I’m on a boat tour off the coast of Toronto, and overhear the following:

Tour Guide: “Fun fact! Did you know that the Great Lakes hold 21% of the entire planet’s supply of fresh surface water?”

Tourist: “Fresh?”

Tour Guide: “Yes! As in, not saltwater.”

Tourist: “All this water?” *Gesturing to the lake.*

Tour Guide: “Yes, this is all freshwater.”

Tourist: “Naw, this can’t be fresh water, man. It’s been sitting out here too long.”

I’m working alone in the little outdoor gift shop trailer at a tourist attraction when a family comes into the shop: mom, dad, a little boy, and his older sister. The boy is fixated on the bouncy rubber balls, while the girl browses the plush snakes with mild disappointment.

Me: *Pointing upward.* “We also have bigger snakes on the top shelf.”

The girl looks up and freezes. Her eyes go wide. There, coiled on display, are 5’6″ plush snakes. She turns to her dad, excitement radiating off her.

Dad: *Groaning with a smile.* “Why did you have to point those out?”

Now the boy is bouncing with excitement too, chanting about snakes instead of balls. Minutes later, they walk out of the shop with enormous snakes draped around their necks like scarves, both kids grinning from ear to ear.

I’m leading a tour group up to one of the best lookout points in the park.

Me: “And if you look way out past the ridge, you’ll see the peaks that stay snow-covered most of the year. It’s one of the most photographed views in the park.”

A tourist squints, then raises a hand.

Tourist: “Is that Canada?”

Me: “No, sir. Canada is several hundred miles further north. Those are still U.S. mountains.”

Tourist: *Shaking his head.* “No. That has to be Canada.”

Me: “Sir, I assure you those mountains are still part of the USA.”

Tourist: “Nope. If there’s snow, it has to be Canada. I know what I’m talking about.”

Not knowing what else to say, all I can come up with is:

Me: “No, sir, that’s still the USA. We do snow, too.”

The group chuckles quietly, and I hear a few comments:

Other Tourist #1: “By that logic, my freezer is Canadian territory! They should open a consulate there.”

Other Tourist #2: “Canada called, they’d like their mountains back.”

Other Tourist #3: “Aspen has been lying to us all these years?!”

That’s enough to encourage Mr. “I know what I’m talking about” to be quiet, and I can continue the tour uninterrupted.

This story reminded me of my very similar experience, also on a road trip, funnily enough. This story takes place in the USA, but we’re all from Canada. To break the monotony of a long stretch of driving, we pull into a corn maze.

Me: *Upon reading the sign.* “Wait, corn mazes are actually mazes?!”

Mom: “Of course!”

Dad: “What did you think they were?”

Me: “I thought people were just calling them by both names to be inclusive, like corn/maize.”

I spell it out to make my point.

Dad: “You realize that would just be calling it corn corn?”

Me: “Dad, back home our mooncakes are called Lune Moons.”

Mom: *Laughs.* “He’s got you there!”

I work in a popular bar in a fancy hotel/casino on the Las Vegas strip. We’re known for crazy and elaborate cocktails, so the price tag matches.

Customer: *Slapping the bill on the bar.* “Twenty-five dollars? For a cocktail? Are you kidding me?”

Me: “No, sir, that’s the menu price.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Back home, I can get a drink for five bucks!”

Me: “And back home, you don’t have the Bellagio fountains behind you.”

Customer: “It’s robbery!”

Me: “Well, sir, it’s Vegas. You’re not paying for the drink, you’re paying for something much more priceless; plausible deniability for the rest of the night.”

The customer grumbles but still tips a few bucks, because, well… the drink IS very strong.