Timely Flights Of Fancy

| London, England, UK | Right | April 24, 2017

(I’m on the phone with a customer inquiring about flights to a certain destination. Airline #1 has multiple flights per day, while Airline #2 flies once per day.)

Me: “So the cheapest flight for [Airline #1] flying to [Destination] is £[Total], and the cheapest flight for [Airline #2] is £[Total].”

Customer: “Why does [Airline #2] only fly to [Destination] once per day?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I don’t like the times for [Airline #2]. Can’t I fly at a different time?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I have no control over how often airline companies schedule their flights. If you want to arrive by a certain time, [Airline #1] would be the better option.”

Customer: “I still don’t get it. Why doesn’t [Airline #2] fly to [Destination] more often? Their counter at the airport is much bigger than [Airline #1]!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: *trying to keep a straight face while talking* “No, ma’am, the size of the check-in counter has no relation to how many flights an airline has.”

First-Class Travellers Get Their Own Tardis

| Grenoble, France | Right | April 4, 2017

(It’s Friday closing time at my agency when the phone rings. I pick up the phone and greet the wife of an important client; a high-tech local firm CEO, who inquired about the arrival time in Paris of her husband’s flight from New York. I get the info for which she thanks me before saying goodbye. Not a minute later, the phone rings again:)

Caller: “I’m terribly sorry; I forgot to mention he traveled first class. I thought perhaps…”

Me: “Same arrival time, madam!”

A London House Business

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Right | November 4, 2016

(A middle-aged lady walks in looking a little lost and is immediately greeted.)

Colleague: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Middle-Aged Lady: “Yes, can you please tell me if it is cheaper to fly into London or England?”

Colleague: “I’m sorry?” *thinking she had misheard the question*

Middle-Aged Lady: “Which is cheaper to fly into? London or England?”

Colleague: “Sorry, London is in England.”

Middle-Aged Lady: “Yes, I know, but which one is cheaper to fly into?”

Colleague: *confused about what to do* “London. It is cheaper to fly into London.”

Middle-Aged Lady: “And how much would it cost to fly business class?”

Colleague: “Depending on the time of year and airline, maybe around $8000.”

Middle-Aged Lady: “$8000?! You can buy a house for that price!”

(She then stalks out of the office muttering under her breath about ridiculous prices.)

Colleague: *turning to me* “What just happened?”

Me: “I literally have no idea, but I’d love to see that $8000 house!”

Have Your Reservations About Your Reservation

| Dublin, Ireland | Working | February 24, 2016

(It’s my first time traveling alone, and I make all the arrangements myself, triple-checking everything because I know I won’t have anyone I know in the country when I arrive. I’m assured that everything will go as planned. Once I’m off the plane though, I can’t seem to locate my hotel, and it does not appear on any maps, nor has anyone I speak to heard of it. Hysterical because now I’m penniless and stranded halfway round the world, I finally get directions from a different hotel, who informs me the one I’m looking for has changed their name. Understandably angry, I call the agency.)

Me: “Why was I not informed that the hotel’s name had changed? That’s kind of important!”

Agent: “Are you unhappy with the service we provided?”

Me: “Yes, I’m unhappy! I was wandering around Dublin with my suitcase for three hours, trying to find somewhere that doesn’t exist!”

Agent: “Was your reservation to your liking when you got there?”

Me: “Yes, eventually. My point is—”

Agent: “Then there’s nothing I can do. Have a nice day.”

(They hung up on me, without even apologizing for their mistake.)

We’ll Always Have Paris Websites

| England, UK | Working | April 17, 2015

Me: “Hi. We are looking for a short break in Paris, but don’t know where. What can you recommend?”

Travel Agent: “Well, err, I…” *opens the website* “Well, there are lots of hotels we cover.”

Me: “Yes, we did see the website, but never having been there before, some basic idea of English speaking areas and what there is to do would be a great help.”

Travel Agent: “Well…” *opens the first page* “…this looks nice.” *reads straight from the site* “—Is in walking distance of the ‘arc duh tiamp.'”

Me: “Okay, again we did see the website, but as a travel agent can you give us any more information?”

Travel Agent: “Uh…” *reading again from the website* “It has a bar and…”

Me: “Okay, thanks. I think we will take a look ourselves.             ”

Travel Agent: *visibly relieved* “If I can help you any more, please just ask. Oh, and ask for my name when you want to book.”

(We didn’t return, and ended up booking ourselves. We had a great time and paid less than if we booked through them.)

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