My Hand Is Bigger Than Texas

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(The customer is calling to book reservations for her family at a large Orlando theme park.)

Customer: “I want a hotel room with an ocean view.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am; Orlando is located in Central Florida, and is not on the coast. Would you like me to book you a room with a view of the lake instead?”

Customer: “No! I don’t want a d***ed view of the lake. I know you can see the ocean from there! I’m looking at a map of Florida right now, and it’s obvious how narrow it gets there. The ocean is very close on both sides, so book me a d*** ocean view room!”

Me: “You might want to check your map for a scale. I’ve been to Florida many times, and Orlando at least an hour’s drive to the ocean. There is no way you can see the coast from the resort.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll just call another travel agent who’s actually willing to help me book what I want.”

Me: “Er…ma’am, if you can find an ocean view room in Orlando I will personally pay for your vacation out of my own pocket. Good luck with that.”

Bison Wings Has An Interesting Ring To It

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Client: “I need a flight.”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. Where to?”

Client: “Bison.”

Me: ¬†”Um… okay, ma’am. And that is?”

Client: “In the US.”

Me: “Sure… and what state?”

Client: “I am not sure, but I need one leaving Friday.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t find any flights to Bison.”

Client: “It’s a BIG place. ”

Me: “Do you mean Buffalo, New York?”

Client: “We don’t call them BUFFALO anymore.”

Me: “Ma’am, they didn’t change the name of the city.”

Because 8 Bajillion Signs Are Always The Answer

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(A lady calls our travel office regarding a certain theme park in central Florida.)

Caller: “Do you allow sex offenders into your theme parks?”

Me: “Well, as hundreds of thousands of people enter our parks each day, we’re not able to ID each person and check their criminal history.”

Caller: “So you encourage sex offenders to come to a place filled with little children?”

Me: “No…”

Caller: “Do you have signs saying ‘No Sex Offenders’?”

Me: “Um, no. But as part of a sex offender’s parole or probation, they’re not allowed within a certain number of feet of children, so that would be law enforcement’s responsibility.”

Caller: “I’m appalled that you encourage sex offenders to come to your park. I’m going elsewhere!”

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I Could Not, Would Not, On A Boat, But Maybe A Goat

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Me: “Hello, *** Travel. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hello I have a question.”

Me: “Sure, go ahead.”

Caller: “Do you offer cruise packages?”

Me: “Yes sir, we do.”

Caller: “Would that be on a ship?”

Me: “…”

Egocentrism Meets Geocentrism

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Customer, calling from a cell phone: “Would you tell me how to get to your office?”

Me: “Sure, where are you now?”

Customer: “That is none of your business. Just tell me how to get there.”

Me: “But to do that, I need to know where you are starting from. Are you in our town?”

Customer: “I told you that is none of your $%@# business.”

(After few more exchanges of this sort…)

Customer: “You are an idiot. Let me speak to your manager.”

Manager, who overheard part of the conversation already: “May I help you?”

Customer: “Tell me how to get to your office.”

Manager: “Well, that depends on where you are starting from.”

Customer: “&@#$#!! Just $%%@# tell me how to get there.”

Manager: “Okay. See the next corner? Turn right there.”

Customer: *click*

Related:
You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy
(Telepathic) Help Wanted

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