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It Takes A Special Kind Of Jerk To Embarrass A Whole Country

, , , | Right | CREDIT: weirdwizzard_72 | September 20, 2021

My father is British, my mother German, and I’ve been living in sunny Spain ever since I was just a lad.

Ten years ago, I was working at the reception desk of a large resort-type hotel where most guests were from both of my parents’ countries of origin.

One of the few rules this hotel had was that any towels placed on sunbeds before 9:00 am were taken away by security to be collected by their owners in a specific bar on the premises.

Now, I have to stress that it’s not only a German habit to reserve sunbeds; the British are very much into it, as well.

One day, we had quite a lot of people at reception, mostly Germans, when this particular lady cut the line and started to throw a temper tantrum (in German) because her precious towels had been taken off her desired sunbeds early in the morning. She ended her tirade with the following words:

Woman: “We have a right to reserve sunbeds. Us Germans are paying for Spain’s debts.”

She then stormed off, leaving a lot of stunned and embarrassed fellow countrymen behind. Some of them shouted abuse at her, like, “You’re insane, aren’t you?” or “Go back under your rock.”

But the icing on the cake was an elderly gentleman who walked up to reception some ten minutes later.

Gentleman: “My wife was present when that woman insulted you, and I want to apologize in the name of my country for what she said. I’m so ashamed. Please don’t think that all of us Germans are like her.”

That man really made our day.

Gotta Love Consequences

, , , , , | Legal | September 14, 2021

This happened when my parents went on their honeymoon in Spain. Back then, there were ID checks each time you transferred from one nation to another, and the one at the France-Spain border in particular had a queue going on for miles.

My father, who was driving, moved to the emergency lane, went past a line of 100+ cars, and merged back into the queue just before the Border Police shack.

Out of the shack came a French gendarme with the red and green traffic baton. He singled out my parents’ car and directed them to move onto the median strip. Once they were there, he put the baton under his armpit and walked back inside the shack while the other motorists jeered and cheered.

It was more than an hour before my parents were allowed to join the queue again.

If You’re Going To Be A Jerk, Do It Quietly

, , , , , , , | Friendly | September 5, 2021

I’m a Brit on a bus in France with my Bulgarian friend and my French friend. We’re going to a French convention and the French friend has kindly offered us her abode. Going by accent, there’s a very loud American couple making derogatory comments about the passengers and generally about France in English, clearly thinking we can’t understand them.

My Bulgarian speaks loudly to my French friend in English.

Bulgarian Friend: “I think it’s very interesting that my school in Bulgaria had me learn English. Do they do the same in France?”

My French friend replies just as loudly, also in English.

French Friend: “Oh, yes. In fact, in Paris, you’ll be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn’t understand English at least a little. Hey, [My Name], what about you?”

Me: “Being from England, it means it’s pretty much all I can speak. Although I can tell you where I live in French if you want?”

French Friend: “Please don’t butcher my beautiful language.”

Random German Man: “We also learnt English in Germany!”

Random American Lady At The Back: “I’m from Louisiana! So we have English and… a different French.”

The couple was strangely quiet for the rest of the journey.

Ah, Yes. Kay-Muls. Native To The Cayman Islands.

, , , , , , | Friendly | August 15, 2021

My mother is on holiday in England and is walking through a famous zoo when an American tourist comes up to her. I guess she heard my mother’s Canadian accent and thought she might be able to help.

Tourist: “Hey, can you help me? Can’t nobody understand me.”

Mom: “Sure. I’ll see what I can do.”

Tourist: “I’m looking for the kay-muls. I can’t find the kay-muls.”

Mom: “The what?”

Tourist: “Kay-muls. I can see ‘em on the map, but nobody can tell me how to get to ‘em.”

Mom: “Can you show me on the map?”

The tourist takes out her map and points to what she is looking for.

Mom:Oh! Camels!”

Tourist: “Yeah, that’s what I said, kay-muls!”

Raise Your Hand And Reach For The Stars

, , , , , , , , | Related | August 12, 2021

In 2017, I visited the USA for the first time with my family. One day, we went to a museum that has a planetarium. It’s pretty amazing, but before the projection begins, people need to have their eyes used to the dark.

A member of the museum’s staff talked a bit in order to entertain everyone for a few minutes. I could understand only a few words; I was sixteen and his English sounded different from what I had been studying in school.

At some point, people started to raise their hands. Then, the man said something else and other people raised their hands. The man said a third thing and my father whispered to me in Italian, “Raise your hand.”

I did so without knowing why.

Later, my dad translated what the man had said.

The three questions were, one, “Raise your hand if you’ve already been in a planetarium before,” two, “Raise your hand if you’ve never been in a planetarium before,” and three, “Raise your hand if you don’t even understand what I’m saying.”