Airports Always Bring Out The Goodbyes

, , , , | Right | June 14, 2017

(My mum is the bad customer in this story. This takes place back in ‘80s before I was born. My mum is saying goodbye to a then-boyfriend at an airport, in a very inappropriate public display of affection. They are passionately kissing with my mum straddled across his lap; they can barely take their hands off each other, groping, grabbing, etc. Eventually they pull themselves apart and she goes to the check in. In her defence, mum has always had a wicked sense of humour.)

Air Hostess: *while at boarding gate* “So, saying goodbye to a loved one?”

Mum: “Yeah, that was my brother.”

Air Hostess: *literally jumps and stares at my mum in horror*

(Mum said she hoped one day the hostess realised she was joking.)

Very Ver-Silly

, , , | Friendly | June 3, 2017

(Some friends and I are heading to Versailles.)

Friend #1: “How do you pronounce it? Is it Versail?”

Friend #2: “No I’m sure it’s Ver-sail–lees.”

Me: “No, actually, I think it’s Ver-say.”

Friend #1: “No, that can’t be right. Where did you learn that?”

Me: “I don’t know exactly. I’ve always pronounced it that way but I’ve just watched a couple of shows about France and that’s how they pronounced it.”

Friend #1: “Whatever.”

(Later on someone else asked us where we were going.)

Friend #2: “VERS- SAL-LEES.”

(I just gave up. I still have no idea why I felt so annoyed about the wrong pronunciation. It could be because my family name originated in France but now has an English pronunciation.)

And I’ll Get To Scotland Before You

, , , , , | Right | June 1, 2017

(I work at an office that offers tours of Scotland and the highlands, although sometimes we can take on private groups. I’m on a late shift by myself and the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, [Tour Company].”

American-Sounding Girl: “Hi, I wondered if I could get a quote on a private tour?”

Me: “Okay, how many are we talking?”

American-Sounding Girl: “190.”

Me: *thinking “wow!”* “Okay, and were you looking for one of our set itineraries or a custom itinerary?”

American-Sounding Girl: “Well, shall I just tell you the situation and we can take it from there?”

Me: “Sounds good.”

American-Sounding Girl: “Okay, so we’re all college students and we’re looking to organise a large trip to the Superbowl—”

Me: “I’ll just stop you right there. Where are you calling from?”

American-Sounding Girl: “Nova Scotia.”

Me: “Okay, I think you may have the wrong number. This is [Tour Company] in Scotland.”

American-Sounding Girl: “…”

Me: “…so you are just over 2,000 miles closer to the Superbowl than we are…”

American-Sounding Girl: “…”

Me: “…so, you know… it’s only fair to advise you that this would impractically expensive for you.”

(There was a long pause then she burst out laughing, followed by me. We had a good laugh!)

Slightly Bending (Over) The Truth

| Leiden, The Netherlands | Right | February 13, 2017

(I work at a visitor center, where I arrange the group activities. In the beginning of September, a customer booked a canal cruise in an open boat with her group of 30 participants. Almost two months later, I receive this e-mail from her:)

Customer: “I would like to give some feedback on our activity in September. During our canal cruise, the skipper of our boat was very clumsy because he collided several times against the wall.”

(I directly contacted thecruise company; the manager and I know each other very well. I send him the customer’s complaint by mail and I get an answer almost immediately:)

Manager: “Haha, yes, I remember this cruise and customer! Oh, my god, that this customer is blaming our skipper! During the cruise, the boat will pass a lot of bridges, so before passing one bridge, the whole group had to bend over because of the low bridge. One customer exaggerated while bending over and hit the throttle! You can guess what happened then…”

And This Person Works In A Museum?

| Leiden, The Netherlands | Working | October 15, 2016

(I’m working for a tourist information where I am head of the group activities. One day, a customer from Belgium who comes back every year with her school asks me for a tour in one of our museums. They are only here for one day and will visit two museums and have a guided walk for the students. The museum of their choice is closed that particular day so I decided to e-mail another one.  In the mail I write about the school-classes from Belgium who are in town for one day and requests a guided tour for approximately 90 students. The answer I get back:)

Reply: “Thank you for your request. Wow, 90 students is a lot… All of our guides are university students and I’m not sure if I can have enough guides for that amount. It is better if we split the group and have them visit us in three groups spread over three days. Can you ask if the group can stay three days instead of one?”

Me: *head on desk*

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