One Big Unhappy Family

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work in a tourist attraction. The ticket price is the same for everyone aged four to fifty-nine with the option of a “saver ticket” that gives a discount on any combination of four people.

Customer: “I’d like a family ticket, please.”

Me: “Okay, so you’d like the saver ticket for four people?”

Customer: “No, it’s just me and my two kids.”

Me: “Oh, in that case, it’s actually cheaper for you to buy tickets individually. The price is [total].”

This is over £10 less than the price of a saver ticket. The customer is suddenly angry for some reason.

Customer: “Are you saying I can’t have a family ticket because there are only three of us?! That’s discrimination against single-parent families!”

Me: “No, not at all. We don’t actually have a family ticket as such — a saver ticket is for any combination of four people — but it’s cheaper for you to buy three tickets than it is to get that.”

Customer: “No! I will not be discriminated against! I want the family ticket!”

Me: “Okay, if you’re sure… So that’s a saver ticket at [higher price].”

Customer: “Thank you! Now was that really so hard?”

He walks off, grumbling about discrimination. The next customer in line comes up.

Customer #2: “Did that dude really just pay for four people when there were only three just to prove a point?”

Me: “Yeah, I think so.”

Customer #2: “Well, we have a family of five, so can one of us go in as the extra person he paid for, and then I get one saver ticket for the other four?”

Me: “Sure, why not?!”

I don’t know what your problem was, angry dude. I know there are families of all shapes and sizes, but your unwillingness to listen to me trying to save you money made someone else’s day instead!

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The Longitude Is Zero And So Is Their Understanding

, , , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work at a popular London tourist attraction, on one of the entrances. I get approached by a visitor who is struggling to find the main part of our attraction: the Prime Meridian Line.

Visitor: “Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Where is the Meridian Line?”

I point to where it is.

Me: “You see where the different paving stones and metal tiles on the ground are? Where everyone is taking photos? That’s the Meridian Line.”

The visitor wanders over to a point closer to the line so he can see it better. I continue to deal with other visitor enquiries until he wanders back over, looking puzzled.

Me: “Hello again, sir, how can I help?”

Visitor: “I still can’t see the line. Could you come up and show me?”

I walk over to the better viewing point with him and begin explaining again.

Me: “You see the tree over there? It’s the metal line underneath the tree.”

Visitor: “Ah, so the Meridian Line is the tree?”

Me: “…”

Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 15
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 14
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 13
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 12
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 11

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Nowhere More Romantic Than The Observatory

, , , | Right | January 15, 2021

I work at a public observatory. We have a contact form on our website to help people request observatory visits.

Guest: “Some of your contact form questions are pretty personal.”

Me: “Which questions are you referring to? The phone number is only required for making reservations.”

Guest: “The one about dates? Why do we even have to bring a date?”

Me: “That is dates, as in calendar dates.”

No response.

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Don’t We Learn How To Queue Properly In Kindergarten?

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 7, 2021

My native language is Portuguese, but I do speak English fairly well. My mom, however, can only speak Portuguese. Both of us go on a trip to London and, of course, I am always the only one doing all the talk for both of us.

We bought some “special cards” that grant us “free” entrance to a great variety of tourist attractions; it’s not exactly free, as we paid quite the sum for these cards, but it’s still cheaper than paying for every single attraction we visit.

We’re visiting an attraction that is very popular, so there is quite a queue. There is a Londoner lady in front of me. After a while, the lady steps out of the queue to look at some maps along our way. It isn’t like “one look to the side and then back to the queue.” No, she starts reading the freaking map while the queue advances. So, I take that as my cue to advance, too.

A few minutes later, when she finally notices that the queue has gone on without her, she locates my mother and me and proceeds to yell at us about how we cut her place in the queue.

Lady: “There’s a queue here! A line!”

Me: “Well, you stepped aside, so we just went on ahead.”

My mother asks me, in Portuguese, what is happening, and I tell her. The lady notices that we are not English speakers.

Lady: “Oh, you’re Spanish. There. Is. A. Queue. Line. Here.”

She pauses between every single word, despite the fact that I’ve been speaking English to her.

Me: “I know that! But you stepped aside, so…”

Then, suddenly…

Attraction Worker: “All the visitors holding the [special card], please come this way to the preferential queue!”

I prompt my mom to get her card, and the lady, seeing we both have the [special card], can’t help but say:

Lady: “You’re being called that way.”

Me: “Yes, I know. Excuse me, I’m going in first!”

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These Are People Who Know How To Bargain!

, , , , | Right | November 30, 2020

I work at a tourist shop in Greece. Amongst other things, we sell helmets — like ancient Greek ones; tourists eat these up — that are 10€. This guy comes, obviously stoned, and asks in a slurry voice:

Customer: “How much for the helmet?”

Me: “Ten euros, sir.”

Customer: “Do you have another one?”

Me: “No, sir, this is the last one.”

His friend, who is even more stoned, comes in then.

Friend: “Do you have three?”

Me: “No, sir. As I told your friend, this is my last one.”

Then he starts to… bargain.

Friend: “Well, how about three for 20€?”

Me: “Sir, I only have one and it’s ten euros; I can’t go lower.”

Friend: “Two for 20€.”

Me: “Sir, I only have one.”

Friend: “Fine, then, one for 10€.”

Me: “Sure, it’s yours!”

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