(An couple of US tourists come into our library and use the public computers for the Internet. When they start leaving, they come to me again and give me 2 Estonian Crowns.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t take this.”

Customer: “What do you mean you can’t take this?! I got it from the bank just down the street. I know it’s not fake. And it says in the rules that it costs 2.”

Me: “No, I mean–”

(He cuts me off and starts ranting on how he never wanted to come to Europe anyway and how everything is better in the States. His wife and I manage to calm him down after a few minutes of loud ranting.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t take your money because just using the computer is free. Only printing costs 2 Crowns.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought… I mean, I always have to pay in… well… America is still better than Europe!” *hurries out with his wife*

This story is part of the Customers-Who-Will-Die-On-Their-Hill-themed roundup!

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Read the Customers-Who-Will-Die-On-Their-Hill-themed roundup!

(I am a student in Sweden and I just finished making a transaction for a nice Japanese couple at a tourist center. Another tourist comes up.)

Me, in Swedish: “Can I help you?”

Customer, in English: “Sure, can you tell me about…” *mumbles*

Me, in English: “Can you repeat that, please?”

Customer: “Shut up! Don’t you dare mock me! You can’t speak American, you Chino!”

Me: “I’m Russian.”

Customer: “Well, you still can’t speak American!”

Me: “I was raised in the UK. And it’s called English.”

Customer: *storms out*

Boss: “What the f*** was that about?!”

(I worked briefly in one of the regional offices for a cruise line. One of my jobs was to read all customer comment cards from the end of their tours and cruises and enter the comments into our database.)

1. “Please cut down some of the trees in Denali National Park. It is difficult to see the forest because these trees are in the way.”

2. “There are a lot of old cars scattered all over the place. Can you please remove them? They look ugly.”

3. “I wanted to see Mt. McKinley but it was raining and too cloudy. I want my money back and/or a free cruise.”

4. “I couldn’t swim in the outside pool on the cruise ship because it was raining the entire trip. I want my money back and/or a free cruise.”

5. “I didn’t like the reindeer sausage you served on the train. I want my money back and/or a free cruise.”

6. “I wanted to see the wildlife tour, but 5:00 am is way too early for me to wake up while I’m on vacation. Can you please schedule the wildlife to be available later in the afternoon, so that I can see them?”

7. “I was supposed to ride the train through Denali National Park, but there was a fire. Why did you schedule the fire while I was there?”

8. “Why are there so many Alaskan natives in Alaska? Can you ask them to leave?”

9. “There are way too many trees and animals on the wildlife tour. Can you please put in some malls and tennis courts?”

(This is on one of the busiest days we’ve ever had. We literally had to stop letting people into the park)

Guest: “Why can’t I go into the park?! I drove here from Cape Cod!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the general manager said we’re not allowed to let anyone else in. We’re at capacity.”

Guest: “Why can’t I go in now? There are a ton of people leaving!”

Me: “There are a few things, sir. The general manager said we can’t allow anyone else in, we have weather coming which might halt operations, and even if we let you in, you honestly wouldn’t have fun. There are a ton of people in there.”

Guest: “I DROVE HERE FROM CAPE COD! YOU HAVE TO LET ME AND MY FAMILY IN!”

Me: “Sir, your options are you can stay here and complain to me about not being let in, or I can let you in, and you can pay $35 to complain to me that there are too many people inside the park. How’s that?”

Guest: “On second thought, I’ll just go to the beach.”

(A young couple with an almost stereotypical ‘southern accent’ enters the shop, browses around, and pick up some things, then go to the cash desk.)

Me: “Is that everything for you today?”

Woman: “We’re on our honeymoon…”

Me: “Okay… will you be paying with cash, debit, or credit?”

(The man throws some money on the counter, saying nothing.)

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t take American money.”

Man: “WHY THE F*** NOT? AMERICA IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!”

Me: “Well, that might be the case, but this isn’t America.”

Woman: “What?”

Me: “This isn’t America. It’s Canada.”

Woman: “But that’s part of America, right?”

Me: “No.”

Man: “Oh, I get it. It must be Canada Day. That’s when they pretend to be independent.”

Me: “Sir, we ARE independent. It’s a separate country. Different money, different government, different accents.”

Man: *winks to his wife* “Right…”

This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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