He’s Got A Ticket To Hide

| Vienna, Austria | Friendly | August 31, 2015

(I have had strangers asking me for some spare change every single day when commuting. At first, I would always give some money I had to spare, but when people turned extremely rude and organised beggar-rings formed, I stopped doing so. I have a change of heart one day.)

Stranger: “Hey, you got some change? I only lack 60 cents for my train ticket. Only 60 cents, mister, please!”

(He is standing next to the ticket machines, so I give him the benefit of the doubt.)

Me: *hands him one Euro* “There you go…”

(I then go to a local bakery to grab a bite. When I return to the train station 15 minutes later, I see the same guy again, doing his spiel.)

Stranger: *walking up to random people* “Hey, man, I lack just 60 cents for my train ticket… You can spare 60 cents, can´t you?”

(He then sees me. His eyes are locked on me. I can see gears moving in his brain. Then, suddenly:)

Stranger: *to me* “Hey man, you can spare 60 cents. I need 60 cents for my train ticket. Please, I really need that ticket!”

Me: *speechless*

Causing A Butter-Face

| Dublin, Ireland | Friendly | June 20, 2015

(I commute on the trains everyday. I often notice a homeless man begging at one of the train stations. One very busy day I see a lady hand the homeless man a sandwich bought in the train station shop. He thanks her as she leaves, then opens the package to see what is in it and shouts:)

Homeless Man: “What?! No f***** butter?!”

The Oregon Fail, Part 3

| Germany | Right | March 5, 2015

(I am in Germany on a school trip. I have never been before, nor do I speak German. I am currently with two of my friends talking about going out to dinner on the train platform.)

(A middle-aged man hurries up to me.)

Man: “Guten tag!”

Me: “…guten tag.”

Man: *over enunciating* “Do. You. Speak. English?”

Me: “…yeah?”

Man: “Oh, thank god. Everyone’s so unhelpful around here! How do I get from [rattles off a number of places in quick succession].”

Me: “I’m sorry…”

Man: *cutting me off angrily* “I thought you said you spoke English!”

Me: “I do. I just don’t know any of those places.”

Man: “Why the h*** not?!”

Me:” I’m from Oregon…”

 

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A Long Time Saving For That Bus Ticket

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Friendly | December 24, 2014

(It is October. I’m heading home for Thanksgiving and have a four hour wait between trains.)

Man: “Excuse me, do you have any change?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Man: “See, I work on a farm and I need to get back. My bag was stolen and I’m $2 short for a bus ticket.”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t carry cash when I’m travelling.”

(Fast forward to December when I’m on my way home for winter break.)

Man: “Excuse me, do you have any change?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Man: “See, I work on a farm and I need to get back. My bag was stolen and I’m $2 short for a bus ticket.”

Me: “”Sorry, I don’t carry cash when I’m travelling.

(And again in February when I’m going home for reading week:)

Man: “Excuse me, do you have any change?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Man: “See, I work on a farm and I need to get back. My bag was stolen and I’m $2 short for a bus ticket.”

Me: “Buddy, you’ve told me the exact same story word for word twice in the past six months so I’m going to give you the same response I gave you last time word for word: Sorry, I don’t carry cash when I travel.”

(This happened every time I was in that train station for my four years of university regardless of time of year: always the same guy, always the same story word for word.)

Lost On The Train And In Translation

| England, UK | Right | September 24, 2014

(I work in the ticket office at a train station. One night a customer with very poor English comes up to me.)

Customer: “Cawidge.”

Me: “I’m sorry, where are you headed?”

Customer: “Cawidge.”

Me: “Cambridge?”

Customer: “No, I go Cawidge.”

Me: “Can you write that for me?” *I hand him a piece of paper and a pen.*

Customer: *shouts something in a foreign language to someone on the other side of the station, who comes running up.*

Customer’s Friend: “He go Cawidge.”

Me: “Yes, can you write that for me please?”

Customer’s Friend: “Uh… Cawidge. Brummum?”

Me: “Birmingham?”

Customer’s Friend: *excitedly* “Yeah, yeah! Brummum! Brummum Cawidge!”

*it suddenly clicks*

Me: “Oh, University of Birmingham?”

Customer: “Yeah, cawidge!”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be [price]. In future though, don’t ask for the College, ask for University of Birmingham. Okay?”

Customer: “Yew… nee… verse… Brummum!”

Me: “… Yeah, that’ll do.”

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