The Bigger The Lie, The Higher They Fly

, , , , | Right | March 30, 2009

(The captain of our aircraft has stepped off to get some paperwork while customers are boarding. One passenger looks up front and turns to our flight attendant.)

Passenger: “Why is there only one pilot up there?”

Flight Attendant: “She is the first officer. The captain will be back in a bit.”

Passenger: “Can they fly the plane with only one pilot?”

Flight Attendant: “The other pilot will be back in a moment. He is taking care of some paperwork.”

Passenger: “Why are there two seats if there is only one pilot?”

Flight Attendant: *gives up* “Well, sir… actually, she is just setting up the airplane and telling it where to go. In a few moments, she’ll push the start button and leave. The plane will fly us all the way there with no pilot at all.”

Passenger: “Oh! That’s neat!” sits down, apparently satisfied*

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Priorities

, , | Right | August 6, 2008

(I work at the call centre for a major tollway which has two long tunnels. One day there is a major accident in the tunnel, with a fuel fire and multiple fatalities, obviously closing it. Twenty minutes later, I receive a call.)

Caller: “They are directing me off the tollway… There weren’t any signs about this.”

Me: “That’s right, there’s been a major accident in the tunnel. However, the police, ambulance, and fire service are all in attendance. The road is closed while they evacuate it.”

Caller: “But there are no signs about it! You always have signs when there’s a closure!”

Me: “If it’s a scheduled closure, we put signs up. Half an hour ago there was a major accident… I believe there has been a fatality. They are currently evacuating the tunnel and no one is able to drive through at the moment.”

Caller: “Half an hour? That means you should have signs up by now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, the maintenance crew who puts up the signs are assisting with the evacuation at the tunnel.”

Caller: “I don’t care about the accident. You should have signs!”

Me: “Tell that to the people trapped in the tunnel. Thanks for your call.”

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For The Money I Pay, It Should Drive Itself

, , | Right | November 15, 2007

Customer: “Hi, I have a Mercedes. How do I adjust my rearview mirror?”

Me: *not sure if she is serious* “Well, you must manually adjust your rearview mirror.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Umm… take your hand and move the mirror so you can see.”

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