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Kids Say The Truthiest Things

, , , , , | Right | April 6, 2008

(Santa was visiting our store, and every kid got a small bag of candy. Then this happened…)

Santa: “Here you go, little boy!”

Kid: “Thank you, Santa!”

Mom: “Aren’t you forgetting anything?”

Kid: “What, mommy?”

Mom: “Ask Santa for another bag for your brother like I told you.” *looks at Santa* “He’s sick at home and couldn’t come.”

Santa: “No problem!” *reaches for another bag*

Kid: “But mommy, I don’t have a brother!”

Mom: “…”

Santa: *puts bag back*


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The Birds And The Bees Talk, Illustrated

, , , , | Right | February 17, 2008

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a Playboy for my son.”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, a Playboy to play with.”

Me: *trying very hard not to laugh* “You mean a Gameboy?”

Customer: “Yeah, that!”

(The customer suddenly realizes what she said.)

Customer: “OH!”

Let’s Hope The Covenant Hates Rock ‘n Roll

, , , , | Right | January 30, 2008

(It is around Christmas. To provide some context, we have a display for Guitar Hero 3 set up which, among other things, has a playable guitar, a big huge sign that says GUITAR HERO 3, and a display “case” that has the guitar from the game and the game set up to look real pretty.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m not sure what my son wanted, it was something 3… Hylo…”

Me:Halo 3?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s it! Do you have that?”

Me: “Sure, it’s just in the back. Let me go grab a copy.”

(After I go in the back and grab a copy…)

Customer: “Wait a minute, where’s the guitar? I want the one with the guitar.”

Me: “Uh… oh, you must’ve been looking for Guitar Hero 3! I don’t have the one bundled with the guitar right now, but if you already have the guitar you can buy just the game.”

Customer: “No, you do. It’s over here!”

Me: “Oh, really? Where’d you see it?”

(This is Christmas season; things can magically appear from nowhere at a moment’s notice, so I’m not surprised she said that. I follow the customer over, and she points to that clear display I mentioned earlier.)

Customer: “See? You DO have the guitar.”

Me: “No ma’am, that’s just our display just to show you what comes with the box when we have it.”

Customer: “But… I see the game, right here! It’s right here!”

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s just empty. It’s just all there to look nice.”

Customer, flustered: “What’s the difference between Halo 3 and Guitar Hero 3, exactly?”

Me, stammering: “Uh… in Halo 3, you shoot aliens, and in Guitar Hero 3, you play rock music.”

Customer: “Oh, he’d want Halo 3, then.”

Me: “Okay, let me go and get that copy for you I left in the back.”

(After grabbing it…)

Customer: “Where’s the guitar?”

(At this point, to spare the readers, I went through the ENTIRE conversation again.)

Customer: “But someone on the phone told us you had the Halo 3 Special Edition.”

Me: “Yes, we do. That’s this in my ha–”

Customer: “So, why aren’t you selling it to me? I want it with the guitar.”

Me: *stifling laughter* “Ma’am, look, I can’t really say it any clearer. We have Halo 3. Halo 3 is not played with a guitar. We do NOT have Guitar Hero 3. Guitar Hero 3 is played with a guitar.”

Customer: “Oh, for god’s sake. We drive all the way here and you people don’t even know what the f*** you’re talking about. I’m going to [Competitor].”

Me: “You do that, ma’am. Have a nice day!”


This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup!

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When Religions Collide

, , , | Right | December 25, 2007

(This is after we’re all done with our transaction. I’m half-Jewish, so I celebrate Hanukkah, which was currently going on.)

Me: “Have a great day, ma’am.”

Customer: “Merry Christmas!”

Me: *completely sincere* “And Happy Hanukkah to you!”

Customer: *flails her arms and screams happily* “No, it’s about Jesus! It’s Jesus’s birthday! You have to worship Jesus! It’s all about Jesus! Love Jesus!”

Next On Eyewitness News: The Jigsaw Puzzle Slave Trade

, , , | Right | December 4, 2007

(I work in an uppity part of town where are the e-shoppers come out of their yuppie caves to shop.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a question.”

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: *points at a popular movie puzzle with a picture of a child playing with said puzzle* “Is the kid on the box part of this puzzle?”

Me: “Um…what?”

Customer: “Well, if the kid is part of the puzzle, I don’t want it. He has nothing to do with this movie.”

(At this point I turned around and walked to the back room where she couldn’t get me.)