Completin’ Ain’t Cheatin’

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Uncategorized

(My coworker is showing a customer a series of trivia games. Each revolves around a different subject: science, geography, presidents, etc.)

Coworker: “They’re a really fun way to learn new things, and the wide variety gives you a lot of options.”

Customer: “But what if the kids memorize all the answers?”

Coworker: “…Mission accomplished?”

Customer: “Oh… oh! Yeah, of course…”

High-Strung At Heart

| UK | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

(I work in a toy store that sells a variety of products, aimed at all kinds and all ages. A teenage boy and his young brother come in, and are being quiet and behaving.)

Girly Voice: “I’M TIRRRREEED.”

(My back is turned to them, so I expect that they must have a young sister with them. Instead, I turn around to see a tall, pouting, blonde woman in 6-inch heels. Her boys call her “mum”, so it’s clear who she is.)

Mother: *flails arms and stamps her feet* “I’M BORED! I WANT TO SIT DOWN. MY FEET ARE TIRED! I’M HUNGRY. CAN WE GO NOW? HAVE YOU SPENT YOUR MONEY YET?! I’M GOING BECAUSE I’M BORED AND I’M TIRED—”

(I’m not the only one to notice her behavior; other customers are agog at this grown woman having a tantrum in a toy shop. While this is going on, an elderly woman at the till smiles at me sweetly.)

Elderly Woman: “Goodness, if that were my daughter, I’d give her a good slap!”

Me: “Even at her age?”

Elderly Woman: “ESPECIALLY at her age!”

Chide Should Go Before The Fall

| Israel | Family & Kids, Money, Wild & Unruly

(A kid is running around with a toy gun until he falls down and breaks it. His mother grabs it and approaches me.)

Mother: “I would like another one of this.”

Me: “No problem, but I need you to pay for the one you broke.”

Mother: “That’s insane! He broke it in your store! That means it’s your responsibility!”

(I point to a huge sign behind me that says, ‘You Break It, You Buy It.’ I have never seen anyone run that fast!)

Holy Smoky Mountains, Batman

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Family & Kids

(I’m working the register of a small toy store when a family walks in with a two-year-old boy in a stroller and his older brother (who’s about eight) walking alongside it. They walk past our new “Dark Knight Rises” merchandise.)

2-year-old Brother: *holds his arms out* “I WANNA BE BATMAN! I WANNA BE BATMAN!”

Me: *smiling* “We all want to be Batman.”

8-year-old Brother: “Batman’s real where I come from!”

Me: “Oh, are you from Gotham City?”

8-year-old Brother: “No, Tennessee!”

Musicery Loves Company

| Bethany Beach, DE, USA | Musical Mayhem

(I’m 17, and am working in a toy shop on the boardwalk. We play tropical and beach-themed music on speakers in the store promoting CDs we sell. This happens after I have already been working six hours listening to the same CD on repeat.)

Customer #1: “Oh cool! Are those steel drums in the song?”

Me: “Yes, they are. I like them too.”

Customer #1: “Do you sell this CD, or are you just playing it?”

Me: “We actually do sell it, as well as a few others. They’re on the counter next to the cash register if you’re interested.”

Customer #1: “Thanks!”

(The customer goes over to browse. In a few minutes, a sudden thunderstorm breaks, and the rain is so hard that none of the customers will leave the shop. Everyone, including the customer, has huddled near the door to watch the storm.)

Customer #1: “Geez, when do you think this rain is going to stop?”

Me: “I don’t know. These storms happen sometimes near the ocean, but they usually pass pretty quickly.”

(Two minutes pass in relative silence. The music is still playing.)

Customer #1: “Does this music play everyday?”

Me: “Yes, usually, unless another CD is used.”

Customer #1: “All day?”

Me: “Yep, it’s been playing since I came in this morning.”

Customer #1: *without warning* “IF THIS MUSIC DOES NOT STOP PLAYING, I WILL KILL MYSELF!!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer #1: “AAARGH!”

(Customer #1 runs out of the shop and down the boardwalk in the torrential rain, while the remaining customers and I stare at him.)

Customer #2: “I bet you feel like that about the music too.”

Me: *sighs* “Yep, pretty much…”

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