No JD For This DJ

, , , , , , | Working | January 12, 2018

(We are at a local town hall for a New Year’s party. The DJ comes in and starts to get all set up. He looks and acts frustrated. From the sounds of it this was a last minute thing his boss tossed his way. He grumbles and groans but gets set up fairly quickly. He grabs the mic.)

DJ: “Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3. Everyone hear me?”

(We cheer and holler.)

DJ: “Okay, folks, let’s get this party started; the more you drink the more fun we have!”

(There was dead silence. One of the party coordinators ran up to him and whispered something to let him know that this was an Alcoholics Anonymous party. There was no alcohol. The DJ did apologize, and then ran outside, cell phone in hand. Those near the door could hear him yelling at someone on the phone for not telling him it was an AA party. The rest of the night went smoothly and we all had fun.)

Highly Rigged

, , , , | Working | September 18, 2017

(It is about one week before a presidential election. One of the candidates has been insisting that the election is rigged throughout the past month or two. I work in a department which shares office space with another department in control of elections for the town. I have been asked to help test the ballot machines. We fill out sample ballots randomly, run them through the machines, and make sure each machine comes up with the correct totals for each candidate. Upon re-entering the office, I see a coworker who has started her shift while I was gone.)

Coworker: “Hello, ladies! Where have you been?”

Me: “Oh, just rigging elections.”

Coworker: “…”

Me: “Did I say that out loud?”

Coworker: *bursts out laughing*

Me: “No, but really, just testing the ballot machines. [Third Party Presidential Candidate] won, [Incumbent State Senator For Many Terms] lost, and [Unpopular Sheriff Candidate] won. But the marijuana question passed, so the voters were all high anyways.”

Unfiltered Story #92748

, , | Unfiltered | August 30, 2017

I don’t particularly like talking on phones. Due to the demands of my job, I’ve gotten much better, but I still occasionally slip up my words.

*on phone*

Me: Collector’s Office, can I help you?

Customer: *asks for something outside of my jurisdiction.*

Me: Okay, one moment please, let me go get my mom.

I had meant to say either supervisor or manager, but mom slipped out. Thankfully, the customer wasn’t paying attention and therefore did not notice my mistake. This was about 2 years ago. My mother and my manager (who is one year older than my mother and has children my age) both still laugh about it to this day.