Our normal trash collection is on Friday unless a holiday falls on it which case it is picked up on Wednesday of that week. A lot of people forget this, so the city tries to send out as many reminders as they can. Since it’s a week where Friday is the 4th of July, I am taking the trash cans to the curb on Tuesday night. Our neighbors are outside at the time.

Neighbor: “Isn’t it a little early to be taking the trash out? You guys going on vacation or something?”

Me: “Pick up’s tomorrow since Friday is the 4th.”

Neighbor: “No, it’s not.”

Me: “Uh, it is. Friday is July 4th.”

Neighbor: “But pick up stays the same.”

Me: “They posted something on the city’s Facebook page reminding everyone whose trash is normal on Friday that it’s Wednesday this week.”

Neighbor: “Pretty sure you’re wrong.”

Me: “Well, if you’re right, then all I did was put my trash out two days too early, and it’ll be picked up on Friday… But, if I’m right and it does get picked up tomorrow and you don’t put your trash out, yours won’t get picked up again until next Friday.”

He doesn’t say anything, and I go back inside.

I did notice later when everyone else put their cans to the curb, he did too.

Trash did indeed get collected the following day.

I work at a landfill site (a little office shack) where trash trucks appointed by The City bring in trash every day. We don’t usually get calls from regular folk, but I got one today. I take the call on the loudspeaker as the three of us in the shack (coworker, manager, and I) were expecting a call from another worker, and we all needed to be on the call.

Caller: “Stop whatever you’re doing!”

Me: “What was that?”

Caller: “Your trash guys took one of my trash bags, but it was a mistake! It wasn’t supposed to be taken!”

Me: “I see. If you let me know when it was collected and your address, I can—”

Caller: “—I can’t tell you any of that! I just need to go there and go through the trash!”

Me: “I… I can’t allow that, sir.”

Caller: “You don’t understand! This bag! It had fifty thousand dollars in it!”

Everyone in the shack is listening in, now.

Me: “Fifty grand… cash?”

Caller: “Uh… of… uh…”

Me: “Or fifty grand of… product?”

Caller: “Yeah, let’s call it that.”

Me: “Oooookay, give me your number, and I’ll call you back.”

The caller gives me a number, and I hang up.

Me: “Ugh… we got a few bricks of cocaine in the system again, don’t we?”

Manager: “I’ll call the police and give them that number. You try to figure out which truck did that guy’s neighborhood and tell them to pull aside when they get here. [Coworker], where are you going?”

Coworker: “To the restroom, chill! I’m not about to go out into the landfill to search for cocaine.”

The police were called, and they told us to do what we could to identify the truck, but not to search through it. They sent some special guys (and dogs) out to go through the bags, and they found it within minutes. Just another Tuesday in trash collection…

I have two pieces of furniture that I want to throw away, so I looked online for disposals. My trash collection company’s website said they will haul one large piece per week with at least three days’ advance notice. Since my trash is picked up on Friday, I called first thing Monday morning. The employee’s tone implied that I was inconveniencing her for the entire call.

Employee: “[Trash Company].”

Me: “Hi, I have two pieces of furniture—”

Employee: “Address?”

Me: “It’s [My address].”

Employee: “We can only pick up one at a time so you’ll have to do two weeks.”

Me: “That’s fine. They’re—”

Employee: “What kind?

Me: “One three-seater couch and—”

Employee: “Does it recline, have any metal interior or electronic parts?”

Me: “No.”

Employee: “You’re sure?”

Me: “Yes, it’s a basic couch.”

Employee: “You’ll need to disassemble it for collection.”

Me: “Oh. I don’t have—”

Employee: “Yes, you have to cut it up or break it down. It doesn’t matter how; you just can’t put a whole couch in the truck.”

Me: “I don’t have any way of doing that. Your website didn’t—”

Employee: *Sigh.* “There is a $50 charge for whole furniture.”

Me: “Okay, can I pay that now?”

Employee: “It will be added to your next bill. Anything else?”

Me: “The second couch?”

Employee: “You can’t do two in one week.”

Me: “I know, you already said that. I—”

Employee: “You’ll need to put one out this week and one next week.”

Me: “I understand that. It’s—”

Employee: “You—”

Me: “Can you stop interrupting me?”

Silence.

Employee: “What is the second piece of furniture, ma’am?”

Me: “A reclining loveseat and yes, I will pay the extra $50 to load a second unbroken piece of furniture for the second week.”

Employee: “Fine. You’re on the schedule.”

She hung up.

I got the whole couch out the first week and apologized to the workers for not being able to break it down, explaining my conversation with the woman. They assured me it was no problem, not so subtly said that the person I spoke with is not good with customers, and even helped me get the second one out of the house and into the truck all in one day.

When my bill came, I only had one $50 charge for the first week’s collection because I didn’t have a couch out the second week!