(The phone rings:)

Me: “Good morning; [Store].”

Customer: “Someone gave me a gift. It was bought in your store on March 2nd at 12:39. Who bought it for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Someone bought me something from your store on March 2nd at 12:39. I want to know who bought it for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no way I can tell you that. Our system isn’t computerized.”

Customer: “One of my coworkers bought me a color-your-stress coloring book, and I want to know who bought it for me!”

(I finally convinced her that I had no way to give her that information, but she was still upset about getting a coloring book!)

(A typical incident from my childhood. This is in the early 90s. I’m about nine or ten at most.)

Mom: “Okay, [My Name], if you behave yourself all this week, keep all your things neat, do your homework, don’t bring any complaints from school, and stay quiet at home and don’t bother us, I’ll buy you any toy you want from that toy store you’ve been asking to go to.”

Me: “Really? You’ll let me get any toy I want?”

Mom: “Yes, I promise you can pick any toy you want.”

Me: “Okay! I promise I’ll behave!”

(I behave myself, make extra effort to be neat, do my homework, and stay extra quiet at home, as well as at school, so as not to draw trouble from bullies that sometimes results in me being blamed by teachers. At the end of the week, Mom takes me to the toy store.)

Mom: “Okay, pick the toy you want.”

(I see a packaged set of three very cute doll toys, one of those where they’re the same appearance and everything, but graduated sizes; one is maybe twelve inches tall, the second nine inches, and the third, six.)

Me: “Oh, those look so awesome! I want that doll set, Mom!”

Mom: “Hmm, let’s see…” *checks the price* “Oh, you know, [My Name], I don’t think so; that’s a bit expensive…”

(It’s 20 shekels; about $5.50.)

Mom: “Oh, look here! Here’s another set of dolls! It’s almost exactly the same! And it’s only fifteen shekels! Let’s get you this, instead!”

(This other set has only two dolls in it, and what’s more, it’s quite obvious to me even at that age that these dolls are of significantly poorer quality; they’re uglier and much more rough-looking in shape, color, hair, clothes, joint articulation, etc.)

Me: “No! I want the three-doll set! This one is ugly and only has two dolls!”

Mom: “But [My Name], they’re nearly the same exact thing, really! And they’re so much cheaper! We’ll get these ones.”

Me: “No! I want the three-doll set that I picked! You promised that I could pick any toy I wanted!”

Mom: “Really, [My Name], calm down right now! Stop misbehaving! I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such a troublesome child! You have to be sensible! I just don’t have the money to waste on useless nonsense like expensive toys for you!”

Me: “But I want that set! You promised I could get the toy I wanted! That’s the one I want! I don’t want that other ugly one!”

Mom: “I don’t care what you think I promised! Just shut the hell up already and stop embarrassing me! I’m buying this one and that’s final! You’re going to play with these dolls and like them!”

(She angrily grabbed the package off the shelf and went to pay, all while forcefully dragging me along by the hand. I was tearing up, on the verge of crying, but she glared at me threateningly, clearly promising that if I made any more of a scene there would be dire consequences. I was extremely upset and disappointed. The two-doll set turned out to be just as ugly and poorly made as it looked in the package. I listlessly “played around” with them once and then abandoned them. Then, in the future, this was used by my mom as further ammunition against me in arguments; she would bring up toys like that set to claim that ANY toy purchases for me were an empty waste of money, since I immediately abandoned them, and that I was clearly a poorly-behaved, tantrum-throwing child due to incidents like what happened in that toy store, so I didn’t deserve any new toys, anyway.)

(A woman calls the store with a question about a return.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Woman: “Yes, I was just wondering if I could bring an item in for return without the receipt?”

Me: “We accept most things for return without a receipt for store credit, but what’s the item?”

Woman: “Well, my little boy came to the store the other day with his grandma and he picked out a girl’s toy. Despite my telling his grandmother not to let him buy things like that, she let him, anyway. And he ripped into the box before I could take it away from him, so it’s slightly ripped on the corner. I wasn’t sure if I could still return it since the packaging is damaged and I don’t have the receipt. Really, I just want to exchange it for an appropriate toy for a boy. Can I do that? “

Me: *slightly taken aback* “Uh, yeah, that should be fine.”

Woman: “Great! I’ll be in soon!”

(I end the call, shake my head in wonder, and go on with my day. A few hours later, the woman comes in to return the item, which for the record IS a popular, girly, pink toy, but it’s one that I’ve seen both girls and boys buy.)

Woman: “Were you the lady I talked to on the phone earlier?”

Me: “I believe so. You wanted to return this for store credit, right?”

Woman: “Uh, no. I want cash back for it.”

Me: “Oh. Err, I might be able to look up the transaction. Did you pay with [various methods of payment]?”

Woman: “No, it wasn’t me that bought it, remember? It was his grandmother. Also, it was his birthday money, so it would have been cash. But I know what time and day they came here; is that enough to go by?”

(It is, though it takes a long time and I have other customers, so a coworker comes over to help. The entire time my coworker is looking for the transaction, the woman is talking.)

Woman: “It’s hilarious that he keeps getting this stuff. He’s only in second grade, but keeps choosing these pink and purple girl’s toys no matter what I do! His grandmother is no help; in fact, she encourages it! The only thing I can think of is that he’s trying to impress the girls at school, and we just can’t have that, now, can we?”

(My coworker eventually found the woman’s receipt and returned the item. When everything was finally done, she ended up buying a cheap black and blue toy monster truck, making sure to mention how much more he’d like that toy than the silly pink one. I feel sorry for the poor kid.)

This story is part of our International Women’s Day roundup!

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(I am talking to my boss when a woman says this to one of my coworkers:)

Women: “Hi, this might sound a bit crazy, but you may want to get an officer down here. There is a suspicious container on the street and I’m concerned it may be meth.”

(My coworker relays this to my boss — the owner — and me.)

Boss: “Yeah, we don’t deal with that. You–” *meaning me/senior staff* “–should call the police.”

(I call the dispatch.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] at [Store]. We had a woman report a suspicious container that she is concerned might be meth, so we thought we would call it in.”

Dispatcher: “Yes, I’ll send an officer right down. I need your full name for the report.”

(I begrudgingly give him my whole name, meaning that this whole thing is attached to my name in their system. An officer comes down a few minutes later and I meet him at the back by the container.)

Officer: “This it?”

Me: “Yeah…”

Officer: *picks it up* “If this is meth they suck at it…” *opens and sniffs it* “This is duck sauce; I’m going to throw it away.”

Me: “Okay… Sorry… Thanks…”

(There is a police report with my name that says I reported suspicious duck sauce. Thanks, random lady.)

(I am working in the electronics section of the toy store. A little kid is playing the video games we have out to demo. We assume that a man that is also in this section is his father. The man comes up to the register to buy his items.)

Child: “GOD F****** D*** IT!”

(My coworker and I look at each other, shocked at his language.)

Coworker: “Sir, is that your child?”

Customer: “That isn’t my kid. If he was, I would drag him out of the store.”

Me: *walks up to the child* “Are your parents in the store?”

Child: “My mom knows where I am.”

Me: “That’s good, but are your parents in the store? We don’t allow parents to leave their children alone in different departments; may I ask your mother’s name?”

(After having to talk to the rude child, I finally get the mother’s name. We call her to our department and she storms over as fast as she can, annoyed that we won’t let her leave her child in our department alone. My manager also comes down to the department, knowing there will probably be an angry mother yelling at us.)

Mother: “I don’t understand what the big deal is; he’s here playing video games like I told him to!”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but we had no way of knowing this, and our store policy states that you cannot leave your kid alone in our store; he has to be with his parent. Plus, your child was swearing in our store around other children. We had no way of knowing if you had just left him in our store and walked around the mall, or if you had just abandoned him here.”

Mother: “Where does it say that? I think you just made it up so you wouldn’t have to look after my child in this department.”

Manager: “We have signs set up at every entrance, and we have signs set up all throughout the store. You are standing right beside one. I am sorry, ma’am, but my employees are not your personal babysitters. If it were me instead of [My Name], I would have called someone to report an abandoned child, which is what we are supposed to do in an event like this.”

Mother: “That’s a pile of horses***! My child is staying here, and I am continuing my shopping.”

(The mother then proceeds to turn around to continue her shopping.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, miss, but you are ignoring our store policy, and leaving your child unattended. If you do not take your child with you, then we have no choice but to assume you are abandoning your child, so you can either take your child with you as you continue shopping, or you and your child can leave our store and you will not be welcome back.”

(The mother ignored my manager and left her child in the electronics section. We actually had to call someone because she left our store and was gone for more than two hours walking through other stores in the mall. We never saw her or her child in our store again.)