I drive passenger trains for a living. One day before departure, when I was leaving the driver compartment to fetch a cup of tea, an older female passenger stopped me.

Passenger: “Excuse me. Do we have to buy our tickets in advance, or can we do it on the train?”

Me: “On the train is fine as long as you can pay by card or [Mobile Application].”

Passenger: “Great. Can I pay now?”

Me: “No, sorry, I’m just the driver. My colleague will come by later after we depart.”

Passenger: “A female train driver? That’s so great! If I was younger, I would become a female train driver.”

She kept talking about how great it was for a few minutes but ended with:

Passenger: “I keep telling my grandchildren that they should become female train drivers.”

Passenger’s Grandson: “It doesn’t matter how much you say it, Grandma. I can’t be a female train driver.”

This is not my story, but I still think about it from time to time. My grandmother told me about it, and the main character is her sister.

[Sister] always slept in, and one morning, she was running to catch the train. Since it was a small train station out in the countryside, the train conductor knew this, so they always waited for her to catch up. Yes, the whole train waited — and became a few minutes late — for one person.

One time, [Sister] got so sick that she had to stay home, and she called in sick. The day after that, when she ran to catch the train in the morning, it did not wait for her, so she missed it. She hadn’t thought to tell the train she was sick, after all.

This begs the question, how long did they wait the day before? My grandmother didn’t know, and I still imagine that conductor patiently waiting for the late girl in the countryside to come running over the horizon.

I was riding a late-night train and a few meters away from me was a group of three drunken bums making all kinds of chaos.

The train stopped, and a woman with a rather large German Shepherd boarded. He was leashed and was wearing a muzzle. The pair quietly took a seat and the woman took out her phone.

One of the bums then made a LOUD whistle at the dog, causing him to turn his head and growl. The bums cracked up laughing, and the woman gave the dog a reassuring rub on the head.

Moments later, another one of them made a loud wolf howl, causing the dog to get up and snarl. The trio of bums cracked up laughing louder.

Saying nothing, the woman calmly removed the dog’s muzzle, unhooked his leash, and went back to playing on her phone.

That was when the bums got quiet. REALLY quiet.

Eventually, one of them said:

Bum: “We have to get off at this stop here. Do you mind?”

He gestured at the door beyond them and then at the unleashed dog, who was by now sitting smack in the middle of the aisle.

The woman did not look up from her phone.

Woman: “Well, get off, then! Why are you asking me?”

They ended up riding a good seven or eight stops past their destination until the woman finally got off with her dog.

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Me: “Hey, what’s the time?”

Friend: *Pulls out a smartphone* “[Time].”

Me: “Thanks. Hey, you’re wearing a watch, so why do you have to pull out your phone?”

Friend: “Ah, my watch doesn’t work.”

Me: “Then why are you wearing it?”

Friend: “My clients take me more seriously when they see that I am wearing an expensive watch, so I’ve gotten into the habit of wearing one.”

Me: “So, it’s essentially a bracelet.”

Friend: “Essentially. I’ve never used my watch for anything other than jewellery, anyway.”

I’m on a medium-distance train, which has an at-seat trolley service of drinks and light refreshments available to buy. It’s about half an hour before the man with the trolley reaches my carriage and shouts out his sales pitch.

Man: “Hot and cold drinks! Sandwiches and crisps! Sweets and cake! Anybody for hot and cold drinks? Sandwiches and crisps? Sweets and cake?”

Me: “Hi! Can I have a cup of tea?”

Man: “Sorry, the water heater’s broken; I’ve not got any tea or coffee.”

Me: “Okay, can I have a can of [Drink]?”

Man: “I’m afraid not. I ran out of canned and bottled drinks at [Stop about an hour earlier in the train’s journey].”

Me: “Oh, no drinks? Okay, what sandwiches have you got?”

Man: “They didn’t put any on at [Departure Station], so there’s none today.”

Me: “Right. Crisps?”

Man: “Sold out.”

Me: “[Chocolate Bar]?”

Man: “Nope.”

Me: “Do you actually have anything?“

Man: *Looking confused* “Uh, erm… no, the trolley’s a bit empty, I’m afraid.”

Me: *Being very British about things* “Righty-oh, never mind, then. Thanks.”

Man: *Back to being bright again* “You’re welcome! Have a good journey!”

Man: *Shouting* “Hot and cold drinks! Sandwiches and crisps! Sweets and cake! Anybody for hot and cold drinks? Sandwiches and crisps? Sweets and cake?”

He came by again twice before I got off the train.