I am called to customer services to check out a supposedly faulty electronic toy. An elderly guy has been complaining to my colleague at the till that the toy is shoddy.

Customer: “I know bad quality items when I see them! I’m an electrical engineer!”

As I’m looking at the toy, the guy continues to give us grief.

Customer: “How can you sell such low-quality products? You’ve ruined my day by making me have to come down to the store!”

Me: “Sir, it seems that you’ve put in the AA batteries the wrong way round.”

Customer: *Becoming more irate but clearly embarrassed* “It definitely wasn’t working before!”

Still, he leaves with the item. A couple of hours later, my colleague in customer services receives a phone call from the man and can hear a woman’s voice in the background.

Customer’s Wife: “Go on, apologize to the poor girl!”

This is followed by a reluctant apology, and even better, she next says:

Customer’s Wife: “And tell her you’re not an engineer, either!”

I used to work at a toy store where customers could come in, put stuffing in an animal, put clothes on it, and name it.

A couple of years before this story, the company started offering a birthday promotion where parents could bring their young children in, and however old the child was turning would be the price of their animal, e.g., six years old = $6.

Close to the holidays, pre-health crisis, I answered the phone on a busy Saturday. The woman on the other end told me she was pregnant and due very soon, and she wanted to know if she could bring her children in for their birthdays before she wouldn’t be able to. Corporate was very generous with the policy, so I let her know she could, and she said they would be in later.

A few hours after, we had a lull in the crowds. In came a very pregnant woman, her husband, and three rambunctious boys, all under the age of six. I recognized her as the woman I had spoken to and welcomed them in. She told me that her three boys, turning six, four, and three, all had their birthdays within the next two weeks and she was due during that time. Since I had the time — and as a manager, rarely had the opportunity to help with stuffing — I grabbed the animals for her kids and began helping.

I don’t remember the entire stuffing process, but after we had stuffed them and put the hearts in, the boys wanted to pick their clothes while I stitched. I asked for a high-five from each of them. The six-year-old gave me one, and so did the four-year-old. And here comes the reason for this story.

With his two older brothers running away with their dad and their mom sitting down, the three-year-old must have felt like now was his opportunity to get away with something wild. My hand was held up for a high-five from him. In what felt like slow motion, he grabbed my wrist in his hand, pulled it to his face, and LICKED the palm of my hand from wrist to fingertip.

Before I could even react, he ran to his brothers and dad. I looked to see if his mom had seen what happened. She was horrified.

Mom: “Did he just lick you?!”

Working with kids — and customers — I laughed it off and assured her it was fine. Using my slobbery hand as little as possible, I closed up the animals and then ran to scrub my entire arm clean.

Honestly, I would rather this happen than have them cough or sneeze directly in my face. It just happened so fast; I couldn’t help but laugh.

I worked in a newly opened store many years ago. For argument’s sake, let’s say we were a toy superstore. In the same town was a shop selling cheap, off-brand toys. The owner of that shop was never very well-liked by most customers but had had a monopoly for a long time.

Once we opened, people realised they had another choice, and after about half a year, the smaller store closed down. Sad, but the owner had been nearing retirement anyway, and the building sold for a lot of money because it was in a valuable spot.

The section of the store I worked in was the furthest from the doors and tended to be the least populated. Two teenage boys figured this out, and after the other store closed, they would come to my section and talk loudly about how megastores kept pushing out smaller store owners and what a shame it was, and how embarrassed they would be to work somewhere like this! I didn’t interact with them much, but I did let my manager know once it was obvious that they were going to keep doing it.

One day, they came up to the counter, did their usual routine, and then noted that I looked stressed. I agreed that I was and that annoying customers did that to me. Note that I did not say that they were annoying, just that annoying customers stressed me out. They knew what I meant, though, and demanded to see my manager. I happily called her and absented myself from the conversation.

Another coworker told me that [Manager] absolutely decimated them. She told them she knew they’d been abusing her staff for weeks, how dare they accuse us, that she’d be well within her rights to ban them. She made them apologise to me. I literally walked out, listened to the apology, said, “Fine,” and walked away again.

They have been in the store since, but they don’t approach me, and they haven’t been saying anything to anyone else, either!

When I was at university, I took a Woman’s Studies course. We had a paper to write about gender differences within the toy industry and early childhood development.

My childhood dream of spending three and a half hours in a toy store was way less fun when I realized it as an adult.

For our paper, we had to go to a toy store and make a detailed map of the entire store  — which sections were next to which other sections, etc. Then, we had to go and find two items in each section and rate them on four different criteria. Finally, we had to go and ask a store employee to give advice on what toy we should get for a fictional four-year-old boy/girl.

I went to a now bankrupt big box toy store. I had a clipboard, and I first went around and made a detailed map of the store. Then, I went back and created my itemized list and started categorizing two toys per section in each of the four criteria. As you can imagine, this took quite a while.

Occasionally, as I was doing my task, people would ask me questions. Since I had just made a map, I was able to answer quite a few of their questions.

Me: “The stuffed animals, ma’am? That’s aisle four, right next to the doll houses.”

Me: “You’re looking for a microscope? That would be in educational toys in the far right corner of the store, next to the grow-your-own crystal set.”

One customer asked:

Customer: “Where are the tricycles? And the bicycles?”

I promptly told them the difference between each section. They went to look and came back.

Customer: “Can you get me a different color from the back?”

Me: “Oh, I don’t actually work here. I’m just a student doing a project.”

They rolled their eyes and left in a huff, and I could tell that they thought I was just a lazy employee with a clipboard.

Customer: “This scooter I got from you guys is broken!”

Me: “How is it broken, ma’am?”

Customer: “No matter how hard I try, the handlebars always turn. This is a safety risk because my kid could ride into the curb or something!”

Me: “The handlebars are supposed to turn. That’s how the scooter… well… turns.”

Customer: “Not acceptable! I’m returning it!”

She returned the scooter and then went looking for another scooter that wasn’t “broken.” I’m assuming that she was very disappointed.