(I usually work the electronics department, but I’ve stepped into the main toy section to show a customer where an item is located. Another customer gets my attention.)

Customer: “Can you tell me where [line of dolls] are?”

Me: “I’m not familiar with those dolls, but if we do carry them, they’ll be in [aisle numbers].”

Customer: “Well, the other girl said that you don’t have them!”

Me: “We probably don’t, then. It’s been a very busy morning and we’re sold out of a lot of popular items.”

Customer: “Can’t you look it up on that doodad of yours?”

(The customer gestures at the set of keys in my hand, which have a large black magnetic key attached to them.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid I don’t have my handheld scanner, but if you give me a moment I can go to the electronics department—”

Customer: “No, that doodad in your hand!”

Me: *as gently as possible* “Ma’am, these are my keys, not my handheld.”

Customer: “I have had it with this store! This is the worst customer service! I will inform your manager that you refused to serve me!”

(Later, my manager drops by.)

Manager: “Did you try to help a very grumpy old woman?”

Me: “Yeah, and she was mad that I couldn’t use my keys to look up an item.”

Manager: “I’m not surprised. She complained about you, and then wanted me to help her find a doll in an ad. I pointed out that it was an ad for a competitor and that the doll was marked as that [Competitor]’s exclusive item. She told me she’d just come from there and they didn’t have any more, so what was I going to do about it? I told her nothing, since we’re not [Competitor]. Last I saw she was leaving her cart and walking out of the store complaining about how employees these days have no sense of what customer service really means.”

(It’s nearly closing time, when a mother comes in with her son, who looks to be about two or three.)

Boy: “I want a dolly! Look mummy!” *takes doll off shelf*

Mother: “No, that’s for girls. Let’s go look at the Lego.”

Boy: *points at box of pink Lego* “This one, mummy! Please!”

Mother: “You can’t have pink, that’s a girl’s colour.”

Boy: “I get horsey?” *points at pink toy horse*

Me: “I love horseys. That seems like a great idea. It’s always lovely to see a handsome young man like you who likes pink horseys. Is that okay with you, Ma’am?”

Mother: “You’re trying to turn my son gay!”

Me: “I can assure you that I am not attempting anything like that.”

(I walk away to allow the mother to pick out a ‘suitable’ toy for her son. They walk up to the cash desk with a toy car set, but the boy is crying.)

Me: “That’ll be £23, please.”

Boy: “Want horsey!”

Me: “Since you’re such a cutie, how about a free horsey?”

(I took a cheap pink horse from a shelf and handed it to him.)

(I have to make an emergency vet appointment for my ferret, and as I don’t drive I am waiting for my mother to pick me up to take me there. As I’m waiting, I get a call from work.)

Manager #1: “Hi, [My Name]. I just had someone call in sick. Would you be able to cover for them today?”

Me: “Sorry, no; I have to take my ferret to the vet.”

Manager #1: “All right. Thanks anyway.”

(She hangs up. The rest is related to me when I come in a couple days later.)

Manager #1: “[My Name] can’t come in. She said she had to take her parents to the vet.”

Manager #2: “… You mean her ferret?”

Manager #1: “You know, that would make a lot more sense.”

(I’ve been told I am extremely scary looking, but I am very kind, especially towards children. My girlfriend has a habit of teasing me for looking so scary. A small child enters the store with her mother. I notice the girl holding a teddy bear and don’t comment on it. My girlfriend is the cashier.)

Mother: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yeah? Can I help you?”

Mother: “How dare you!”

Me: “… Pardon?”

Mother: “How dare you treat me like a lesser being?!”

Me: “I literally said ‘can I help you.’ I work here. It’s my JOB to, y’know, help people.”

(The mother huffs and hurries off, leaving the girl behind, who was looking at some toys. She panics once she sees her mother is gone.)

Girl: “Mommy? Where are you?”

Me: “Aw, h***. Yo, kitten!”

Girlfriend: “Yeah?”

Me: “Can you get [Coworker]? Dude should be in the back. Tell him to find the kid’s mother.”

(I explain how the mother looked. She nods and hurries off. The coworker quickly walks past us with a calm smile. He’s one of my best friends and the only time he snaps is when people are being idiots.)

Me: “Hey, kid. You want a cookie or something?”

Girl: “Mommy says I shouldn’t take things from strangers.”

Me: “Fair point. Come on. Let’s look around, shall we?”

(I show my hand with a calm smile. She carefully grabs it. I now notice she dropped her teddy bear.)

Me: “Hey… Where’s your teddy?”

Girl: “Huh? Oh, no!”

(She looks panicked. I quickly find it and hand it back to her with a calm smile. She quickly hugs it.)

Girl: “You’re scary… but nice.”

Me: “Yeah, so I hear…”

(The coworker from earlier now comes along with the mother, who is screaming
loudly.)

Mother: “How dare you assault my child! You sick f***! I’ll have your a** sued!”

Me: “For what? For leaving your daughter behind?”

Mother: “I’ll have your a** sued! I’m a lawyer!”

Girl: “Mom, you’re a waitress…”

Me: “Hi, ma’am. Welcome to [Toy Store]. Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yeah. Do you guys still sell Advent calendars here?”

(It’s December 10th, halfway through Advent.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. We’ve been out of Advent calendars since mid-November. We didn’t even have any for Black Friday, unfortunately.”

Customer: “So you don’t have any?”

Me: “No. But we do them every year, so there’s already next year.”

Customer: “Ah, shoot. I was really looking forward to getting one for the kids.”

Me: “Yeah. With something like that I always recommend getting them as early as possible. Definitely before December.”

Customer: “When is the next time you’ll be getting them in?”

Me: “Next September.”