I’m helping a customer plan a multi-country trip.

Me: “Now on to the paperwork. Are you a US citizen?”

Customer: *Immediate and glaring.* “Yes! Of course! I’m a patriot!”

Me: “I… uh, I’m actually asking about citizenship; specifically, which passport you hold. It’s so I can tell you what travel documents you’ll need.”

She looks slightly confused, then angry, but nods.

Customer: “Well… yes, I have a US passport!”

Me: “Great! That’s all I needed.”

Customer: “Well, you didn’t have to question my patriotism!”

Me: “I didn’t, I just asked about your paperwork.”

Customer: “I’m an American! I don’t need papers! You sound like the passport police!”

Me: “Better me than the actual passport police.”

Customer: “Feels like you’re testing my loyalty!”

Me: “Nope, I’m testing your eligibility to board a plane.”

This kept going on for the entire process. Every time I tried to confirm another detail, she added another “question my patriotism!” comment.

The company where I work produces very complex machines. In a particular variant which was newly produced at the time, they took a team of about ten engineers around three or four months to be installed and set up, making it more of a work of craftsmanship than something industrial.

Comes on stage Winston (fictional name). As the Winston Wolf in Pulp Fiction, he was a problem solver. He was able, by some sort of black art, to install and set up a machine alone in record time. Being, as I said, a form of craftmanship, Winston was very valued and in high demand, flying around the world to help speed up problematic installations.

Our company policy allows employees to take up to one year of sabbatical leave, and Winston with his business trips had gathered enough frequent flyer points and missed family time that he could use that year to enjoy some personal time without worrying much about the missed income. So, he asked his manager for approval for the one-year sabbatical.

Upon hearing the request, [Manager] went, of course, into panic mode:

Manager: “I cannot approve this leave; we can’t afford to install machines without your support.”

Winston, as his namesake, didn’t flinch.

Winston: “I am not asking permission. I am giving you a choice between 1) you find a way to manage one year of installations without my support, and I will be back at the end of it; 2) you find a way to manage a lifelong of installations without my support because if I am not approved this sabbatical, I am quitting.”

[Manager] asked for some time to reflect, and then approved the sabbatical on the condition that Winston could be called in if dire needs applied.

So, for one year, our travel office had to book a few times some business travels starting from unusual locations. Whenever they tried to object that [Place X] was not one of our offices, high management would quickly shut them down and approve the exception to the travel policy.

I’m putting together a European trip for a newly-retired couple going on their first trip in a while.

Me: “Okay, so let’s talk hotels.”

Caller: “Yes, we were on YouTube, and we liked the look of the Incontinence.”

Me: “The… Incon… what now?”

Caller: “The Incontinence. Is that how you say it? We’re not good with languages. Is it pronounced In-con-tineau or something?”

Me: “Did you mean the Intercontinental?”

Caller: “Now that you mention it, that sounds better than what I said.”

Anything would have been better than what he said!

Still, it’s not as bad as that guy who called, who wanted to stay in The White Lotus and “specifically that room with the pool where all those women banged”.

I’m explaining an itinerary for a European trip that a customer is interested in booking.

Me: “And then the Normandy tour continues to Omaha Beach.”

Customer: “Omaha has a beach?”

Me: “Uh, no. Omaha Beach is a beach in Normandy that played a big part in World War 2. There’s a big historical monument there, and—”

Customer: “—I’ve been to Omaha, and there’s no beach!”

Me: “Again, ma’am, I’m not talking about the city of Omaha in Nebraska. This is part of the European tour, remember? I’m talking about France.”

Customer: “Well, tell France to stop copying us!”

Me: “…anyway, after that you visit the—”

Customer: “—Do we go to Pearl Harbor on this trip?”

I think I am being trolled at this point, but nothing in her behavior indicates this.

Me: “Pearl Harbor is in Hawaii, ma’am. This is a European tour, remember?”

Customer: “Oh. Well, you mentioned World War 2, and I know Pearl Harbor was that.”

Me: “World War 2, as implied by the name, was fought all over the world, ma’am. It happened in Europe as well as Hawaii.”

Customer: “That’s the one that the Japanese bombed, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Did they bomb Boston harbor?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “…”

The rest of the conversation was like this. She did not book the trip.

Customer: “I’d like to go to Oklahoma, please.”

Me: “Of course. What day would you like to go?”

Customer: *Gives me the date.*

Me: “All right, what time would you prefer?”

Customer: “I’d like a matinee.”

Me: “…”

Then the light dawned… The travel agency I work at is in a department store in the services area, opposite a desk that sells theater and event tickets.

Me: “Did you want to go see the show ‘Oklahoma’?”

Customer: “Yes…?”

I then pointed her to the ticket desk, across the room.