Beggars Belief How Rich They Are

, , , , , | Friendly | November 28, 2018

(I am a university student, and money is beyond tight. I am walking through the station, catching a train home for the holidays, when a beggar stops me, asking for money.)

Beggar: “Hey, you. I need money for a ticket; can you spare me a tenner?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have any coins on me.”

Beggar: “That’s okay; I can easily break a hundred for you.”

Me: “Then you have more money than me, so no. Goodbye.”

(She followed me, cursing at me all through the station, until I detoured past a couple of police officers walking by and slipped away.)

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They’re All Just Strolling By

, , , , , | Friendly | November 26, 2018

Since having a baby, I rarely go into the city centre alone these days, and after this instance I remember exactly why.

I was at the central train station, where there are several doors side by side to get outside. The doors open inwards. With my baby sitting happily in the stroller, I approached a set of doors leading outside and pushed the stroller slightly to the side so I could swing the door open.

I guess someone decided that opening one of the other doors was too much of a hassle since I was holding one open already, so they breezed past me outside. And after them another. And another. Until I was kind of stood there, slightly bewildered, with an unbroken stream of people marching out the door.

My baby in the stroller, on the other side of this stream of people, started to look increasingly panicked, with all these strangers suddenly between her and mummy. Not one person stopped and offered to hold the door so I could get to my daughter, or God forbid, get through the door with the stroller, too. I guess I could have just let go of the door and pushed my way through the stream of people, but I was honestly too shocked that this was happening to begin with.

I did learn a lesson, though: I now never let go of the d*** stroller when opening a door. Good luck pushing past me, then.

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He Can Take(r) A Hike

, , , , , | Working | November 21, 2018

(I buy a train ticket.)

Ticket Taker: “Do you need help getting the suitcase on the train?”

Me: “No, I’ve got it.”

Ticket Taker: “I’m going to laugh really hard at you when you fall on your face with it.”

Me: “Um, that’s not very nice of you.”

Ticket Taker: “I mean, when a gentleman offers you help, you take it. I don’t do that for just anyone.”

Me: *gets on the train just fine*

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Has Her Entitlement Trained On You

, , , , , | Right | August 13, 2018

(I am riding a train to Tennessee for a relative’s wedding. I just got off of a train and I am transferring to another one. My previous train was delayed, so I arrived four hours late. My next train is starting in a few minutes, so I take a ride on a cart to get there faster. Suddenly, an old lady approaches the driver.)

Lady: “Sir, could I please get on? My train leaves in two hours and I would like to be there early.”

Cart Driver: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this young man is already on, and with his luggage, the cart is too full to take another person.”

Lady: “I’m eighty f****** years old! I deserve the cart more than this man!”

Cart Driver: “His train leaves in a minute, ma’am.”

Lady: “Well, I’m old, so I have privileges!”

Cart Driver: “I’m afraid not, ma’am. Your train leaves in two hours. This man’s train is leaving very soon.”

Lady: *starts hitting the driver with her purse* “Who the h*** do you think you are?”

Cart Driver: “Ma’am, I will come back for you. Let me just take this man.”

(He drives away, and luckily, I make it to my train on time. Once I’m on, I see a younger woman approach the driver with the same old lady.)

Younger Woman: “How dare you not take my mother on?! You should be fired!”

Cart Driver: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

Younger Woman: “You should be! My mother and I have to make it to our train!”

(As the train left, I felt sorry for the poor guy.)

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His Argument Doesn’t Have A Broken Leg To Stand On

, , , , | Right | June 14, 2018

(My friend used to work as a guard on trains before the UK’s railways were privatised. This story takes place at King’s Cross Station. Because the doors on old “slam-door” trains could be opened while the train was still moving, a passenger is getting off the train while it is still moving, and he inevitably trips and falls flat on his face.)

Passenger: “Ow! My f****** leg!”

Friend: “Are you all right, sir? You had a nasty fall there.”

Passenger: “Get away! Now I’ll be late for my dinner!”

Friend: “I’m sorry, sir, but you shouldn’t step onto the platform until the train has completely stopped. Now, would you like some help?”

Passenger: “NO! Go do your job and make some more people late, why don’t you? That’s all you and your f****** Thatcher-cronies do all day!”

Friend: “Calm down, sir. I’ll get some help.”

Passenger: “No, you f****** idiot, just go away!”

Friend: “I can’t just leave you here on the platform.”

Passenger: “Oh, Jesus, let me be.”

Other Passenger: “It’s your own bloody fault you broke your leg; you’re making all of us late now! Let the guard get back in the train so we can get to where we want to go!”

(The troublesome passenger limped to the nearest bench on the platform and sat down. My friend thanked the other passenger for sticking up for him soon after.)

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