I’m visiting a tourist spot that has a view of the Rocky Mountains. I overhear a tourist talking to one of the workers there:

Tourist: “What’s that white stuff on top of those mountains?”

Worker: “It’s snow.”

Tourist: “Is it cold up there?”

Worker: “No, actually, due to the low pressure at that altitude, much like the boiling point of water being lowered, the melting point of snow is raised. It’s actually quite warm up there, and the snow just never melts.”

The worker sounded so authoritative, and the spiel was so well-rehearsed, that for a moment, he had me questioning basic science. It took me an embarrassingly long few seconds for my brain to go “wait a minute…”.

Tourist: “Oh, that’s so cool!”

Worker: “Yeah, that’s where all the Jackalopes live.”

Tourist: “The… what?”

Worker: “You know, the jackrabbit but with the horns like an antelope. Vicious little things. If you see one, run. If you see something that looks like a normal jackrabbit without the horns, that’s a female. That means you’ve stumbled into a male’s nest, and you’d better run for your lives.”

Tourist: “Oh… my goodness!”

This ‘worker’ went on a spiel about the evolution of Jackalopes, that the Smithsonian had a diorama from the Pleistocene with jackalopes in it, talked about conservation efforts during the 1930s as their numbers dwindled, which explains why you don’t see them much anymore…”

The tourist walked away, and a woman wearing a manager’s badge walked over to the ‘worker’ with a tired look on her face:

Manager: “Jacob, you said you’d stop doing this…”

A few years ago, I worked at a major National Park that has a TV show named after it (and a few spin-offs). I was in the reservations department, and I handled all things related to groups, such as camping, family reunions, wedding parties, etc. This included arranging for private tours of the park in one of our vehicles and with a driver trained by us. The vehicles were anything from a sedan that held three passengers to a full-sized bus that held fifty.

In the winter, we offered snow coaches that held fourteen people (fifteen with a driver). They were a minibus, and the price was per hour, not per passenger. About $1600 for eight hours.

During the first COVID winter, we installed plastic barriers between the driver and the rest of the bus. This meant the passenger seat up front was blocked off, and they now only accommodated thirteen passengers.

These snow coaches were very popular with photography groups, and we had one company in particular that had been coming for years, but their leader was always difficult. This first COVID winter she made a snow coach reservation for eight people, including herself. Upon arriving, she saw that the front passenger seat was not available to use and lost her mind. She called me, yelling about it and demanding to know why I didn’t tell her ahead of time. I told her that the vehicle still seats thirteen, and she only has eight in her group.

This conversation went on for too long, as she started demanding that we provide a second snow coach for FREE. At $1600 per day, that was absolutely not happening.

I don’t recall how I ended it, but I immediately wrote up a summary email to my manager letting her know what happened.

My calls were not recorded, but I knew I was probably a bit snippier than was professional. My manager had no issue with how I handled it, and due to other problems they’d given us, she blacklisted them.

I landed at a German airport and was going through passport control. All along the way to passport control, they had large signs that said that the automated passport machines for EU residents were for travellers eighteen and older. I got in the machine line as it was shorter. So did a bunch of families with children. 

Unfortunately, I ended up with a fourteen-year-old in line ahead of me. His passport doesn’t work on the machine. His parents have made the bright decision of going through the machines without their children, so he and his sister, in the line next to us are stuck on the wrong side of passport control without their parents. 

I let the kid know that he has to get into the lines with an actual human inspector since he is not eighteen. Unfortunately, I have to follow him over because my passport will not scan at the automated machines. 

When I get to the line with the actual human inspector, I hear the dad of the kids that were left by their parents start up an argument with the inspector since he and his wife are embarrassed that they look like s***ty parents for going through without their children. He was arguing with the only passport inspector on duty, so he made it impossible for anyone not using the machine to get through passport control.

Father: “How the h*** do you expect us to know that those machines have age restrictions? If some random lady hadn’t told us that, my kids would still be standing there!”

Passport Inspector: “How do you think that lady knew? Because there are signs.”

Father: “No, she must have travelled here before. You need to have more than one sign and put them in more visible spots.”

Passport Inspector: “Sir, do you see that giant sign hanging over the entrance area for the automated control? It clearly states the age restrictions.”

Father: “Yeah, but that’s just one sign. It’s possible for people to miss just one sign.”

Passport Inspector: “There are several large signs leading up to passport control that say the same thing.”

Father: “Well, clearly I didn’t read those. I didn’t think I had to. I’m German. I live here. You should put up more signs.”

Passport Inspector: “You want us to put up more signs because you didn’t read the signs we already have?”

Father: “Yes. If you had more signs about the age restrictions made, I would have noticed them and thought that they were important and read them.”

Passport Inspector: “Sir, we are not going to put up more signs because you won’t read the ones we have.”

Father: “Then how will parents know not to get into that other line and end up in the situation I’m in?”

At that point, someone shouted out:

Other Passenger: “You know, if you hadn’t started this stupid argument, your kids would have made it through passport control already?! Can you shut up already so that the rest of us can get through and go home?”

I’m pretty sure if this statement hadn’t shut the dad up, I’d still be standing there listening to this logic.

I’m eating at a diner in The South. A family comes in, and I notice them as they’re being seated, as they all have British accents (uncommon in our area). They look over the menu, and then one of them asks the waitress:

Customer: “What kind of teas do you have?”

Waitress: *Confused by the question.* “Sweet or unsweet.”

Customer: “No, like hot teas.”

Waitress: *Getting it.* “Oh! Honey, we’re not one of those places. We do sweet or unsweet tea. We don’t do any of that chamomile nonsense.”

Customer: “Not even… breakfast tea?”

Waitress: “It’s dinner time, hun.”

They settled for unsweetened tea. Witnessing the cultural chasm from my seat at the bar was very entertaining, especially when they got around to figuring out what ‘biscuits’ were…

A couple of guests walk into our hotel in Venice after a day of sightseeing.

Woman: “Is… is this it?”

Me: “I’m not sure I understand, madam?”

Woman: “Venice? Is this all it is?”

Me: “Is there a particular part of Venice you’re having issues with, madam?”

Woman: “All the canals have been hyped up all my life! I finally get here, and they’re just… water streets!”

I really don’t know what she was expecting!