Timely Flights Of Fancy

| London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I’m on the phone with a customer inquiring about flights to a certain destination. Airline #1 has multiple flights per day, while Airline #2 flies once per day.)

Me: “So the cheapest flight for [Airline #1] flying to [Destination] is £[Total], and the cheapest flight for [Airline #2] is £[Total].”

Customer: “Why does [Airline #2] only fly to [Destination] once per day?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I don’t like the times for [Airline #2]. Can’t I fly at a different time?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I have no control over how often airline companies schedule their flights. If you want to arrive by a certain time, [Airline #1] would be the better option.”

Customer: “I still don’t get it. Why doesn’t [Airline #2] fly to [Destination] more often? Their counter at the airport is much bigger than [Airline #1]!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: *trying to keep a straight face while talking* “No, ma’am, the size of the check-in counter has no relation to how many flights an airline has.”

First-Class Travellers Get Their Own Tardis

| Grenoble, France | Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(It’s Friday closing time at my agency when the phone rings. I pick up the phone and greet the wife of an important client; a high-tech local firm CEO, who inquired about the arrival time in Paris of her husband’s flight from New York. I get the info for which she thanks me before saying goodbye. Not a minute later, the phone rings again:)

Caller: “I’m terribly sorry; I forgot to mention he traveled first class. I thought perhaps…”

Me: “Same arrival time, madam!”

A London House Business

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Extra Stupid, Geography

(A middle-aged lady walks in looking a little lost and is immediately greeted.)

Colleague: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Middle-Aged Lady: “Yes, can you please tell me if it is cheaper to fly into London or England?”

Colleague: “I’m sorry?” *thinking she had misheard the question*

Middle-Aged Lady: “Which is cheaper to fly into? London or England?”

Colleague: “Sorry, London is in England.”

Middle-Aged Lady: “Yes, I know, but which one is cheaper to fly into?”

Colleague: *confused about what to do* “London. It is cheaper to fly into London.”

Middle-Aged Lady: “And how much would it cost to fly business class?”

Colleague: “Depending on the time of year and airline, maybe around $8000.”

Middle-Aged Lady: “$8000?! You can buy a house for that price!”

(She then stalks out of the office muttering under her breath about ridiculous prices.)

Colleague: *turning to me* “What just happened?”

Me: “I literally have no idea, but I’d love to see that $8000 house!”

TARDIS Rental Services

| Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Math & Science, Money, Transportation

(I work in a travel agency and we handle a lot of rental car bookings. Note: if you book a car early, and want to change something about the booking, the rate for the car will change. This exchange takes place with a customer who has booked a car about three months prior:)

Customer: “I’d like to change my booking to pick the car up a day earlier.”

Me: “I’d be happy to take care of that.” *pulls up new booking info* “Your new rate is going to be  [several hundred dollars more].”

Customer: “For that much, I could just go buy a car. The new rate is supposed to only be $30 dollars more for an extra day.”

Me: “That’s not how it works. You booked this three months ago and that rate isn’t available anymore. That extra day rate is if you return it a day later, not if you pick it up a day earlier.”

Customer: “Can’t you just go back to then and re-book it for me?”

Me: “You want me to travel back to March and book this for you again?”

Customer:“Yes.”

Me: “I can’t travel through time to re-book this for you. I’m sorry. If you want to change it—”

Customer: “—well never mind. I’ll just take care of it myself.” *storms out of the office*

Marrying Together Archaic Ideas

| Australia | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

(I have a long-time repeat client, old but quite nice. As I am finishing up going through the paperwork and vouchers for his identical biannual holiday with his wife, I inform him I won’t be able to assist with his next trip as I’d be on maternity leave but I’ll pass his file over to my manager and she’ll be quite happy to assist.)

Client: *blank look* “But you’re not… married.”

Me: “Well… no…?”

Client: “How can you be going on maternity leave, then?”

Me: “Because I’m having a baby?”

Client: But you’re not MARRIED?!”

Me: “Uh, I know, but I appear to be pregnant and as I am having a child I need maternity leave…”

Client: “BUT. YOU’RE. NOT. MARRIED. How can you be PREGNANT?”

(Every week for the next seven months he came into my office, sat in front of me, and implored me to go and get married, to anyone – maybe that man over there? – because I needed to be married to have a child. Well, I have a child and I’m still not married. Occasionally he goes back into my old store and asks if I’m married yet.)

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