Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

(Please Go) Back To The Future

, , , , , , , | Right | February 10, 2010

(I work in a small store in Oxford when a busload of tourists comes in to buy large quantities of sweets.)

Tourist: “We’re stocking up. We’re going to Stratford-on-Avon to see Shakespeare’s house.”

Me: “Okay, but why don’t you just buy it when you get there?”

(Several tourists stop what they are doing.)

Tourist: “They sell candy in the 16th century?”


This story is included in our Candy roundup!

Click here to read the first story!

Click here to read the Candy roundup!

Tricky Customers Are Just Killer

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2010

(I am taking tourists on a boat to see wild killer whales.)

Me: “If anyone has any questions during the charter, I would be happy to answer them.”

Customer: “So, when does the show start?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “The show. You know, like Shamu and stuff?”

Me: “You do know that these are wild animals, right?”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “These are wild animals. They don’t do tricks like you would see in an aquarium.”

Customer: “They don’t?”

Me: “No. They do not.”

Customer: “Oh, I see.” *pause* “So, when do you feed them?”

Me: “We don’t feed these animals. They are wild. They feed themselves.”

Customer: “I thought you said they didn’t do tricks?”


This story is part of our Clueless Tourists roundup!

Want to read the first story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

The Case Of The Choo-Choo Charlatans

, , , | Right | December 7, 2009

(I work as a photographer at a railroad station where people can dress up in old-time clothes and sit in a prop made to look like a train.)

Customer: “Excuse me, does the train still function?”

Me: “Yes, if you go right outside you can buy tickets for the trains.”

Customer: “No, no. I meant that one.” *points to our fake train prop*

Me: “That’s just our background for the photos.”

Customer: “Yes, but does it still function? Can I ride it?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a prop. It’s fake.”

Customer: “But is it functional?”

Me: “No, it’s fake. It’s connected to the wall.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just dumb. I don’t know why you have it in here, then!”


This story is part of the More Clueless Tourists roundup!

Read the next story!

Read the roundup!

The Wicked Witch Of The Pacific Northwest

, , , , , , | Right | August 14, 2009

(I work at a very popular authentic garden in Portland. Even though it is August, it has been raining hard lately.)

Customer: “Hi, I would like two adults, two kids.”

Me: “That will be $[amount].”

Customer: “So what happens if it rains?”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Customer: “What happens if it rains? Do you refund everyone’s money or something?”

Me: “Not really. This is Portland, after all. We’re famous for heavy rains.”

Customer: “Yes, but what do you do? There’s no tent or anything that you set up?”

Me: “Well, no, ma’am. This is a garden. We’re still outside, even though you’re paying to get in. And most of the time the rain doesn’t bother anyone… People still walk in the rain.”

Customer: “They what?! They walk in the rain?! Don’t they get wet?”

Me: “Well, yes, but this is Portland. We’re used to the rain, and besides, the garden is very lovely in the rain.”

Customer: “Oh, my! Oh, my! This cannot do. This is my vacation! Why does it have to rain? Don’t we get a rain discount or something?”

Me: “No, sorry. If we gave discounts for every time it rained here, we would be well out of business. And this is a garden, so it needs rain.”

Customer: “Oh, God! Oh, God! The rain… it hurts!”


This story is part of our Somehow Even More Weather roundup!

Read the next Somehow Even More Weather roundup story!

Read the Somehow Even More Weather roundup!

A Nation Of Size Queens

, , , , , | Right | October 27, 2008

(I work at a tourist information booth set up along the path by Niagara Falls.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, ma’am. How do I get to the falls from here?”

Me: “The Falls? They’re just behind me. That one is the Canadian Falls, also known as the Horseshoe Falls, and that other one’s the American Falls. ”

Tourist: “Why is the Cay-nay-dian Falls bigger than ours?”

Me: “Geography, I suppose.”

Tourist: “I think you have it wrong. The big one MUST be the American one.”

Me: “No, that one is the Canadian Falls.”

Tourist: “This is insane! I’m going to write my congressman and demand that that-there big falls should be ours! You Cay-Nay-Dians shouldn’t have the big one!”

Me: “You’re going to annex our Falls? Really?”

Tourist: “H*** yes I am! I have more of a right to it than you do!”

Me: “But… it’s in my country.”

Tourist: “Well, we’ll just see about that!” *storms off*


This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!