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Just Like The Waterfall, It’s All Downhill From Here

, , , , | Right | May 6, 2021

Our gift store has wall-to-wall windows. You also have to walk past Niagara Falls (the actual waterfall) to get into the store. I am stocking the shelves when a lady approaches me. Judging by her accent she is likely from the States.

Tourist: “Excuse me, where is the waterfall?”

I am standing with my back to the windows, from which you can clearly see the falls.

Me: *Surprised but polite* “Just outside, ma’am.”

Tourist: “No, the Canadian one.”

I’m taken aback and not sure what she means. I assume she wants to know which is which, so I clarify.

Me: “The Canadian one is called the Horseshoe falls and is shaped in a curve, just next to the American-owned half.”

Tourist: “But where is it? Can I only look at the Canadian one?”

Me: “Just go straight out the doors, ma’am.”

Tourist: “Can you show me?”

Me: “Ma’am, unfortunately, I cannot leave the store. But the doors are just behind me.”

Tourist: “Well, you’re useless!”

She stormed out and left me absolutely confused.

Out Of Art, Air, Space, History, And Industry, Which Is The Main One?

, , , , | Right | April 30, 2021

There are several Smithsonian museums in the area.

Tourist: “Where’s the main Smithsonian gift shop?”

I explain that each museum has a gift shop that highlights the items in that building.

Tourist: “But where’s the main one?”

I give the same explanation but simpler.

Tourist: “But where’s the main one?”

Tourist’s Son: “Dad, aren’t you listening?”

Do They Do That With ALL Traffic Signs?

, , , , | Right | April 30, 2021

Tourist: “When the sign says, ‘No Parking,’ do they mean it?”

When We Say Tonight We Meant “A” Night

, , , , , | Right | April 30, 2021

It’s our first time in the US, and my fiancé and I, both Swedish, see that they are selling tickets for the Tonight Show. We happily approach the ticket booth.

Me: “Two tickets for tomorrow, please.”

The ticket booth lady just stares at me.

Me: “Or are you sold out? It says on your screen that you are selling tickets for [Show].”

Ticket Booth Lady: “In May. The show is in May.”

Me: “2019-12-05, that’s December. Oh! Right, you guys write it in the wrong way!”

The look I got from the lady was NOT a kind one.

Priorities, Priorities

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 28, 2021

My friend and I, both in our early twenties and from the rural countryside, have decided to visit London. We’re walking down a residential road past a community centre around 1:00 pm, thinking about food, when a tall man who is at least twice our age appears and speaks with an accent I don’t recognize.

Man: “We’re having a barbecue! Do you want to have some?”

My friend and I look at each other and exchange some non-verbal communication.

Me: *To the man* “Yeah, all right!”

Man: “Fantastic! Follow me!”

We follow the man down an overgrown side road, round some twisty corners, and through a tunnel.

Friend: *Casually to me* “This would be a really good place to murder someone.”

Me: *Giving her a side-eye* “Why do you say that? Now I’m wondering whether there is food at the end of this.”

We round one last corner and there’s a large group having a barbecue. The man ushers us in and gets us sorted with food. This woman about our age comes over and speaks with a London accent.

Woman: “You two have no self-preservation!”

Friend: “But we do have free food!”