For a short time, I worked in a call centre that dealt with the insurance perks for a large bank account. One perk was travel insurance. As any call centre agent will tell you, I had a script to follow. Especially when it came to setting up insurance cover, we had to know specifics.

This particular call was dealing with travel insurance, so we had to know if it was a business trip, how many people were going, all that jazz. This call came from a very gruff Scottish-sounding man, and coincidentally, this was around the time my sanity was depleted, and I was ready to quit.

Me: “Good afternoon, [Bank Insurance Name], you’re through to [My Name], can I take your account number, please?”

Angry Scot: *Sighs.* “It’s [number]. Now hurry up and help me, I’ve been on hold for nearly half an hour!”

Me: “I apologise for your wait, sir. I’ll move through this as quickly as I can. Can you please just confirm your first name, surname, and date of birth?”

Angry Scot: *Exaggerated sigh.* “I want travel insurance for my holiday.”

Me: “No problem, we can do that for you. I just need you to confirm your account details so we can move forward.”

Angry Scot: “It’s [Name]. Birthday is [date].”

Me: “Thank you for that. Now, I understand you want to set up the travel insurance for your upcoming trip. I can do that, I just need to run through some standard questions with you if that’s alright.”

Angry Scot: “Just give me the insurance!

Me: “To validate it, we need to run through these questions. I’ll try to get you sorted as soon as possible, but these questions are mandatory.

Angry Scot: “This is ridiculous! I waited on hold for nearly an hour, and now you want to ask me some f****** questions! Just give me insurance.

Me: *Trying to keep my cool, but already feel my last shred of sanity packing up to leave.* “I understand, sir. However, as I explained, we cannot put this insurance in place without these questions.”

Angry Scot: “F****** ridiculous! Is there anyone else I can talk to?”

Me: “Unfortunately, all other agents will ask you the same questions. I promise that this will not take long if you just answer the questions relating to your trip.”

Angry Scot: “This is ridiculous.”

Me: *Internal sigh.* “Okay, sir. Can you please start by telling me how many people will be travelling?”

Angry Scot: *Loud sigh.* “It’ll be the whole of f****** Scotland! What do you think?!”

I don’t reply. I stay silent and stare patiently into space, allowing the silence to stretch between us until the customer seemed to realise his sarcastic replies weren’t getting him anywhere. After about thirty seconds, he finally speaks up.

Angry Scot: “It’s me and the wife.”

Me: “Thank you, sir.”

We go through the rest of the questions with minimal sarcasm, and only a small flurry of colourful Scottish dialect thrown in. All in all, the call took about fifteen minutes. It would have been significantly less if the guy just cooperated to begin with. Who knew that cooperating with call centre staff would actually get you somewhere?

A couple are checking in with me at the airport.

Guy: *Handing me their passports.* “Yeah, we’re going to Bali.”

Me: “Oh, how nice!”

The guy then looks up and down the check-in area and leans in to whisper.

Guy: “Yeah, Sydney is getting waaaay too Muslim lately, so we needed a break from it, know what I mean?”

Me: “…riiiight.”

Guy: “We noticed you were the only Australian doing check-ins today, so we let some people go ahead of us so that we could get checked in by you.”

Me: “Well, all of my colleagues are more than capable of—”

Guy: “—yeah, yeah, DEI and all that. You know what we mean.”

I thought being anti-DEI was an American thing, but oh well…

Me: “Anyway, here are your boarding passes. Please enjoy your flight to Bali, Indonesia, the country with the largest Muslim population in the world!”

Guy: “The what?!”

I’m knowledgeable enough that I know Bali is the only Indonesian province that’s more Hindu than Muslim, but I also know that most racists are stupid by default, so I wasn’t expecting him to know that.

Earlier this fall, I went on a long-anticipated vacation to a lovely tropical island. While waiting to pick up a rental car at the airport, I was able to overhear the following exchange while I was in line at the rental car counter:

Traveler: “Can I get a car that doesn’t have any woke s*** on it?”

Rental Car Employee: “I… I’m not sure what you mean, sir. Can you please explain?”

Traveler: “You know, all that gay pride stuff.”

Rental Car Employee: “…”

Traveler: “I’m not a f**, and I don’t want to drive a car that makes it look like I support that s***.”

Rental Car Employee: “If you mean the rainbows on the plates, sir, this is Hawaii. The Rainbow State. That is what all standard license plates look like here.”

At that point, one of the other rental car employees at the counter waved me over to them. Ten minutes later, I was in my car driving into town. I imagine that the other traveler was still there at the counter, trying to get a rental car with a special non-rainbow, non-“woke”, license plate just for them.

And for the record, I saw multiple rainbows every day while I was there, and each one was beautiful.

Related:
When You Want The Aloha To Be More Of The “Goodbye” Kind Than The “Hello” Kind, Part 4
When You Want The Aloha To Be More Of The “Goodbye” Kind Than The “Hello” Kind, Part 3
When You Want The Aloha To Be More Of The “Goodbye” Kind Than The “Hello” Kind, Part 2
When You Want The Aloha To Be More Of The “Goodbye” Kind Than The “Hello” Kind

I’m helping a family with their vehicle rental at Honolulu airport in Hawaii. They’ve just flown in from middle America.

Me: “And it looks like you’re all set! Any other questions I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah, this is my first time in a tropical country. Is that sun normal?”

Me: “Ha, yes, it is pretty hot and sunny here all year round.”

Customer: “But it’s 6 PM, and it’s still so high up in the sky! I heard that it’s sunny here, but that’s crazy!”

Me: “Uh, sir, it’s 2 PM.”

Customer: *Points to his analogue wristwatch.* “No, it’s 6 PM, see?”

Me: “Sir, it’s 6 PM in your home state. It’s 2 PM here in Hawaii.”

Customer: “But I thought Hawaii was America?”

Me: “It is, but America is big. It’s in multiple time zones.”

The customer stares at me blankly for a moment.

Customer: “Oh, is this because Hawaii is one of those states that doesn’t do daylight savings?”

Me: “…Yeeeeah, let’s go with that. Have a great time in Hawaii! Aloha!”

Related:
There’s No Daylight Saving Some People
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 30
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 29
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 28
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 27

I work in a hotel in Bangkok, Thailand. I’m Thai, but was born in the USA, and while all of the concierge staff are perfectly fluent in English, I’m usually the one who’s assigned to help our more ‘interesting’ guests.

A woman in flowing white linen pants and sandals drifts up to the concierge desk. I remember checking her in less than half an hour ago. I remembered her as she didn’t stop mentioning that she’s a Buddhist and how enlightened she is, and that she’s here to similarly enlighten all those around her.

Customer: “Hi. I think there’s negative energy in my room.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Can you explain what you mean?”

Customer: “It’s just… heavy. The vibrations are off. I’m very sensitive to these things. I’m a practicing Buddhist.”

Me: “Is there a problem with the air conditioning? Noise? Smell?”

Customer: “No, no. The room itself is fine. It’s just… spiritually hostile.”

Of course it is. I check the system.

Me: “I do have another room available, but it isn’t the suite you booked. It’s a smaller room on a lower floor, and it faces the interior atrium instead of the city.”

Customer: “Oh, absolutely not. I didn’t fly all the way to Thailand to stare at… walls. I’m a practicing Buddhist, and that’s bad for me.”

Me: “Then the suite you’re in is the only one available tonight.”

Customer: “Why is the hotel so heavily booked?”

I point at the calendar on the counter, which shows it’s the last few days of the local year.

Customer: “Wait. Why does this say the year is 2568?”

Me: “That’s the Buddhist calendar, ma’am. In Thailand, it’s 2568 BE, or Buddhist Era.”

Customer: “That’s… weird.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Anyway, Songkran starts tomorrow.”

Customer: “What’s Songkran?”

Me: “Thai New Year. It’s a big part of the Buddhist calendar.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t really follow the numbers part. I’m more about the philosophy.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

A moment of silence.

Customer: “You know… maybe the negative energy is the city.”

Me: “Possibly, ma’am.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll stay in the suite. I’ll cleanse it with incense.”

Me: “Of course.”

She leaves.

Coworker: *In Thai.* “Is my English getting worse, or did she fly all the way to Bangkok, claim to be Buddhist, but have no idea that she’s visiting during Songkran?”

Me: *In Thai.* “I’m surprised she didn’t notice that the room prices are double what they normally are.”

Coworker: *Looks at her customer details on my screen.* “Oh, she’s from California. Buddhists from there can be Buddhists because they have all the money to do yoga in the daytime at expensive gyms and drink $20 jasmine teas. She can afford to stay here.”

We both smile (a little pained smile) at each other and go back to checking guests in, most of whom know they’re here for Songkran and didn’t try to claim our room’s auras were evil.