot, all four of my chairs were gone. I was pissed and went around asking for my chairs back. Two kids gave them up with no issue. Two other boys told me I’d just have to wait until they were done with them. When I pointed out that my (very girly) name was written on each chair they dismissed me and told me to get lost. Fed up, I did the only logical thing; I walked behind them and dumped them on their butts in the grass, taking my chairs back to my spot.

While I was eating lunch, a teacher came up to ask me if I had stolen some chairs from some boys. I calmly told her that, no, they were my chairs, and they had stolen them from me.

We all got sent to the principal’s office. When it finally came my turn, the principal looked at me and asked, “Who are you? I’ve never met you before.” She commended me on standing up for myself, but said I should have gotten a teacher to help. I pointed out that they were all busy and that none had been available. She gave all three of us detention. Guess who was the only one who showed up? The office worker who oversaw detention felt badly for me, so I got to watch videos on a spare computer and have some pizza that had been bought for the staff. I later learned that the two boys I’d dumped in the grass were detention regulars, and I was apparently the “nicest kid they’d had in detention.”

Got A Different Reading Of The Situation

, , , , , , , | Learning | March 22, 2018

I have always been an avid reader, and always took a book with me to school because I rode the bus.

One day in my social studies class, we had a test. Half of the class time was set aside for the test, and I finished fairly quickly. Figuring I could put my time to good use, I pulled out my book and quietly started reading.

A minute later, my teacher was next to me berating me for reading in class. He said that it was test time and to put the book away. I apologized and then did what any book lover would do: I put the book under my desk and read it from there.

I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone, being told not to read in school.

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