Been There, Done That, Complained At The T-Shirt

, , , | Right | November 6, 2019

(A woman from out of state comes into our travel agency.)

Customer: “I want to talk to someone about things to do in this area.”

Me: “Okay, where were you thinking of going?”

Customer: “No, I want to talk to someone who works in the travel department.”

Me: “That would be me, ma’am; I can help you.”

Customer: “Fine, I don’t know where I want to go; that’s why I want to talk to someone.”

Me: “Okay, have you visited the coastal area yet? There are a lot of little—”

Customer: *cutting me off mid-sentence* “Yes, I already did the whole coast.”

Me: “Okay, well, what sorts of things are you interested in seeing or doing?”

Customer: “Things I haven’t seen or done before.”

Me: “Do you want to spend time in nature? Or go to museums? Or shop?”

Customer: “I don’t want to go shopping, I could do that anywhere! I want you to help me go somewhere I haven’t been!”

Me: “Okay, how about Bethel? That is inland and has a nice scenic drive.”

Customer: “No, I already spent time there.”

Me: “Okay, how about Bangor? They have museums and a nice downtown area.”

Customer: “No, that’s way too far away!”

(Bangor is two hours away.)

Me: “Okay, so it sounds like you have pretty much explored everything locally within a two-hour distance. I’m not sure what to advise you at this point.”

Customer: “How about New Hampshire? What is there to do there?”

Me: “Oh! Yeah, if you want to travel there, you could do the White Mountains or Lake Winnipesaukee area!”

Customer: *sighs* “No, I have already seen that.”

Me: “Well, I don’t think I can help you. Here are guides on both states; maybe if you read through them you’ll find something that interests you.”

Customer: “This is why I wanted to talk to someone!”

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The Great Detroit To Kingston River  

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2019

(I work in a travel agency, specializing in cruises, where we only deal with clients over the phone. Our agency has the word “CRUISE” in the name, and that’s plastered all over our website. It’s also in the phone message you get before you speak to one of the agents.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Agency]. This is [My Name] speaking; how may I help you?”

Client: *mumble, mumble, mumble*

Me: “I’m sorry, could you please repeat that? I think we have a bad connection; I’m having a hard time hearing you.”

Client:*mumble, mumble, something unintelligible* “Jamaica.”

Me: “Oh, you’d like to visit Jamaica?”

(The client continues to talk under her breath, so I can’t hear more than a few words. Eventually, she finally begins to enunciate clearly.)

Client: “How much are flights to Jamaica?”

Me: “Ma’am, we are a cruise-only agency; we do not deal directly with flights and airfare.”

Client: “Fine, how much are cruises to Jamaica?”

Me: “It depends; there are a lot of different factors: length of time you’re sailing, what ship you’re on, where you leave from—”

Client: *interrupting me* “I want to leave from Michigan.”

Me: “I’m sorry, there are no cruises that originate in Michigan. Other than the Great Lakes, which cruise ships don’t sail on, Michigan is land-locked.”

Client: “But I want to leave from Michigan. I live there.”

Me: *screaming internally* 

(Ultimately, what the woman was looking for — after a LOT of back-and-forth due to her perpetual mumbling — wasn’t even a cruise. I couldn’t help her, but it did make me wonder how people can have such a lack of comprehension over basic geography, especially for where they live.)

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No Vocation For Location, Part 22

, , , , , , , | Working | December 30, 2018

(I call the travel agency that books our flights for work.)

Me: “Hi. I’d like to book a flight from Chicago to Brasilia on October 20th, please.”

Travel Agent: “No problem. What city?”

Me: “Brasilia.”

Travel Agent: “Yes, but what city?”

Me: *slowly and pronouncing every syllable* “Bra-si-li-a.”

Travel Agent: “But what city in Brazil?”

Me: “Brasilia… the capital… of Brazil.”

Travel Agent: “Oh…”

No Vocation For Location, Part 21
No Vocation For Location, Part 20
No Vocation For Location, Part 19

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She Shattered Glass; You Shattered Her Entitlement

, , | Right | December 22, 2018

(It’s half an hour until opening and I’m taking care of some work on my computer. I hear someone try the door and look up to see a woman trying desperately to open it. I shout that we’re closed but assume she doesn’t hear. The owner has told us to simply ignore a customer in this instance, so this what I do. However, the woman doesn’t take the hint, and after five minutes, she’s still there, only now she’s taken to tapping the glass, as well. It’s driving everyone mad, including the owner. I see the owner walk — rather stomp — to the door and unlock it.)

Customer: “Finally! Your door isn’t—“

Owner: “WE’RE CLOSED!” *pointing to the sign* “C-L-O-S-E-D! CLOSED!”

Customer: *taken aback* “How rude—“ *door slammed in her face*

(She runs away, and the owner goes back into her office, but that isn’t the end of it. The woman comes back with her husband who then tries the door, only more ferociously. With two tugs, he shatters the glass. The owner comes out again to see the woman trying to climb through the opening. Her husband is outside, looking incredibly sheepish.)

Customer: “I want to make a complaint, right now! Your door just cut me—“

Owner: “You’ve just broken my door! [Colleague], phone the police.”

(The woman and the owner screamed at each other until the police arrived. The woman pretended to not have known we were closed, but our CCTV records audio, and the police had to walk past the glass, with the closed sign still attached to a shard. No charges were made, but the husband offered to buy a new door, much to his wife’s protests of innocence.)


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Different Places, Different Paces

, , , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(A customer calls from London because he needs some help checking in for his flight back to Athens.)

Customer: “Hello. I’m trying to check in online but the site is not working right.”

Me: “I’m afraid the online check-in service will be available four hours from now.”

Customer: “Is it four hours in Greek time or English time?”

Me: “You know, time doesn’t work like that.”

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