Better Than Going To Po… Tula… End

, , , , | Right | October 30, 2018

(Overheard from a customer nearby:)

Customer: “Three for a flight to Oyygiinnee.”

(The last two syllables are the same as the word “agony.”)

Agent: “I’m sorry, where?”

Customer: “OYY… GIIN… NEE.”

Agent: “I’m sorry, could you spell or write that out?”

Customer: *writes*

Agent: “Okay, so, Eugene, Oregon?”

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The Kids Aren’t The Screaming Brats Here

, , | Right | October 20, 2018

(We run an adults-only holiday services. We’ve got many packages and advertise ourselves very clearly as such. No kids allowed. If people call in asking about bringing their children along, we usually give them the numbers of several family-friendly travel services that offer resorts near to ours. Most customers thank us for this. This one, however…)

Caller: “I want to book [holiday package] for [dates].”

Me: “How many people is this for?”

Caller: “Two adults and two children under the age of ten.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, none of our holiday packages accommodate children. For family holidays, can I recommend—”

Caller: “Shut up! We want to go to your resort!”

Me: “We offer adults-only destinations, so I’m afraid you will not be able to travel there with your children. There is a resort nearby that is very good and is family friendly, and I can give you the number for the travel agent—”

Caller: “SHUT UP! I KNOW THIS! I know it’s adults-only; that’s why we want to go!”

Me: “Then you understand you cannot bring your children along?”

Caller: “NO, YOU DUMB B****! That’s why we want to go! We want a nice quiet family holiday without other people’s screaming brats ruining it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we cannot book children into this resort. The one nearby that does accept children is—”

Caller: “WELL, THEN, JUST BOOK ME AND MY HUSBAND! We’ll just turn up with the kids, as well! What would you do, then, huh? You’d have to let them stay! You couldn’t leave children on their own!”

Me: “The resort would simply not let you in, and would probably direct you to the family one nearby.”

Caller: “AND IF WE DON’T WANT TO GO THERE?! Huh? You going to throw us onto the next plane back home?”

Me: “Not personally, no, but they might.”

Caller: “Book it for me and my husband, then. We’ll just get the kids there ourselves.”

Me: “I’m not booking this for you. Our holidays are for people with no children to destinations where there will be no children.”

Caller: “Pfft, right. What kind of adult doesn’t have kids?”

Me: “Me, my husband, and most of the staff here.”

Caller: *hangs up*

(I left a note on the computer system stating to be very careful if that caller tried to book a holiday with us, since they’d threatened to drag their kids along, too. Seriously, though, who books their kids onto an international flight knowing they haven’t booked accommodation for them at the other end?!)

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I Heard That Place Is Full Of Crap

, , , , , | Right | September 4, 2018

(I am waiting to make vacation arrangements. The customer in front of me is being helped.)

Customer: “I’d like to take a vacation on [dates].”

Agent: “Certainly, sir! Where would you like to go on your vacation?”

Customer: “I’m going to Man-ass.”

Agent: “Where?”

Customer: “MAN-ASS!”

Agent: “I don’t know of any city by that name, sir.”

Customer: “I went there last year! Man-ass! It’s down in Bolivia!”

Agent: “Did you mean Manaus, Brazil?”

(She tilts her computer screen so he can see.)

Customer: “Yes! Man-ass! Can you get me there?”

Agent: “Certainly, sir.” *she types a few things into her computer, then prints a sheet of paper* “One trip to Manaus on [dates]; the price is [price].”

(The man cheerfully pays. As he leaves, he pumps his fist in the air.)

Customer: “Yes! I’m going to have a great time in Man-ass!”

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When You Upgrade To Platinum Black, It Means Truly Nothing

, , , , | Working | May 12, 2018

(I answer the phone.)

Caller: “Hello! This is [Caller] from [Travel Club]! I’m calling to tell you that you have been upgraded to a platinum level!”

Me: “Thank you. What does that mean?”

Caller: “I have no idea. Let me transfer you to my manager.”


Manager: “How can I help you?”

Me: “It wasn’t meant to be a difficult question. I just wondered what I get for being a platinum member?”

Manager: “Nothing, really. But because you asked, I’ll give you a free year’s travel insurance, too. All right?”

Me: “Um, sure. Yeah. Thanks.”

Manager: “Goodbye!”

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No Reply Will Satisfy Them

, , , | Right | May 4, 2018

Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Agency]. How may I assist you?”

Caller: “I want to file a complaint.”

Me: “All right, and may I know what is it about?”

Caller: “About the previous girl that talked to me.”

(I check the records. The last time she called in was two months ago, and she’s supposed to check into a hotel in three days time. When she called in before, she wanted to amend the check-in date.)

Me: “Ma’am, from my record, it shows that you requested to amend the date from [date in November]. However, we didn’t proceed with the amendment, as we did not receive any confirmation from your end.”

Caller: “What?! That’s ridiculous! I’m sure I replied immediately! Check your stupid system again!”

Me: *check again and still finds nothing* “I’m sorry, ma’am. I really don’t see any confirmation emails from you. And since it’s been two months, I will have to double check with [Hotel] about the rate and if they still have rooms on the date that you want to amend, and there might be some price difference.”

Caller: *starts screaming* “OH, MY GOD! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! So, you are going to waste another five to ten minutes of my life just because you didn’t do your job well?! And even worse, I have to pay more for your mistakes?!”

Me: “All right, ma’am, please give me a minute and I’ll go through all our emails and try to locate the email that you sent us, okay? May I know which email you replied to?”

Caller: “You better! I think I replied to noreply@[website].”

Me: *stunned for two seconds* “Ma’am, when it says ‘noreply,’ that means it’s an automated email and you should not reply to it. Even if you did, we will not receive anything.”


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