Think Outside The Box But Not Too Far

, , , , , , , | Working | April 5, 2019

Our company decided, for some odd reason, to have a training conference. Part of the conference was a session where they were trying to get us to “think outside the box.”

The exercise we were given was to drop an egg from a six-foot height without breaking it, using only a small number of straws, some tape, and a few other pointless and useless things.

I asked for very specific instructions on what constituted success and was told that we had to drop the egg without having it splatter.

The first group tried dropping the egg into a net of straws and failed. The second group wrapped the egg in tape, with a tape loop sticking out, stuck taped-together straws through the egg’s loop, and successfully slid the egg down the straws. The third group simply taped the straws together with the egg at the bottom, held the egg over six feet of the ground — with the top of the taped-together straws over twelve feet of the ground — and successfully managed to catch the top of the straws before the egg splattered.

Our group dropped the egg into a nest of straws… and it didn’t break, because we had gone into the bathroom, poked a couple of tiny holes in it, and blew the insides out.

We were disqualified. The lesson we learned? [Company] wants you to think outside the box, but only in a proper, company-approved fashion.

Unfiltered Story #143671

, , , , | Unfiltered | March 15, 2019

(In the UK, before you are allowed to ride a motorcycle or moped (scooter) on the road as a learner you have to complete a one-day training course called Compulsory Basic Training (CBT) )

Me: “Good morning, *********, ***** speaking”

16 year-old: “Hi there can I book a CBT for Saturday please?”

Me: Yep, no problem, what’s your name?

16 year old: gives name

Me: (goes through whole spiel of how to find us, what to wear, how he can pay, what time to turn up, approximate time we would finish) “Don’t forget to bring both parts of your driving licence with you”

16 year old: “I need a driving licence??”

Me: “-”

(This has happened on more than one occasion!)

I Told You That In Confidence

, , , , , | Learning | November 28, 2018

(As part of our training for our job, we have to attend a workshop on communication and confidence. The trainer has asked us all to go round and say what we want to get out of the workshop, but for some reason, we are not allowed to repeat what anyone else has said. I am near the end of the group of people and am therefore struggling to think of what different thing I might want to take from the workshop. I also happen to have a very common name.)

Trainer: “And you?”

(I say the first thing that comes to mind.)

Me: “Uh. Okay. I would like to, uh, I guess, be able to address my colleagues with confidence and not come across as doubting what I’m thinking when, uh, presenting my ideas.”

Trainer: *smiling* “Ah, I see. A bit of lack of self-esteem.”

Me: “Uh, yeah.”

Trainer: “You’re not someone who thinks that your job application was accepted by mistake, or that it’s a case of mistaken identity?”

Me: “Well, it is possible, I guess, but I guess I wasn’t thinking—“

Trainer: “Really? How likely is it that they mixed up something as important as a job offer with someone with the same name as you?”

Me: “Er. Well, actually, in my year at high school, there were three of us with the same first name and second name. They tried to enter me for the wrong exam papers several times, gave me someone else’s report at least once, entered me as dyslexic for one of my papers, and then nearly didn’t give me my exam certificate because they assumed my name on the student list was a typo. Among other things. So, uh, if we’re going by my past experience, I’d say it’s not impossible that someone with my name applied and the paperwork was mixed up. But I never really considered it until you said it, and now I’m wondering about it.”

Trainer: *a little flustered, having clearly not realised how common my name is* “Right. Okay. I can see why you might think that. Erm, I’m sure that didn’t happen, though. Moving on…”

(Everyone joked later that I was the only person to come out of the training with LESS confidence than when I started.)

Unfiltered Story #123515

, , | Unfiltered | October 15, 2018

One part of my job was to email trainers with a link to a form that their employees need to fill out and send/fax them back for filing.
This is what happened on one particular day.

Through email:

Me:
Good morning Mr. ****
Please find enclosed in this email, a link to the form that your employees need to complete within the next 7 days and returned to ourselves via either mail or fax.

Kind regards
*****

Mr.****:
This isn’t right!

Me:
I’m sorry? What isn’t right?

Kind Regards
****

Mr.****:
You have sent me one copy of the form! I have 15 employees!

Me:
Yes Mr.****, because it is a link to a cop on the computer, you can print it off however many times you need to.
So in your case, you have 15 employees, so you should print this form off 15 times.

Kind Regards
****

He never replied, so I presume he worked it out.
How this guy got into management, I’ll never know!

Worst Time To Declare It

| Picardie , France | Learning | March 9, 2017

(I’m in a center that helps people undergoing a career move after an occupational disease or a work-related accident. The training courses are paid. An administrator explains how.)

Administrator: “The pay calculation is based on your most recent salary.”

Trainee: “But I was self-employed.”

Administrator: “In that case, it’s based on your contributions at [French Social Security Agency].”

Trainee: *shocked* “But I didn’t declare anything!”

(All the room had to laugh at the guy who admitted to fraud at a French government organisation.)

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