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Please, Take A Cut Of My Cheese

, , , | Right | January 20, 2010

Customer: *completely stoned* “Hey, what’s your cheapest thing in the store?”

Me: “That’d probably be these miniature whoopee cushions. They’re a dollar apiece. There are three on the shelf behind you.”

Customer: “I’ll take all of them!”

(As I’m finishing the transaction, a mother comes in with a young boy in tow.)

Customer: “Hey, guys! Look what I just got!” *shows them the whoopee cushions*

Mother: *obviously uncomfortable* “Um… that’s very… nice, I guess?”

Customer: “Do you want one?”

Mother: “Oh, no; no, thank you. We were just–”

Customer: “C’mon, I have three of them! What do I need three for?”

(He shoved a whoopee cushion into the mother’s hands and wandered off happily.)

Talk The Talk, Balk The Walk

, , , , , , | Right | January 13, 2010

(The customer has two daughters, each with their own set of clothes for their toys.)

Customer: *to one daughter* “Since your shoes match her purse, you girls can share the two between you.”

Me: *to the same daughter* “Oh, what a good idea! Do you always share with your sister?”

Daughter: “Yeah, Mom says, ‘Sharing is caring.'”

Me: *to the customer* “Ma’am, your total is [price]. Would you like to donate a dollar to our charity?”

Customer: “No, thanks, I’ve spent enough of my money today!”


This story is part of our Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

Read the next Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup story!

Read the Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

Over(bear)ing Demand

, , , , | Right | December 9, 2009

(A customer in his late 20s walks into the store looking confused.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “My niece is asking for something. I don’t know if it exists or not, but she asked for a rainbow-colored bear that smells like fruit.”

Me: “Actually, sir, I know exactly what you are talking about.”

(I lead him to the girls’ section where there is a new toy bear in stock. It’s multicolored and is scented like bubble gum.)

Me: “Here you go, sir!”

Customer: “Oh, is this all you have?”

Me: “Well, there are other bears but this is the only scented one.”

Customer: “I’m just not sure this is it.”

Me: “I can assure you, sir, this is the only rainbow-colored and fruit-scented bear toy in the entire store.”


This story is part of our Rainbow roundup!

Read the next Rainbow roundup story!

Read the Rainbow roundup!

We Live In That Kind Of Sue-ciety

, , | Right | September 8, 2009

Me: “Hello, did you find what you wanted today?”

Customer: “Kind of. I would like to purchase this toy but there’s a problem.”

Me: “And what is that?”

Customer: “This toy doesn’t come with the manual.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, but most things sold here do not come with the manual. This is a second-hand store.”

Customer: “I understand that, but you obviously do not understand what I’m saying to you. I need the manual before I can buy this.”

Me: “And why is that, sir?”

Customer: “If this toy bursts into flames, how am I going to know who to sue?”

A Wii Bit Of Borderline Arrogance

, , , , , , | Right | August 18, 2009

Customer: “Do you have any Wiis?”

Me: “No, sir, Wiis are all sold out.”

(Customer pulls out a badge and flashes it briefly.)

Customer: “You sure you don’t have any Wiis?”

Me: “No, sir, no Wiis. What exactly was that badge?”

Customer: “Border Patrol.”

(This being New Hampshire, I have to ask:)

Me: “Which border?”

Customer: “Canadian.”

(Customer walks away with a self-important air.)